


My Favorite Color is You

by aNerdObsessed



Series: Light Rises... and Darkness to Meet It [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Canon Compliant, Dark Rey, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Growing Up Together, Jedi Academy AU, Like so slow I hate myself, Rey Needs A Hug, Slow Burn, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, at least ill try, dark rey au, everyone needs a little poe dameron, friendship before relationship, the force knows best
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-09
Updated: 2018-11-25
Packaged: 2019-05-04 15:35:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 55,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14596149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aNerdObsessed/pseuds/aNerdObsessed
Summary: a Dark Rey/Jedi Academy AU where the Force always wins“Hey!” she protested. “Put me down! I can walk on my own!”“You’re going to hurt yourself again if you don’t let the swelling in your ankle go down, which it won’t if you keep walking on it. Besides, you’re holding us up.”She wanted to keep being angry, but found she was too tired.“You can’t protect me, Ben,” she said, pressing closer into his warmth, breathing in his familiar scent. It smelled like ink and grassy fields and like that first rain in the summer. “I can take care of myself.”“I know,” he said, tightening his grip. “But that doesn’t mean you should have to.”





	1. Chapter the First

Rey was used to fear. 

 

Fear had been her constant companion for the past few years as she struggled to survive on scavenged scraps from the Graveyard. Jakku was a harsh, punishing world, one that didn't allow for mistakes or arrogance. It stripped everything away, leaving only the will to live, to make it to the next sunrise. Fear was the recognition of mortality, and it was the key to survival. 

 

But terror was another thing entirely. It blocked out rational thought and paralyzed her limbs, making it impossible to fight back.  

 

She didn't know why the Dead-enders had come to her AT-AT home in the middle of night, but she hadn't been prepared when they burst into the  _Hellhound 2_ and shoved a sack over her head and dragged her out into the cool desert air.  

 

Earlier, she had scratched another mark in the AT-AT's interior and cried herself to sleep after another horrible day of scrounging and dealing with Plutt's manipulations, trusting the desert wastes to swallow the sound of her loneliness and frustration. Some small part of her young mind was ashamed of her tears, but she didn't care. Only after she was completely exhausted did she succumb to sleep. And that's when they took her. 

 

She writhed and scratched and bit at her captors with every scrap of ferocity her seven-old-body could muster, but they simply trussed her up with smelly scraps of fibercord and pulled her across the sand toward what she could only assume was Carbon Ridge. 

 

She didn't know what they were saying, their words a jumble of Basic, Teedospeak and other languages that she didn't recognize that made little sense even when she could decipher pieces, seemingly random strings of numbers mixed in with sentence fragments.

 

 _They're insane,_  she reminded herself. She'd never seen them before, but the other scavengers at Niima Outpost had laughed and told stories about the kooks who lived out in the desert, guarding a ruined Imperial base buried beneath the sand, wearing eclectic scraps of stormtrooper armor scrounged from desiccated corpses of the battle that had happened before she was born. 

 

She struggled again, her rage bubbling up, but it merely earned her a kick in the stomach that knocked the breath out of her lungs. Rey squeezed her eyes shut. She was sure she was going to die. 

 

Unkar Plutt wouldn't notice she was gone until a few days later when she didn't turn up to trade her finds for portions. He wouldn't care anyway. By then she would be dead. Another body baking under the sun, her home taken over by some other scavenger and no one to remember her. She had been too weak to survive, a failure in the struggle to live. 

 

The sand rubbed her skin raw as she was dragged for the remaining hours of the night until the ground became hard and rough, bruising her tender skin. Someone picked her up and tossed her over a bony shoulder and she whimpered, her thoughts spinning in terrified circles. They were climbing a sharp incline, so they must be getting somewhere.  Someone called out to her captors, and they answered in kind.  _There's more of them._  

 

The Dead-ender tossed her roughly to the ground and the sack was yanked off her head. Several figures stood over her, outlined against the lightening sky, their eyes hidden behind stormtrooper helmets painted with swirls and streaks, matching the eccentricity of their desert robes covered with trinkets and shards of junk. 

 

"Please," she whispered, her voice small with fear, "let me go." 

 

They didn't move, they didn't stir, so Rey curled in on herself, hoping she could vanish. An involuntary tremor ran through her that she tried to stop, but she couldn't.  

 

After what seemed like an eternity, they must have reached some kind of silent consensus, because one of the figures rasped, "Come," in Basic, grabbing her arm and yanking her roughly towards the dawn in the west. In the back of her mind she saw that they were on a rise, but the dunes stretched out before her were unfamiliar. Another jerk, and she was thrust toward an excavation into the ridge, down and in.  

 

Rey saw the crude digging implements strewn about, the dirt and stone that had been carved away, leading to an opening into nothingness. She resisted, digging in her heels with all the stubborn desperation she could manage, but the grip on her arm was unmoved, dragging her forward. 

 

Inside, blackness. She shivered again. Were they going to leave her here? Was this the beginning of some insane ritual?  

 

A spark, then a flame. She saw that the rest of the Dead-enders had followed them in silently, and one now held a flickering torch aloft, filling the ruined cavern with orange light and strange shadows. Most of the space was filled with debris, smashed tech and rock, but she could see by the curve of the wall that it had once been a large room. But now the ceiling was caved in, leaving only the small area where the Dead-enders stood. The room appeared utterly unremarkable. 

 

The Dead-ender holding her pulled a small, thin vibroblade from somewhere, holding it above her head with unsteady fingers, and she gasped, sure this was the end. Rey turned away, squeezing her eyes shut. She waited, but all she felt was a tug on her wrists and ankles. When she looked down, she saw her bonds had been cut, blood dribbling down her leg where the blade had nicked her shin. She looked up, unsure of what would happen next. 

 

When she saw the hole, Rey knew what they had taken her for. It was the same reason Unkar kept her around as a scavenger: she could fit into tight places, get at the goods that others couldn't reach or had overlooked. Usually, she loved discovering new places, untouched since they had been abandoned so many years ago, because that made her the first and even, for a brief moment, it made it hers. 

 

But now she was angry. She hated being used, she hated being forced, she hated these faceless kidnappers, she hated, she hated –  

 

 _Yes,_ the whisper came.  _Feel it rise_.  

 

Rey was shoved forward and she nearly fell into the dark opening. She glared up at the mask who'd pushed her, but the Dead-ender held the vibroblade threateningly. She may have been furious and terrified, but she was not stupid. Her staff was back in the AT-AT, and she was too angry to die just then. 

 

And some part of her also wanted to find out what was in there. 

 

 _Come, daughter._  

 

Rey crawled into the darkness, leaving the light behind. 

 

~---~

 

"Wait here, Artoo. Don't let any stray Teedos touch her." 

 

R2-D2 whistled something affirmative and rude as Luke Skywalker climbed out of his T-65B X-wing and jumped to the sandy ground. Dawn was still distant from the village of Tuanul as he made his way toward the settlement. He sensed the inhabitants in the huts coming awake as he passed, the Force rippling as their consciousness bloomed. Luke headed towards a dwelling in the center of the village where Lor San Tekka stood waiting for him in the doorway.  

 

"Master Jedi." 

 

"San Tekka."   

 

The old man smiled at the sandy-haired young man, his eyes crinkling. "I am so glad we have come together again after so long." 

 

"So am I." 

 

"Come in, come in," San Tekka said, gesturing into his home. 

 

Luke ducked his head and made his way into the dim interior. When he had seated himself, San Tekka pushed a cup of tea into his hand before sitting across from him. 

 

"Please pardon the disorder; I've only recently returned, and I haven't had time to prepare for guests."  

 

Luke looked around. Everything looked clean and organized, if a little cluttered, and Luke smiled to himself. Lor was a particular man.  

 

"How have you been, friend?" 

 

"Busy," Luke replied. "Busy chasing rumors and dead ends." 

 

Lor smiled. "Surely you have not found nothing. The galaxy has much knowledge for those who seek it."  

 

"I'm sure it does, but the Empire was thorough in their mission to purge the Jedi's memories and wisdom." 

 

"Nothing worth finding is gained easily. Sometimes you have to dig in the dirt to discover that which is most valuable." 

 

Luke sensed the current of satisfaction in his friend. "Then I take it you have had some success in your quest?" 

 

San Tekka rose and went to the back of his dwelling, returning carrying a silver cylinder. Luke’s eyes widened as San Tekka held it out to him. 

 

“How? How did you find this?” 

 

“Persistence. It was not easy.” 

 

Luke took the lightsaber in his hands and felt an energy in his fingertips as he examined it, the ribbing and energy emitter not unlike his own. He felt a peace and calm wash over him, a familiar presence that centered his troubled thoughts. He couldn’t resist thumbing the blade on and it thrummed to life, sapphire blue light illuminating his face. The light sang around him, easing away the fatigue and worry of his travels. 

 

San Tekka watched thoughtfully. "Obi-Wan was a good man, and a good teacher."  

 

Luke's face took on a rueful expression. "I wouldn't really know. He wasn't around for very long after I met him." 

 

"Do you mean to tell me he doesn't still guide your steps? He is beyond me now, but I see his teaching living on in you, young Jedi." 

 

Luke took the compliment graciously, disengaging the lightsaber. The space was silent as he reflected. 

 

"It's your turn now." 

 

"What?" 

 

"The galaxy needs a teacher, someone to show them how to follow the Light." 

 

Whatever peace he had been feeling evaporated. "Like I've told you before, Lor, I'm not a teacher. I'm not even a good learner. I'm a farmer turned rebel turned Jedi. I don't know how to teach anybody. I just go where the Force wills." 

 

"You only need to be one step ahead of someone else to guide them," San Tekka said. "You have much more experience and knowledge than you realize, even for one so young." 

 

Luke grimaced. 

 

"More so, you are the Luke Skywalker, hero of the Rebellion and champion of the New Republic. I'm sure if you decided to teach about womp rats the people would flock to hear your words of wisdom." 

 

Luke had to smile at that, but quickly suppressed it. "I don't think that I'm ready." 

 

San Tekka's face grew solemn again. "How's your nephew?" 

 

Luke took a moment to respond. “He’s struggling.” 

 

“The boy is fifteen now, and yet you still refuse to teach him –“ 

 

“Why do I have to carry the burden of the Jedi legacy alone?” Luke snapped. “Why is it all up to me to make sure that the Light isn’t lost?” 

 

“Luke,” San Tekka said reprovingly, “you are not alone. There are others, like myself, who seek to bring balance to the Force. And by training others, you can share the weight of responsibility so that you do not drown.” 

 

“I wouldn’t know how to begin.” 

 

“Young Ben is a beginning. And there are others. The Church will lend you whatever assistance you need in your mission.” 

 

“But –“ 

 

Luke’s protestations were cut off by the wave of darkness that rolled over them. Lor remained unmoved, but he noticed Luke's body tense.  

 

“What do you feel?” 

 

“So much fear and anger and… loneliness.” Luke stood up.  

 

~---~

 

On the other side of the galaxy, a boy writhed in the grip of his nightmares. Images of shame and anger flitted through his mind, the judgment and disappointment of shadowed figures crushing his soul. Hatred infused his dreaming thoughts, causing the glow panels in the room to flicker as personal belongings around the room shivered and rose into the air.  

 

 _Come to me_ _,_ a voice crooned, reaching across time and space, soothing.  _Become more than this. Become what you were meant_ _–_  

 

Suddenly, the voice broke off, distracted. The grimace on the boy’s face relaxed as he slipped into easier dreams, still dark yet more gentle.  

 

~---~

 

On the edges of known space, a malevolent presence pondered this new variable. Such raw power, untamed and unentangled, young and malleable. Yes, this was a great opportunity, one that could turn the tide permanently. However it would not do to lose sight of the other – in fact, they could be used to strengthen the other. Iron sharpens iron.  

 

Its thought bent towards this new power, watching and waiting.  

 

~---~

 

The desert dunes were still in shadow when the landspeeder carrying Luke and Lor San Tekka stopped at its foot. Luke leaped over the side, out of the small cockpit. He strode to the thin trail leading out of the desert sand up the barren cliff face and paused, sending out a net in the Force to assess their surroundings. He felt a residue of some washed-out darkness in the crevices of the rocks, but nothing else. 

"This is the place." 

 

Lor merely stood next to the dingy speeder, his head bowed, appearing to be lost in thought. Then it can again, that tide of darkness that washed over Luke and then ebbed up the ridge. But this time they heard it: a high, raw scream, echoing into nothing.  

 

“A child,” Lor said quietly.  

 

Luke charged up the path without hesitation, green plasma blazing in his hand.  

 

At the top of the ridge he found an excavation dig into the ground, clumsily carved out with unskilled hands. At the bottom was a ragged opening with blackness beyond. Then he could feel the Dark curling through the air, tendrils seeking, grasping. And deep within the fabric of malevolence he sensed beyond the entrance, there was a Force signature burning with Darkness. He gripped his lightsaber tighter and prepared to face it – it wouldn't be the first time he had run headlong into danger.   

 

The space inside was shadowed, the only illumination from the emerald glow of his saber and a sputtering torch, discarded on the rock. Luke could barely make out the rubble-filled room in the gloom as he moved in deeper. But what drew him forward was the figure pulsating with dark energy, surrounded by twisted, sprawling forms. Sensing his approach, the figure turned to face him. 

 

It was a young girl, her eyes glowing gold, dark smoke swirling at her feet, white fingers gripping a pyramidal object that throbbed with red light. Luke recognized it as a Sith holocron. 

 

"Jedi," she said, her voice having a strange echoing quality. He could feel the energy within her – it was too much, wearing her out and burning her up. But she seemed to be unaware. He saw now the forms on the ground were bodies, necks and limbs bent at odd angles, tongues lolling.  

 

“Let go of it; I won’t hurt you,” Luke said.  

 

“You can’t hurt me. No one can. I’m not afraid. I am more,” she said, her childish voice sounded profane with the Dark power flowing through it.  

 

“You’re hurting yourself. It’ll be alright. You just have to let go, and you’ll be safe.” Luke watched as blood dripped out of her nose. “I can show you how.” He took a step closer, palm upraised, his other hand still gripping his weapon.  

 

"No," she said, tears leaking over her cheeks. "You won't take them from me." 

 

A tendril of Dark energy lashed out, grasping at his feet and winding up his leg. Luke cried out as it burned through him, a distantly familiar pain from another time over a decade ago. And yet, at the same time, some part of him welcomed it, recognized it as its own, urging him to answer in kind.  

 

Then, images – of abandonment, desperation, longing, and over it all, an intense loneliness – that ate through his mind like acid. 

 

He was on his knees, struggling to stand against the onslaught, when he saw Lor San Tekka walk past him towards the girl. 

 

"No," Luke gasped out. 

 

San Tekka moved with confidence and calm that Luke could see as much as sense. 

 

 _I am one with the Force, the Force is with me_. 

 

The girl saw him coming and shifted her focus, but the old man was unperturbed. Unlike Luke and the girl, who attracted the Force like lodestones, San Tekka flowed through the Force, unable to sense or control it, but he was one with it all the same. He stepped forward and knelt in front of her, unhindered by the Dark power that surrounded her. 

 

"Child, you must let go. In order to gain something more, you must first give up something. Leave it behind, or it will destroy you." 

 

Her mouth opened, but no sound came out. Her body stayed tense.  

 

"Let me give you something better." 

 

She didn't move. San Tekka slowly reached up, taking her hands that still gripped the holocron, and gently teased her bloodless fingers away. She seemed unable to resist or aid him. 

 

When he had taken it away from her and set it on the stone, Luke felt the Dark Side ebb, the smoke dissipating. The girl's body shuddered and she moaned, the golden light in her eyes dimming. She swayed, then collapsed into Lor's arms. Softly he held her, cradling her small, unconscious body to his chest before rising and turning towards Luke.  

 

Luke got unsteadily to his feet, clipping his lightsaber to his belt. 

 

"Let us leave this place," Lor said. 

 

Luke could not agree more. He followed San Tekka out into the open air, where the sun was peeking above the horizon. Turning back to the cave, he probed with the Force, hand outstretched, finding weaknesses in the rubble and stone. He latched on to them with his mind, crumbling the remaining support and finishing the collapse that had started years before. The girl twitched in San Tekka's arms as tons of rock and earth buried the bodies of her victims and the object that had given her power over them. 

 

Luke faced Lor, who stood with a grave expression on his face, the girl limp in his arms. Luke stepped closer and gazed at the girl's face. Now she looked innocent and thin in her desert rags, blood and tears mingled on her skin, belying the power that he could sense lingering in her, humming with potential. And he knew she was not the only one.  

 

"Luke," Lor said, causing him to look up and meet his gaze. "Student of the Force, son and redemption of Anakin Skywalker, legacy of the Jedi. The galaxy needs a teacher. Will you guide the Light, renew the calling of the Jedi and bring balance to the galaxy?" 

 

Luke could only nod, his face set as daylight broke over them.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little disclaimer... I'm a super fan, not a super nerd, so pardon any inaccuracies. This is more of a prologue than anything else, the main storyline starts in the next chapter. I love these characters and this story; that said, I really want to hear any and all (constructive) criticism you all have!


	2. Chapter the Second

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [tumblr](https://a-nerd-obsessed.tumblr.com)

"Ben!" 

 

Ben Solo had known she was coming before she burst through his door. He had long since given up trying to hide from her; if he dampened his Force signature, she'd merely find him anyway and he wouldn't know she was coming. Locking the door was just as ineffective – she'd slice the coding within seconds. 

 

"Ben, guess what!"  

 

Rey stood before him, excitement glowing on her ten-year-old face, her eyes sparkling. He reluctantly set the holobook he had been studying on the mattress beside him where he was reclining, his lanky legs stretched out on his bed.  

 

"What?" 

 

"Chewie let me fly the Falcon!" 

 

"And it's still in one piece?" 

 

"Of course," she pouted. "I'm a good pilot!" 

 

"A freighter is very different than a speeder." 

 

"I have a natural talent," she said loftily. 

 

"I seem to recall winning the last time we raced." 

 

Rey really started to pout then. Ben knew he would have to do something to head her off before she got sulky and Luke would lecture him again about  _kindness_ and  _gentleness_ and  _there is no chaos, there is harmony_.  

 

"How was Kashyyyk?" 

 

Her mood instantly rebounded. "Do you want to see what I got?" 

 

Without waiting for an answer, she ran up and tugged on the sleeve of his robe, dragging him from the bed. He got up, long limbs unfolding as he stumbled after her. 

 

Outside his hut, the sky of Alaris Prime was clear and bright, the silhouette of the gas giant Alaris faded against the blue. The restored Jedi temple stood on a swell in the grassy plains, surrounded by a scattering of structures like his own dwelling. But Rey was pulling him away from the temple towards the area where the deep-rooted grasses had been torn up and smoothed away to make a landing pad for starcraft. A YT-model Corellian freighter sat in the sun, looking for all the world, at least in Ben's opinion, like it was only waiting for a stray breeze to collapse into a heap of scrap. Ben was sure it was more scrap than original parts at this point, having done several of the patch jobs himself as a young boy.  

 

When he saw the man talking to Luke Skywalker, he felt the surliness spike that had been rising in him since he sensed the  _Falcon_ 's crew make planetfall. Rey felt his sour mood and glanced at him, a wrinkle between her eyebrows, but he didn't acknowledge her look. He slowed his step, and she tugged his sleeve again. 

 

"Come on already!" 

 

Luke and Han Solo turned when they came up, Rey practically skipped to them, bowing to the Master Jedi. 

 

"Master." 

 

"Welcome back, Rey." 

 

"Ben's come to help me with the crate," she said. 

 

"This is news to me," Ben said. He felt his posture stiffen as his father's eyes turned to him. 

 

"It's too heavy for me," she stated matter-of-factly, her hazel eyes full of cheeky innocence. Ben crossed his arms and sighed. 

 

"Go on and unload it, sweetheart," Han said. "Chewie'll help you get it off the Falcon." 

 

She flashed a grin and ran up the ramp, her loose robes flying out behind her. The three men watched her go. 

 

"She seems like such a normal kid when she's like that," Han said. "It's hard to remember all that, well, you know –" He broke off when he saw his son's scowl deepen and remembered who he was talking to. 

 

It was hard to forget the first few months when Rey had come to live on Chandrila, the rages and screaming that nearly tore apart their home. Not unlike a younger Ben's.  

 

"Anyway," Han coughed, "she did great. Chewie’s family loves her. She picked up on the language like she was part Wookiee. Had to tear her away from them." 

 

“She’s an incredibly gifted child,” Luke said. “She’s one of my best students.”  

 

“Speaking of which,” Han said, “I might have another one for you. One of the Senators talked to Leia about a kid who had the – you know –“ 

 

“The Force?” Ben said, irritation coloring his tone dark. Why could his father not acknowledge the Force without getting so worked up? 

 

“Yeah,” Han said. “She said she’d contact you straight when she found out more.” 

 

“How’s Leia?” Luke asked.  

 

“She seemed alright. Busy, as usual. I didn’t actually see her, you know. We talked a couple days ago.” 

 

The men were distracted when Rey bounded down the the ramp followed by Chewbacca, who was carrying a crate of what looked like junk to Ben. The Wookiee set down the box before giving Luke and Ben a hug, ruffling the hair on Ben’s head while growling a greeting.  

 

“Hi to you too,” Luke said, a boyish grin on his face. “How is the progress on Kashyyyk?” 

 

The Wookiee homeworld had suffered greatly under the Empire's rule, and despite support from the New Republic, the process to rebuild was a long and arduous. The effort had seen great improvements in the early years, but the deeper injuries took longer to heal. Most of the prison camps had been demolished, but the damage to the ecosystem would take many decades to repair. The Wookiee people had also suffered much, and the hurt there was an entirely different kind that was not as easily forgotten.  

 

While Chewie updated Luke on the restoration of the Wookiee homeworld, Rey turned to Ben.  

 

“Look at all this!” Rey pulled out some components from the crate and held them up for his inspection. Upon closer examination Ben saw they were pieces of old Imperial tech that the Wookiees were probably more than glad to be rid of. To Rey, it was treasure.  

 

“What are you going to do with it?” Ben asked.  

 

“I don’t know yet.” Rey looked in the box thoughtfully. “I’ll clean them up first and see what I can make of them.” 

 

"Well, I need to get going," Han said. "Got to drop this old fuzzball off before heading back to meet up with my team. We've got some promising kids who really know how to race. The other guys won’t know what hit ‘em.” 

 

“Come on, Rey,” Ben said, turning away. He lifted the crate telekinetically and started back towards the dwellings clustered up the rise.  

 

“Thanks, Han!” Ben glanced back to see Rey give his father a quick hug before running up to join Ben.  

 

"Ben." 

 

He faced his father, jostling the crate as he set it down, eliciting an indignant squeak from Rey. He crossed his arms and waited for his father to continue. Han tensed for a second as if he was going to move towards his son, but then he just shoved his hands in his pockets.   

 

“I guess I’ll see you around, kid.” 

 

“May the Force be with you, Father,” Ben said, his voice toneless, avoiding the disapproving look he could feel Luke directing towards him.  

 

“Ben,” Rey said, tugging on the box, her small smile belying the pleading in her eyes. “Come on.”  

 

He felt his expression soften, knowing she was offering him an out. He levitated the crate again and started trudging up the slope. He heard the men start conversing again behind them but their words were lost in the drone of sriflies swarming in clouds that floated on warm breeze. The grasses rippled lazily as Rey walked alongside him on the path towards the Temple. He could feel the question buzzing in her mind before she spoke. 

 

"Why do you hate him?" 

 

Ben frowned. "I don't hate him." 

 

"Then why are you so mean to him? You're always so angry whenever Luke even mentions about him, and when he visits I can feel the Da–" 

 

"Rey," Ben hissed, glancing back to see if Luke was within earshot, but no, they were still talking, probably about him. 

 

"What?" 

 

"I have already told you not to look for Darkness – you need to reach for the Light." 

 

She glared up at him. “I can’t help it if it’s right there.” 

 

“You have to learn to shield yourself.” 

 

"You're not the enemy. I wouldn't have to shield myself from you if you weren't so angry all the time." 

 

Ben could feel his temper rising again. It was almost funny how she was always able to get under his skin, even as she kept him from lashing out at his father. No, it was definitely  _wasn't_  funny, it was annoying how she could control his emotions as easily as she piloted the Academy's speeders.  

 

He dropped the crate. "Why am I doing this? You can do it yourself." He kept walking, leaving her standing open-mouthed next to her box of junk. 

 

"Hey!" 

 

He stopped a few meters away and turned back to her, quirking his eyebrow in challenge. "You can lift it yourself. You're strong enough." 

 

She sputtered. "It's too heavy." 

 

He rolled his eyes. "It's not about the weight of the object. It's about what you believe is possible." 

 

"Don't you dare tell Master Luke's story about Yoda lifting the X-wing again." 

 

Ben smirked a little. "I wasn't, but thank you for thinking of it for me." 

 

"Ben!" 

 

"I don't have all day. I need to get back and finish my holobook before the evening meal." 

 

"Please, Ben, come on." The pitiful look on her face, her hazel eyes big and round, almost made him cave, but he knew her better than that. 

 

"You don't need me." He started walking away again, feeling Rey's astonishment. She reached out with the Force, attempting to wrap around his limbs and lock him in place, but he shook off her attempt easily and kept going. 

 

Then he was aware of something hurtling towards him, and instinct pulled him to move out of the way, but not soon enough. 

 

An old fuel injector bounced off his shoulder and rolled off into the grass. 

 

"What –" 

 

Ben dodged another component, this one with wires sticking out of both ends, as it sailed towards his head. Rey stood next to the crate, her fists balled at her sides, telekinetically hurling tech parts at him.  

 

"Rey!" He ducked again. "Stop!"  

 

She didn't answer. Instead the hail of durasteel and plastoid scraps increased in intensity. He sensed her playfulness turn sour as she nicked the side of his head, causing a drop of blood to slide down his forehead. He held his hands out, freezing everything in an arc in front of him, the sun glinting off of sharp edges and blunt corners.  

 

“ _Rey!_ ” 

 

Suddenly Luke was beside her, a firm hand on her arm. Ben saw his lips move, heard him speak to her a low murmur. Rey shuddered and jerked away from his grasp, but her hold on the scrap relaxed and everything fell to the ground with a clatter. 

 

"Hey, is everyone alright?" His father and Chewbacca had come up behind Luke, observing the scene with some concern. 

 

"We're fine," Ben snapped. 

 

"I'm sorry," Rey said in a voice barely above a whisper. 

 

"Rey," Luke said, his tone gentle, reaching out to touch her shoulder. 

 

"I said  _I'm sorry,_ " Rey hissed. When no one moved, she ran up the path, past Ben, past the four figures that had appeared at the top of the hill at the sound of the commotion. 

 

 _Just great_.  

 

Ben looked at the mess from their fight, then met his uncle's eyes, which were dark with disapproval. 

 

"Ben," his father said, "what happened?" 

 

"I didn't infuriate her on purpose if that's what you're asking." 

 

"I didn't say anything about who did what now. I'm just trying to figure out what tipped her over again." 

 

"I think it's probably a little out of your realm of comfort given that this particular disagreement involved use of the Force." 

 

"Enough." Luke's scowl was thunderous. "This isn't about you two. This is about Rey." 

 

Ben pressed his lips together, words still simmering on his tongue. His father likewise looked abashed, which didn't do much to improve Ben's mood. 

 

Luke started again. "Ben, I want you to clean up this –" 

 

"Later," he interrupted. He turned and stalked up the slope away from his failure. 

 

"Ben!" His father called "Listen to your uncle!" 

 

He ignore them in favor of shoving past the silent figures in his way. R2 scooted backward, warbling something in an undertone that Ben heard but pretended not to.  

 

"Someone's in trouble," whispered Joerian, the olive-skinned boy with an impish glint in his eyes. The young Twi'lek standing next to him shifted uncomfortably. 

 

"Hush," said Ryl, the dark-skinned woman in Jedi robes, but Ben was already gone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... what do you guys think? In my head this story is pretty dope, so I'm hoping it translates. Of course we're only two chapters in so... ya. Leave a comment anyway!


	3. Chapter the Third

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [tumblr](https://a-nerd-obsessed.tumblr.com)

Ben stood in front of her door, hesitating to knock, his knuckles hovering next to the surface of the wood.  

 

“Rey?”  

 

No response. Ben pressed his ear close to the panel but couldn't hear anything.  

 

“Rey, open the door.” 

 

He tentatively reached out with his thoughts to brush against her Force signature, but she turned him away with the mental equivalent of cornered loth-cat snapping its teeth.  

 

“Rey,” he said pleadingly, leaning his forehead against the door. He sighed and let go of his dignity. “I’m sorry for being an ass.” 

 

He waited. After a moment the door slid open to reveal a sorrowful figure.  

 

Rey was looking at the ground. “Master Luke thinks I’m hopeless.” 

 

Ben watched her study her feet. "No, he doesn't. He thinks I am. It's my fault that you got angry." 

 

Her face got that stubborn set when she refused to concede her point as she looked up at him. "Yes, he does." Her eyes drifted over his face and she pointed to his head, her expression darkening. "You're bleeding. That was me, not you."  

 

Ben touched his temple and felt the slick of blood on his skin, looked at his stained fingertips. He wondered that she wasn't frightened of blood. Of course, the last thing he needed right now was a hysterical Rey. Angry Rey was enough. "Nothing I didn't deserve."  

 

She glowered. "Let Shul fix it."  

 

"Yes, please. I can heal that."

 

Ben turned his head to see that Shul Vaal had followed quietly behind him and was waiting a short distance away. The Twi'lek's face was mildly concerned as he walked up to Ben and touched the cut on his face. Ben stiffened and Rey came up to his side, slipping her hand in his and squeezing. He felt the energy flowing from Shul's fingertips, knitting his skin together and closing the capillaries. Ben watched the younger apprentice's face, full of calm and concentration, envying his purposeful work. Shul was a skillful healer, better even than Luke, whereas Ben struggled to fix a scraped elbow. Rey had only just learned to heal bruises. 

 

"There. You're fine, Ben. Not even a mark." Shul smiled softly, stepping back. 

 

"Thank you." 

 

"Of course." Shul turned and headed toward the dining hall, reminding Ben that it was almost time for dinner. 

 

"I'm sorry."  

 

Ben looked down at Rey but she avoided his eyes. She grimaced when she saw the blood still smeared on his cheek and took her hand from his to rip a scrap of cloth from the end of her robe. Ben opened his mouth to protest but she'd already done it, so he pressed it shut. 

 

"Kneel," she said, tugging at his robes. He bent down and she scrubbed at the blood, her face scrunched in concentration. A smile tugged at his lips. 

 

"What?" 

 

"Nothing." 

 

When she was satisfied, Rey finally met his eyes. "I'm really sorry." 

 

"I know." Ben scooped her up and threw her over his shoulder, ignoring her squeal of protest. "Let's go get your things."  

 

Luke was waiting for them at the scene of their argument. The other two students – Ryl Trinja and Joerian Andor – had disappeared, likely to avoid any more fallout. Luke, however, had regained his impeccable Jedi Master demeanor. Ben set Rey on her feet. 

 

"Your father and Chewbacca left. They said to tell you goodbye." 

 

Ben nodded; it was easier that way. He had heard the sound of the sublight thrusters fading into the atmosphere.  

 

"I also still expect you both to clean up this mess. I'm glad you have decided to work this out quickly." He paused considering. "Disagreement is nothing to be ashamed or fearful of. It's what you do when you disagree that can be harmful."  

 

"Yes, Master," Rey and Ben said together. 

 

Luke looked them over with a weary expression, then shook his head. "Alright, be finished in time to meet us for dinner."  

 

When Luke had gone, they started searching through the grass for Rey's things. The sun had started to set on the moon of Alaris Prime, warping shadows into thin, jagged versions of themselves.  

 

"Sometimes I hate them." 

 

Ben looked over to where Rey was carefully setting a delicate thermal sensor into the crate. 

 

"They didn't come back, and that makes me angry. But I know something could have happened, that they couldn't find me or didn't have the money to come get me. But why did they leave me?" 

 

Ben glanced up the slope towards the Temple and the dining hall, wishing someone else could have this conversation. But no, he knows what she's trying to say, and they would all disregard it, shove it under a rug, afraid of its consequences. 

 

"They didn't have to. They could have decided  _not_ to leave me. What was more important than I was?" 

 

Ben moved toward her, setting a datapad with cracked casing and a shattered screen into the box at her feet. He could sense her thoughts moving darkly, not sharp like before, but more murky and treacherous, a reflection of something familiar. He took her by the shoulders. 

 

"I won't leave you."  

 

She looked up at him, startled for a moment. Then she giggled.  

 

"What?" Ben said, affronted. 

 

"You look so serious," she snickered. That only made Ben scowl more. 

 

"Come on already." Ben started to lift the crate with a gesture, but Rey stopped him. 

 

"No, I've got it." She concentrated for a moment, and then the heavy box rose into the air and moved back towards her hut. 

 

"Why you little – "  

 

Rey gave him a smirk and Ben lunged at her, trying to snatch her up again. She shrieked and darted away, the crate crashing the small height to the ground. He chased her through the grass until she tripped and tumbled in a heap of wiry limbs. Ben, following right behind her, tried not to step on her and stumbled, landing next to her on his back.  

 

They were both breathless and laughing when Joerian came looking for them. 

 

"Will you two hurry up? I'm starving here."  

 

"Patience is a Jedi discipline you could use more often, Joerian," Ben said, but Rey spoke over him. 

 

"Sorry, Jo, we're coming," she said, jumping up. "I'll meet you at the dining hall," she tossed over her shoulder. 

 

Rey scampered ahead, levitating the crate of parts in front of her almost effortlessly while Ben and Joerian followed behind, her shadow long as the sun finally began to set. The boys walked in silence to the dining hall, which was really more of a larger version of their personal huts. It held a long communal table and a small kitchen area where the culinary droid prepared all their meals. Luke presided at the head of the table, while Ryl and Shul were seated on one side. Joerian and Ben sat opposite them, Ben further away from his uncle. Rey bounced in a few moments later and claimed the bench next to Ryl who smiled at Rey before tapping the younger girl's elbows off the table. The droid whizzed over with plates heaped with food, each according to their preferences, and they began to eat. 

 

Ben didn't know why his uncle insisted on everyone eating together like some odd sort of pseudo-family. Mealtimes were one of his least favorite times of day because it seemed like a thinly-veiled attempt at forced bonding, especially when his uncle got into one of his monologues on Jedi teachings that Ryl and Shul seemed to enjoy. Joerian, who had only joined them a few months ago, was still new enough that he ate up the lessons with a rapt expression on his face. Ben would much rather learn from a book or through meditation. At least then he wouldn't be expected to engage in conversation.  

 

A kick to his shin caused him to look up, and he saw Rey's anxious look from across the table. She darted her eyes towards Luke, and Ben realized he had missed something.  

 

"I'm sorry, what?" 

 

"I asked if you had finished the Clone Wars history I lent you." 

 

Ben looked steadily at his food, mostly untouched. "No, not yet." He didn't feel like telling him he'd already read that particular holobook twice.

 

"Were you named after General Kenobi?" Joerian asked, pointing at him with a forkful of mashed tuber. 

 

"May I be excused?" Ben didn't wait for his uncle's nod before pushing himself up from the table. Rey watched him go with concerned eyes. Always watching him. He felt a spurt of irritation. 

 

Outside, the sun had finally set, although it isn't quite dark yet. Anyway, after living here for four years he could walk the path to the Temple in pitch-black darkness. When he got inside, Ben sat with his legs crossed, hands on his knees as he closed his eyes. His breathing evened out as he extended his perception, delving into the Force. The emotions of the afternoon's events stretched out and melted away as he lost himself in the currents flowing around him. Dimly he was aware that his body relaxed along with his mind. Light suffused his conscious, and he felt peace for the first time that day. But then, something tugged on his thoughts, and then, a memory –  

 

\--- 

 

It was just days after Rey and Luke had arrived in the middle of the night at their apartment on Chandrila. Luke and his father had gone to scout for a location for Luke's new Jedi academy, and his mother had gone to meet with some senators about funding for Luke's project. Which meant that Ben was stuck babysitting. 

 

Not that Ben couldn't handle a seven-year-old on his own. But when she'd first come, she'd been unconscious, half-starved, and half-mad. 

 

The first time Luke had tried to wake her from her Force-induced sleep, she'd immediately started screaming and nearly wrecked the bedroom that Leia had fixed for her with the help of T-2LC, their protocol droid. Ben had sat in his own room, clutching his head as the girl sent waves of Dark energy rippling through the Force, an echo of the night terrors that woke him every night. He nearly bit through his tongue when she latched onto his thoughts like a drowning victim, sensing a like mind, dragging him down into a pain and fear that felt so familiar. Luke had been obliged to put her under almost immediately. Ben didn't dare tell his uncle how she had pulled on him. 

 

The second time she hadn't panicked right away, but when Luke tried to explain what had happened, her anxiety spiked. Leia and Luke had tried to soothe the girl, but Ben felt the Dark seed in her mind react to the Light his uncle and mother projected, and she lashed out again.  

 

Therefore it was understandable that Ben was fearful when his mother left for her meeting. 

 

"Don't worry. Luke said she won't wake up again until he comes back. And I'm leaving Elsie here if you need anything."  

 

Still, Ben was nervous, sensing the girl's Darkness simmering under a blanket of unconsciousness in the next room. Per usual, he attempted to ignore everything by burying his nose in a holobook, but the excitement of the past few days combined with nightmare-filled sleep meant that he dozed off as the warm breeze swept in from the open patio door.  

 

When he started awake a few hours later slumped over on the couch, the first thing his eyes focused on was the girl, standing silently in front of him, the bedroom door ajar. He said nothing, staring deep into her clear hazel eyes. Slowly, she reached out, and Ben tried not to move, afraid he'd set her off again. His eyes darted to the other side of the apartment where he knew LC was busy tidying up his parents' suite, but he didn't dare make a sound. 

 

The girl touched his cheek, and they both gasped as they felt a flux of strange energy, a Dark presence that was hauntingly familiar. She jerked away, and he saw his fear reflected in her eyes, mingling with confusion. 

 

"Who are you?" She asked. 

 

"Ben. What's your name?" 

 

"I'm Rey. I'm seven, I think." 

 

Ben sat up slowly. "Ok." 

 

"Do I know you?" 

 

"Maybe.” Ben paused. “During your fits you would touch my thoughts so maybe you recognize me." 

 

Her brow wrinkled. Ben realized maybe she didn't remember it, how she'd caused the glow panels to flicker, how she’d smashed chairs against the wall, how she'd gripped his mind like a vice and didn't let go. 

 

“I’m hungry.” 

 

“What?” 

 

“I’m hungry.” 

 

Looking at her, he could imagine that she would be. The tunic Leia had put her in, one of Ben’s outgrown castoffs, was several sizes too large and hung loosely from her thin frame. Her eyes were hallow and her arms looked like bones wrapped in skinny muscle.  

 

“Come on. I’m sure Beex will find something for you.” 

 

When Leia returned later that day, that’s where she found them, sitting at the table as Rey licked her plate clean while Ben watched her with curiosity and wariness. Rey saw her and immediately shrank away, leaning against Ben. 

 

"Mom," Ben said, "this is Rey."  

 

\--- 

 

Ben pulled himself out of the past, back into his own body. Gradually, he noticed that the others had come in and were sitting around him, lost in their own private meditations. All except Rey, who was staring at him curiously. 

 

 _Did she feel it too?_  Ben wondered. He didn't know when the others had come in, or when he had been drawn into the memory.  

 

"Rey, focus," Ryl admonished. Rey looked like she was about to launch a defensive, but then thought better of it, glaring at Ben before shutting her eyes.  

 

"You too, Jo," Ryl said to the boy shifting his weight with his eyes screwed tightly shut. Jo froze and tensed even more in an attempt to will himself into a peaceful state.  

 

Ben smirked before closing his eyes again. Ryl was far older than all of them, at least ten years older than Ben. She was the first to join them after they had come to Alaris Prime, and she quickly took on the mothering role at the Academy, which Ben ignored and Rey tolerated for the most part. But she was kind and sincere, a born Jedi, the only Knight thus far, having grown up orphaned in the wilderness with only her instinctual connection to the Light keeping her alive and well. 

 

When sunlight no longer filtered through the high windows, Luke told them all to return to their own dwellings, bidding them good night. Ben entered his room and changed into sleeping clothes, lying down on the bed but not closing his eyes. He knew it would be a wakeful night and he preferred no sleep to a few hours attempting to sleep.  

 

“Ben?” 

 

He jerked up and rubbed his eyes with a groan, realizing he had drifted off despite his efforts to stay awake. For a moment, he saw a tall, dark silhouette standing in his doorway, tense and fearful, then he blinked. When his eyes focused, he recognized the familiar shape of a girl standing uncertainly in his doorway.  

 

“Yes, Rey?” 

 

“I couldn’t sleep.” 

 

Ben knew that was code for nightmares. Horrible, terrifying nightmares. Not that he told her, but he knew because they were always worse after an incident like today.  

 

"Come on," he said. 

 

Ben grabbed his blanket from the bed and took her hand. Outside in the cool night air, he walked them to the shallow steps of the temple and sat down, pulling her down beside him and wrapping them both in the blanket. They sat there, silent, gazing at the sky. Night on Alaris Prime never achieved true darkness because of the ionized rainbows that whipped through the upper atmosphere, creating a light show of undulating colors.  

 

"I heard the voice again," Rey whispered.  

 

Ben pulled her closer. "I know." 

 

"It told me to hit you. It said you deserved to bleed." 

 

"Well, it wasn't wrong." 

 

Rey yawned. "Luke says we shouldn't hurt others, even when they deserve it." 

 

"Also not wrong." 

 

"How can they both be right?" 

 

Ben thought for a while, letting the sound of night insects wash over them. "I don't know yet." 

 

"Will you tell me when you know?" 

 

"Of course."  

 

Eventually Rey's eyes drooped and she drifted off to sleep, her Force signature dampened into drowsy flutters. Ben sat awake, projecting a calm and peace over her mind that he didn't feel, sensing the Darkness across lightyears and millennia watching them huddled at the doorway to the temple of Light. He kept his arm around her, guarding against the Dark within and without until dawn erased the stars and the light awakened the world around them.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoy writing it... which probably doesn't happen since it's so much clearer in my head. But, I mean, Reylo, ya know? 
> 
> Let me know what you think!


	4. Chapter the Fourth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [tumblr](https://a-nerd-obsessed.tumblr.com)

_Two years later..._

 

 

"Rey, we're leaving now." 

 

Ben stood outside her quarters, leaning on the doorframe, watching Rey run around her room packing her bag in a frenzy of excitement, the three brown buns on her head bouncing as she dashed back and forth. He sighed, wishing he could share her enthusiasm. 

 

"I'm almost ready, just wait a second –“ Rey reached behind her bed and pulled out her staff, starting to sling it over her shoulder. 

 

"You can't bring that." 

 

"Why not?" Rey looked indignant, indicating the hilt hanging from his waist. "You're bringing your weapon."  

 

"This is a diplomatic trip to the Senate. A big stick wouldn't fit the image we're trying to project." 

 

"But your lightsaber can cause a lot more damage than my staff," she persisted. 

 

Ben smirked. "A lightsaber is a Jedi's weapon. It's acceptable and expected that a Knight would be carrying one." 

 

At that, she made a face. "You don't have to rub it in, Mr. Jedi Knight." 

 

"Leave the staff." 

 

"Fine." She shoved it back in its spot, then glanced around the room, looking over the stash of components organized neatly by size and type, the flight simulator she had constructed in the corner, the bed made to military perfection, her latest project unfinished in pieces. "Ok, I think I have everything." 

 

"Well, come on, they're waiting." 

 

Rey followed him out the door, slinging her pack over her shoulder. They walked side by side to the landing pad where the others waited by the Academy's yacht, the  _Hope Awake_. Rey started to run, her light robes trailing behind her, and Ben lengthened his stride to keep up with her.  

 

Joerian Andor saw them coming and grinned. "Look who decided to show up!" 

 

"Switch off, Jo." Rey said, slowing to a halt as she reached the group waiting for them. "You just got here yourself." 

 

"But I'm not last, am I?" He teased. 

 

"Both of you, be kind," Shul said, his brow creased in a frown. 

 

"Aw, come off it, Shul. A little ribbing never hurt anyone," Jo said. 

 

"Hmm, that maybe so, Joerian, but you could use a little more respect towards others," Ryl Trinja said, her tone firm despite the kindness in her eyes. "Rey, go stow your pack." 

 

Rey obeyed, but not before smirking at Jo, who had kept an unrepentant half-smile on his face. Ben felt like reminding her that  _she_ wasn't particularly respectful either, but then she was climbing up the ramp and disappearing into the hold of the starship. She nearly ran into Luke, who was descending, but she nimbly skirted around him with a mumbled, _"Sorry, Master."_  

 

Luke joined them at the foot of the ramp. "Lalae and the al Raels are already aboard. Joerian, you can go join them." 

 

Joerian followed Rey onto the ship, and Luke turned to his younger Knights.  

 

"As unexciting as giving a report to the Senate is, this is the first time we will be presenting the New Jedi Order to the galaxy. I need you all to be examples to the apprentices. I don't expect perfect behavior from them, especially since this is the first time they will all be travelling off-world together, but I expect them to exercise the discipline we have taught them." 

 

"Yes, Master," Shul and Ben responded together. 

 

"Ryl, I trust you will make the most of your time here." 

 

"Of course, Master." Ryl smiled. "May the Force be with you." 

 

"And with you," Luke returned her smile as he placed a hand on the dome of the blue-and-white astromech beside Ryl, who beeped a bitter farewell, unhappy at being left behind. Ryl had elected to stay and keep watch over the Temple in their absence. While the Academy was still very small, with only nine people sharing the grounds, it was still more than Ryl was used to after living alone in a forest for much of her childhood. Ben envied her for that, in contrast to his younger days growing up surrounded by millions of sentients, their thoughts and emotions battering at his sensitive mind. Her serenity spoke of a practiced calm and acceptance with her place that Ben admired even if he couldn't hope to understand it.  

 

The knights and the master boarded the  _Hope Awake_ as Luke went to the cockpit, starting the sublight engines so that they hummed under the decks. That left Ben and Shul to wrangle the apprentices. 

 

"Give it up, Tirian," Joerian was saying. "You should just let her have it now. It'd save you a lot of time." 

 

"No." 

 

Ben and Shul heard a yelp and a crash, and when the knights entered the main cabin, they saw Tirian al Rael sprawled on the floor against the far bulkhead. All the other apprentices were in the seats lining the space except for Rey, who quickly plopped herself down.  

 

"What happened here?" Shul asked evenly. Ben had caught the gleam in Rey's eyes, and, by noting the seating arrangement, he had a fairly good idea of how Tirian had ended up on the floor with an outraged expression on his face. 

 

Jo was the one who volunteered the information. "Tirian wanted to switch seats with Rey because he didn't want to sit next to Lalae because he thinks she talks too much, so Rey pushed him out of her seat." 

 

"Hey!" Lalae Hilo said in an offended tone, although her half-smile gave away her attempt at outrage. "I do not talk too much!" 

 

"I didn't say that you did, I just said that Tirian thinks you do." 

 

"Hush, you two. Learn to guard your words, especially you, Joerian," Shul said, glancing between the human and the Togruta apprentice, infinitely patient. Ben was already looking forward returning to his own quarters on Alaris Prime and locking the door. "Rey? Care to explain?" 

 

"I had already claimed this seat when Tirian tried to take it," she said, looking at Ben. He frowned back at her. 

 

"And how did you respond?" Shul asked. 

 

"She used the Force!" Tirian was on his feet now, glowering at Rey. Shul held up a hand, waiting for Rey to speak. 

 

Her eyes flicked from Shul to Ben to the floor. "I pushed him." 

 

"With the Force!" 

 

"Be quiet, brother," Tarith al Rael said, leaning his head against the back of his seat with his eyes closed, his flame-colored hair spilling over his face. 

 

"Rey, there are better ways to resolve conflict. Physical action should be a Jedi's last resort. Instead we must appeal to the mind and heart first." 

 

"Yes, Shul," Rey said quietly. 

 

"And Tirian, you cannot simply demand things. You must learn to respect the wishes of others before your own. The Jedi seek to serve and protect the best interest of others, not ourselves. Understand, Tirian?" 

 

Tirian had risen to his feet, his bright copper eyes flashing, even though his face was carefully neutral in that way Ben recognized from the politicians that his mother dealt with. He supposed the al Rael brothers had learned it young growing up in the Hapan court. Even now, Tirian's stance made the simple Jedi robes he wore look like the fine garb of a lord's heir.  

 

Which irritated Ben to no end. He crossed his arms.  

 

"I understand," Tirian said with false humility. 

 

“I won’t demand apologies from each of you, as I imagine at the moment they’d be rather insincere,” Shul said with a soft smile. 

 

"Sit down, please, Tirian," Tarith said, an apologetic look in his bronze eyes as he glanced at the two knights. Slowly, his brother complied. 

 

Under their feet, the deck began to hum louder as the thrusters pushed off. The  _Hope Awake_ began to rise off the surface of Alaris Prime, flying effortlessly through the atmosphere. Everyone momentarily forgot the argument as their attention was diverted to the activity of the ship. Through the viewports, Ben watched the Jedi temple get swallowed in the grassy plains, which blended into the darker green of the wroshyr forests to the east and contrasted with the bright blue of the oceans to the west. Then the sky went black and the forest moon was behind them, overshadowed by the gas giant it orbited.  

 

Ben turned his head at the sharp intake of breath from Rey, who was seated across from him. While he had traveled more than his fair share during his childhood, space travel was still very new to her. He watched her awed expression as the ship maneuvered into the hyperlane that would take them towards Chandrila. Her excitement was almost palpable. 

 

Tirian was still glaring at her, so Ben decided it would help cool off the boy's temper if he took Rey out of his sight, up to the cockpit. He definitely was  _not_  indulging her by any means. 

 

"Come on." 

 

"Where?" 

 

"Just come." 

 

"Watch my seat," Rey said to Joerian, who nodded without looking up from his holopad. 

 

In the cockpit, Rey brushed by Ben and dropped without hesitation into the copilot's seat.  

 

"Hello." Luke glanced over at her as he continued the priming sequence for the Class 2 hyperdrive, waiting for the navcomp to finish their calculations. Ben settled in behind them. His uncle gave him a look, to which he shrugged. He didn't feel like explaining.  

 

Rey was studying the display intently. "So we're taking Randon Run to Perlemian Trade Route, right?"  

 

"Yes, we should arrive in about five or so hours." As Luke spoke, the navcomp chirped its completion. Rey sat up a little straighter, watching Luke's every move. Ben could see her fingers twitch, as eager as they were with the simulations she practiced relentlessly every day in her quarters, only stopping to study star charts or flight manuals.  

 

After one final check, Luke moved to push the control forward. 

 

"Can I?" Rey asked, her eyes shining. 

 

Luke stopped. "I suppose so." 

 

Eagerly she reached towards the console and pushed the handle home, sucking in her breath as starlines stretched out beyond the transparisteel of the viewport as they launched into hyperspace.  

 

~---~ 

 

Ben left Rey in the cockpit, asking Luke incessant questions about the ship and space travel, each of which he answered with mind-numbing detail that Rey devoured eagerly. Ben, however, left soon after they made the jump, passing through the common area and flopping onto one of the bunks in the cabins in the aft of the ship, shutting the door with a flick of his wrist. He picked up his holobook to pass the time, and it only seemed like a few minutes when he heard someone speaking to him.  

 

"Ben, wake up. We're here." Shul stood in the doorway, waiting until he saw Ben’s eyes open before moving away, leaving the door open. Ben sat up, the holobook he had been attempting to read falling to the deck with a thump. He wasn't surprised that he had dozed off – hyperspace always seemed to do that to him. Something about the hum of the engines or the fuzzy feeling in his head from interdimensional travel. 

 

"I'm coming,” he said in the general direction of where Shul had been. He stretched out his fingers and the history text flew to his hand. Scrubbing a hand over his face, Ben searched for where he had dropped off, rereading the pages about the destruction of the Jedi Temple on Coruscant until he found the last paragraph he remembered before falling asleep. 

 

 _"All the security footage was destroyed or lost, although several eyewitnesses confirmed the attack was carried out by Republic clone troopers. The 501_ _st_ _legion was acting under orders from the Senate, of which the Jedi Order was not made aware. All sentients in the complex were killed, young and old alike. Some unverified reports found afterwards stated that while most of the casualties were the result of blaster wounds, some were caused by lightsaber injuries, perhaps indicating that in the chaos the Jedi mistakenly attacked their own, further proving their ineffectiveness and ineptitude in dealing with crises, both internal and external."_  

 

Ben marked his place before stuffing it in his bag, tossing it over his shoulder and following after Shul.  

 

When he had disembarked, he found himself in a New Republic hangar, noticing the array of other diplomatic vessels parked in the cavernous space. He joined the others standing next to the  _Hope Awake_. 

 

"Look who's last this time." Rey had moved through the group beside him. He gave her a look before turning to listen to the dark-skinned girl speaking to the cluster of Jedi. 

 

"I'm Greer Sonnel, Senator Organa's intern. She asked me to show you to where you'll be staying." 

 

"Is Leia not here?" Luke inquired. "I'd hoped to see her before the Senate session." 

 

Greer gave a half-smile. "No, she's not. She was forcibly drafted onto a committee inspection of the new Senatorial complex construction in the Hosnian system. She said she'd contact you as soon as she's free." 

 

"Well, in that case, lead the way," Jo broke in, flashing her a grin. She glanced at him with a very unimpressed look before speaking to Luke again. 

 

"Follow me." 

 

~---~

 

Rey tossed her pack to the floor and ran to the window. Outside, the Hanna City skyline was spread out before her, and beyond, she could just see the hills and the lakes shining in the sunlight. She pressed her forehead to the glass, her breath condensing on the surface, taking in the view with wide eyes. After four years on Alaris Prime, Rey had become accustomed to being surrounded by growing things, but the plains around the temple were often dry, sometimes more brown than green. Chandrila was bursting with rich verdant growth contrasted by the deep blue of the sky, everything saturated with life. She closed her eyes for a moment, reaching out with her senses as Luke had taught her, reveling in the ebb and flow of the Force around her, death and life, cold and warmth, some Darkness but mostly an overwhelming Light. Lalae joined her at the window after putting her belongings on one of the two beds in their room. 

 

“I didn't know there was this much green in the whole galaxy," Rey whispered, opening her eyes.  

 

"It's beautiful," Lalae agreed. "Back home on Kiros, there's so much green that you almost forget how beautiful it really is. You should come visit someday. You'd love it. And everywhere there's waterfalls and rivers to swim in."  

 

Rey looked up at the older girl before turning to gaze at the scenery again. "I don't know how to swim," she admitted.  

 

"I'd teach you. It's not hard at all. I'm sure you'd learn quickly." She smiled down at Rey, her brilliant smile standing out against her golden skin and blue head tails. 

 

"Do you miss your homeworld?"  

 

"Yes, often," Lalae said without hesitation. "And my family, too. But I never regret my choice to learn under Master Skywalker."  

 

The Togruta had only joined the Academy a few months ago, but she had adjusted quickly to the rigorous discipline of Jedi training and life on Alaris Prime, despite being almost as old as Ben. She was another natural-born Jedi, much like Ryl and Shul. The al Raels, on the other hand, while younger, had  been at the Academy for a year and still seemed distant from the other apprentices. Rey figured it was mostly due to the difference in personalities – Lalae was bubbly and friendly, whereas the Hapan brothers were aloof and chilly, especially the younger, Tirian. Not that Rey particularly cared. She didn't need many friends – she always had Ben, after all. She didn't need to worry about being alone, not like on Jakku.  

 

"We should go find the others," Lalae said, breaking into Rey's reverie.  

 

"Alright," Rey said. 

 

Together they left their room, entering the common area of the suite that Greer had said was assigned to the Jedi delegation during the duration of their stay. No one was lounging on the sofas, but Rey sought out Ben's Force signature and followed it to the dining room. The other apprentices were scattered around the enormous table in front of another stunning view of the city, partaking in the refreshments that had been laid out. Greer stood alongside the wall, observing the Jedi with interest. Master Luke and the two Knights were standing at the front of the room when Rey and Lalae entered. 

 

"Ah, there you are," Luke said. "Eat if you're hungry."  

 

Rey didn't need encouragement. She dragged Lalae to a seat next to Joerian and promptly started in on the food.  

 

“Our report to the Senate committee is this afternoon. Ben, Shul, and I are going to have to be there for the entirety of their meeting, so we will have to leave you here. We should be back before the evening. Joerian will be in charge, but I trust you all not to do anything that doesn’t represent us well. Use the time you are given wisely, like I’ve taught you.” 

 

“Yes, Master,” they chorused.  

 

“Alright.” Luke smiled as he looked around at them, then shook his head, trying to find a more serious expression. “Come, Ben, Shul, we have to go.” 

 

“I’ll show you the way.” Greer detached herself from the wall.  

 

A frisson of anxiety and irritation snagged Rey’s attention. She cut her eyes towards the source of the feeling. Ben was standing with his usual neutral face, but there was a frown between his eyes and Rey could see the tense lines in his posture. She knew he had been dreading this trip to the Senate and, although he had never said as much, he didn’t think very highly of the the New Republic’s governing body. She was also fairly certain that it wasn’t just a difference in political ideologies. No, the muttering that he indulged in when they were alone on the landing field back home had a distinctly personal edge. She’d just nod as she tinkered with the Academy’s speeders, occasionally distracting him with questions about the mechanical problem she was working on, figuring it was better to let him talk there than where the others could pick up on the anger discoloring his words. They did that for each other, covering for their less-than-perfect-Jedi sides.  

 

Greer exited the room with Luke, Shul, and Ben following. Just as he turned away, Rey managed to catch Ben's eye. She scrunched up her nose and stuck out her tongue before giving him a cheeky grin. He didn't smile back, but she felt the tension around him relax and his eyes softened. Then the door slid shut behind him. 

 

Rey was still smiling when she looked back and caught Tirian watching her. She frowned at him until he glanced away.  _Find something else to stare at, jerk_. Then his eyes slid back to hers, a small smirk on his face. Rey stuck out her tongue at him too, but not in a friendly way. 

 

"Well," Jo clapped his hands together, "now that they're gone, it's time we went out and explored."  

 

"What?" Tarith said, looking up from the cake he had been crumbling on his plate. Tirian's sharp gaze shifted towards Joerian.  

 

"Out. In the city." 

 

"Yes!" Rey pushed back her chair and jumped up. 

 

"I think not," Lalae said, glaring at Joerian. "Master Luke expects us to wait for him here." 

 

"He never said that. He said he'd see us this evening, and to use our time wisely. I'd say this fits in nicely with both." 

 

"I don't know..." 

 

"Please, Lalae?" Rey turned to her with a pleading expression, but Lalae was looking at Joerian as she bit her lip. The al Raels watched silently as the two oldest apprentices struggled it out. Joerian waited. 

 

"Fine. Let's do it," Lalae said, relenting with a small smile.  

 

"Come on!" Rey said, already halfway out of the room, ready for an adventure. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy June! I feel like 2018 just started but here we are... that much closer to Episode IX! 
> 
> So I've obviously created some original characters to fill out my story... hopefully they are sufficiently 3D to make them real. Some are characters I love from the movies/books and hopefully I'm doing them justice. Let me know what you think!
> 
> Also I wanted to clarify that for the purposes of this story, Ben and Rey are about 8 years apart. I know it's accepted that they've more of 9-10 year gap in age, but what's a fic for except to bend the canon a bit?
> 
> Please leave a comment and/or kudos... I want to hear your thoughts about where this story is going!


	5. Chapter the Fifth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this is a bit dense, but I have so many headcanons they all just come out when I write. Sorry not sorry.
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](https://a-nerd-obsessed.tumblr.com)

Ben desperately wished he could hide. 

 

It had been a few months since his uncle had announced that the Senate had requested a report on the activities of the Jedi Academy on Alaris Prime. That had not been unexpected; Ben understood that the New Republic would want to know how their funds were being spent. What was not expected was that everyone would be making the trip to Chandrila.

 

Rey had been ecstatic. She had almost never been off-world, with the exception of the few jaunts in the  _Falcon_  with his father, and of course the fateful journey that had brought her from Jakku five years ago. Now, at twelve years old, she didn't remember much of her brief stay on Chandrila in the Solos' apartment before the establishment of the Academy, and she had been eager to visit again.

 

Ben, however would have been perfectly content to never return to his homeworld. In fact, the last thing he wanted to do was to participate in the circus that was the New Republic Senate. 

 

He had no doubt that the Senate was doing some good for the galaxy. But from what he could see, that good was only accomplished after much political maneuvering and wasted resources. He'd seen it firsthand growing up, remembering bitterly the circular debates that he'd been dragged to when his mother had to present to committees, or the sumptuous galas that he'd had to endure where the Organa name was needed to help reconcile a fractious diplomat. He'd hated the judgment and the manipulation he could sense, even as they smiled down at the little boy holding his mother's hand. His father avoided anything to do with politics like the plague, and Ben found this was one of the very few things where he agreed with the elder Solo. 

 

He also knew that his father shared his distaste for the way her responsibilities weighed on his mother. He'd watched the dark circles under her eyes deepen and the silver hairs on her head spread. Not that Leia ever let on to anyone outside her family, even as her duties often called her to be away from them. Ben hadn't really expected to see much of his mother on this trip, even though she had promised to find time to visit and catch up. A Senator's work was never finished. 

 

And now he was getting sucked into that mess too. Still, he hoped that his uncle would not let the new Jedi get entangled in politics, given how that had turned out before. 

 

"There are several items on the agenda today," Greer was saying. "Usually you'd give your report to the Committee on Specialized Nongovernmental Organizations, but Senator Organa believes that every world is interested to hear of your progress, so they've asked to hear from you in the main session." Greer consulted her datapad. "Unfortunately, your report is rather far down on the list, Master Jedi." 

 

"Maybe that will mean less time for questions," Luke said with a smile. Ben realized with a small bit of self-satisfaction that his uncle probably wasn't horribly excited to share in front of hundreds of senators either. Unlike his mother, the other Skywalker didn't have a natural leaning towards politics.

 

Greer lead them across the vast complex, an amalgamation of buildings that had been repurposed when the New Republic had decided to establish its capitol, at least temporarily, in Hanna City. Ben could still remember the construction equipment scattered throughout the structure as his mother would take him to her office or into various meetings. Chandrila had always been a political center in the Old Republic, but it was not prepared to be the seat of the new Galactic Senate, and other worlds did not appreciate the amount of power that housing the new government granted to the already influential planet. It especially didn’t sit well with Chancellor Mon Mothma’s Populist policies. Thus the move to Hosnian system had become a political necessity, which is why Leia had to be involved. Any major act of the government had to be supported by one of the greats, and his mother definitely qualified: former Imperial Senator, Princess of Alderaan, heir of House Naberrie, and Rebel Alliance leader. 

 

After walking for what must have been several city blocks, they took a lift up to the higher levels where visiting diplomats could view the proceedings. Greer watched the room designations printed in Aurebesh as they passed, then gestured towards one of the doors set into the wall of the hallway opposite a bank of windows. 

 

“This is where you will be seated during the session. I will be in the anteroom if you should need anything.”

 

“Thank you, Ms. Sonnel.”

 

“Greer is fine,” she said, moving aside to let them pass. For the first time, Ben noticed the tired look in her eyes. She seemed worn down, but he also sensed a practiced resilience. Good. She’d need it to keep up with his mother. 

 

She met his look, giving a half-smile as if reading his mind and flicked her eyes towards Luke and back to Ben.  _You have your own Skywalker sibling to keep up with._

 

Inside, they found seats in a balcony overlooking the vast open space that housed the main sessions of the Galactic Senate. Below them were arrayed many more balconies, filled with the representatives of hundreds of worlds.  Some were yet unoccupied, as there was still some time until the session was called to order, but others displayed the great variety of sentient life across the galaxy. In just a glance, Ben could see Bothans, Lonerans, Twi’leks, humans, and Filithars, each dressed in the finest their world had to offer. He could also feel them, the life forces of so many coming together, each with their own agenda. As a child, it had overwhelmed him. Now he had the discipline to tune them out, although it darkened his mood to be here again. His uncle sensed it and glanced at him.

 

"There is no chaos, there is harmony, Ben."

 

"Yes, Master," Ben said. Closing his eyes, he reached out with his feelings, rising above the noise, seeking peace beyond the Senate chamber. He moved past Luke, even-tempered as always, and Shul, serene and attentive. Without meaning to, he found the apprentices, back in their assigned quarters. They seemed to exude excitement and he latched on to that joy. He felt Rey especially, her unique signature standing out, that powerful Light covering the frisson of Darkness that she hid so well. He felt her anticipation rising and he frowned, wondering what she was getting into when Shul touched his shoulder.

 

"Ben, the session is starting."

 

~---~

 

Whatever he had gained through his brief meditation had quickly evaporated once the session began. 

 

"Senator, you have failed to explain to me how more restrictions on the unregulated outposts will result in a decrease of trafficked beings from the Outer Rim, especially when they draw resources from economic restructuring efforts in those worlds most affected.”

 

“Without more regulation, we cannot hope to stem the flow of slaves into New Republic worlds.”

 

“We cannot force our ideals on worlds that have yet to join the Republic, but we can change the market so that the slave trade is not profitable. By using harsh methods, we would merely shift the problem to new avenue, but slavery would remain.”

 

“You suggest that we stand by and wait for the market to become less  _favorable_ while millions are held in forced labor?”

 

“I suggest that we find a more permanent solution rather than avoiding dealing with the root of the problem.”

 

Ben stifled a sigh. This had been going on for the past several hours. Ben noted with grim amusement that even Shul had a glazed look. 

 

Finally the session moved on to reports. The Jedi stood while the holocam droids focused on their balcony, capturing their image to be projected as a holo before every Senators’ delegation. 

 

“Senators, I speak on behalf of the New Jedi Order. In the five years since its establishment, we have grown just as the New Republic has, overcoming challenges and adapting to this unique era in our galaxy’s history.”

 

Ben tuned out as his uncle detailed the expenses and activities of the Academy on Alaris Prime. Instead he felt out for the apprentices again. They were distant but still glowing with excitement, edged with mischievousness, and in some cases, guilt.  _They’re up to something._

 

“The floor is now open for questions,” the moderator droid announced, drawing Ben back to the proceedings. Shul straightened his shoulders and blinked twice, refocusing himself. 

 

“Senator Ormes Apolin,” the moderator droned. 

 

“Master Jedi, thank you for your thorough report. I am, however, concerned by the slow expansion of your project. In the years since you began, you’ve only managed to recruit eight students. How do you plan to increase enrollment in your Academy?”

 

Luke didn’t reply right away. “I do not recruit students. They are recommended to me and accepted after careful consideration.”

 

“How then do you expect your school to produce more graduates that will contribute to the Republic? So far you have only three, and these have remained to support you at the Academy. How soon do you would you expect to take up the role that the Jedi once filled if your enrollment does not grow?"

 

"Senator Tai-Lin Garr."

 

When he appeared on the holo in front of them and began to speak, Ben recognized the senator as one of his mother's oldest allies in the Senate. 

 

"I was not aware, Senator Apolin, that the Senate expected the Jedi to take on the same duties they had prior to the fall of the Old Republic."

 

"I'd hardly imagine that the Senate would support an extralegal organization that works to develop individuals with enhanced abilities without expecting some return on that investment."

 

"Again, I was not aware that we were allowing the Jedi to rebuild just for their utility."

 

"You may have grown comfortable, Senator, but this government is still young. We need to maintain our hold on significant powers in the galaxy, even underdeveloped ones."

 

Ben was astounded, but he knew the other two Jedi were even more shocked. Neither of them had been expecting that their report – a report given out of courtesy in order to keep the Senate apprised of how their contribution to the Academy was being spent – would result in a discussion of how the new Order would be used to enforce the will of the Republic. Ben, however, hadn't expected any less. He was infuriated. The Republic had already eaten up his childhood, the politics of a new government consuming all of his mother's time and pushing his father away from his family. Now it was trying to control his new life, too.

 

 _You can become more than this_.

 

The Senate chamber was gone, and he saw a child with dark hair, dressed in uncomfortable formal clothes, hiding behind his mother as others whispered and stared, already deciding his future.

 

_You do not have to submit to any authority._

 

He saw the Jedi, his friends, Rey, trapped by the New Republic's meddling, ensnared into doing its will. Ben fought the urge to grip his head, to scream, to lash out. The cold voice in his head held his mind with inexorable strength. 

 

_Become what you were meant to be._

 

A girl stood, bathed in fiery light, holding out a hand. 

 

_Choose to be more._

 

Ben drew in a sharp breath, causing Shul to glance and him and raise his eyebrows in a question. When he saw his expression, Shul took his arm and pulled him back into the anteroom, where Greer sat observing the session from a holoscreen embedded in the wall. She stood quickly, concerned.

 

"Ben? What's wrong?" Shul gripped his shoulders, his voice coming from far away.

 

_No!_

 

"Rey?" Ben gasped, suddenly snapping out of the vision.

 

"What is it?" Shul repeated.

 

Ben groaned. "I think we need to find the apprentices."

 

~---~

"Rey! Don't get too far ahead!" Lalae called. 

 

"Wait up," Joerian said, pulling Rey back as they went towards the city center. Outside the Senate complex, the Jedi apprentices walked together through a wealthy residential district of apartment buildings, interspersed with green spaces. Tirian and Tarith followed just behind Lalae, observing everything with indifferent expressions. 

 

"Have you ever seen a city like this before?" Rey asked Joerian.

 

"Not one so clean and organized. Fest wasn't nearly as well protected as this world, and anyway, Chandrila definitely has more money."

 

"I love it," Rey said, bouncing a little as she walked. "There's so much to see here."

 

"Hmm, yes, almost too much," Joerian said, meeting the gaze of a Pantoran family staring at the five in Jedi robes. "I think we're one of the sights."

 

"There's a power to it," Tarith mused out loud. "Knowing you're being watched."

 

"Jedi don't seek power over others," Lalae retorted.

 

"But we have it anyway," Tirian said.

 

"Tirian – " Jo began, but Rey cut him off.

 

"Shut up, all of you. Master Luke gives us enough speeches already, I don't want another one now. Let’s just have fun, please?" 

 

“Do you even know where you’re going?” Lalae asked. 

 

“I did live here for six months,” Rey said, turning down another walkway. 

 

“I thought you had no memory of when Master Luke found you,” Tirian said. 

 

Rey glared at him. All the apprentices knew how she had been rescued from the clutches of the Dark Side on Jakku and then been taken to Chandrila. She was the catalyst for the founding of the Jedi Academy, after all, and Lor San Tekka visited Alaris Prime often enough that they had all heard the story several times. But that didn’t mean that she liked talking about it. 

 

“I remember just fine,” she snapped, anger spurting up. Rey felt others stiffen at her harsh words, so she sped up to get in front of them. She knew what Luke would say.  _There is no emotion, there is peace._ But she didn’t feel like it, not today.

 

When Jo suggested they go out, she had thought it would be fun. But between the stares and Tirian’s thoughtless words, her mood plummeted. Instead she felt odd and uncomfortable with the way strangers and her friends were watching her – the strangers because she looked like a Jedi, and her friends because they weren’t sure if she was. The wary scavenger in her squirmed under the attention, because she knew that drawing attention to herself meant bad things would follow. 

 

Soon they arrived at an open-air shopping district in a touristy part of the city, and Rey was able to distract herself with the rainbow of wares and vendors. Tirian, Tarith, and Lalae had stopped at a food stall that was producing tempting aromas and were perusing menu. Jo caught up with Rey and walked silently beside her again, testing her mood. 

 

"You know, as beautiful and nice as this world is, it just seems too nice," Rey said, deflecting whatever Jo was going to say, still feeling testy. "Something doesn't seem right."

 

Joerian frowned. "What do you mean?"

 

"I don't know, exactly. Can't you feel it?"

 

Rey felt him reach out with his mind, brushing against the surrounding life forces. Most of the people around them were content and quiet in their activities, but she also felt a current of unease and wariness.

 

"They don't trust peace," Jo said thoughtfully. "The older ones, the ones who remember."

 

But there was something else, something more specific. It burned in her awareness, dark and nearby. She scanned the area, but all she saw were people of all shapes and sizes entering and exiting the various storefronts and speeders slipping up and down the street. She opened her mouth to ask Jo if he had noticed, but then it was gone, and she blinked. 

 

Jo was still casting around for something to cheer her up. "Hey, check this out, Rey," he said, gesturing to a store selling what looked like junked parts, an incongruity in the series of pricey boutiques and exotic markets. 

 

"No way!" She gripped his arm, dragging him into the shop. "Maybe I can finally find the ignition coupling for my speeder project!"

 

Half an hour later, and Rey emerged triumphant, joining the three apprentices waiting patiently on the street, observing the passing crowd that gave them a wide berth.

 

"Did you find what you were looking for?" Lalae asked, her smile copying Rey's.

 

"Yes! I can finally finish restoring my speeder."

 

"Yes, well, we should probably return to our lodging. Master Luke will not be pleased to find us absent," Tarith said, standing taut beside his brother.

 

"Yeah you're right. It's getting a little late. We'll have to come back." Jo glanced at the sun that was sinking behind the skyline of Hanna City. "Besides I'm hungry."

 

"Here, you can finish my roast gornt. It's too spicy for me anyway," Lalae said as she started to walk back the way they'd come to where the Senate complex sprawled on the edge of the city.

 

Rey followed along, fiddling with her find. It was a bit grungy and had some corrosion on the casing, but it wasn't anything she couldn't fix.

 

"Why do you collect junk?"

 

Rey looked up at the question and found Tirian watching her as they walked. "It's not junk. It's useful. It's going to help me finish my speeder."

 

"But why? The Academy has new ones, ones that already work. Why try to build another out of old parts?" 

 

Rey glared at him, then looked away. Even though his questions were pointed, she could sense his genuine curiosity. "I like finding the good in things that other people threw away."

 

Tirian seemed to be thinking about her answer, so she started to say something cutting to stop him from asking more when she was interrupted.

 

"No!"

 

The shriek pierced through the gentle hubbub of the street, shrill and desperate. The apprentices turned as one, seeking the source of the noise. Rey saw him first. A little human boy, his upper arm held tight in the grip of a frustrated adult, straining to get away.

 

"No!"

 

Rey gasped. Suddenly she wasn't in Hanna City anymore. She was in a burning, dry desert, the heat rising up in waves from the sun baked sand. A young child, a girl with three buns in her hair, pulled against the meaty hand that trapped her in place.

 

"Nooo!" The girl screamed, tears running down her face as she gazed in desperation towards the pale sky. Rey turned to see where the girl was looking and saw the shuttle shrinking into the upper atmosphere. 

 

 _You can become more than this_.

 

"No!" the child shrieked again.

 

"Quiet, girl."

 

_You do not have to submit to any authority._

 

The girl jerked against the hand holding her, defiance and despair mingling.

 

_Become what you were meant to be._

 

The shuttle vanished, swallowed by a sun that turned dark. It was here. The malevolence she'd sensed earlier, surrounding her, feeding her soft words that promised power. 

 

_Choose to be more._

 

She met it, that part of her that always felt the Darkness, the part Ben told her not to acknowledge. She wanted to, but Ben told her not to, so she couldn't, she didn't need to be more, she had to let go - 

 

"No!" 

 

This time Rey said it, out loud, stubborn and desperate, and then the sand was gone and she was standing on duracrete in the middle of a crowded street on Chandrila.

 

_Rey?_

 

"Ben?" she whispered, before collapsing to the ground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, it's been a while, but I promise I'm not giving up on this thing, especially since the muse is talking to me right now. I hope to have an update within two weeks.
> 
> In the meantime, I'd love to chat with you guys about all things Reylo or Star Wars or whatever, so look me up on [tumblr](https://a-nerd-obsessed.tumblr.com)! My url is a-nerd-obsessed, because that's who I am :)
> 
> And please, leave a kudos or a comment if you like what you read, cuz I wanna know!


	6. Chapter the Sixth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [tumblr](https://a-nerd-obsessed.tumblr.com)

Ben paced back and forth in the common area of their suite, unable to keep still. It had been over three hours since he’d heard the voice in his head, the words that had simultaneously soothed and scraped his nerves. Shul watched from one of the low couches as Ben crossed and re-crossed the room. 

 

“Solo, they’ll return soon. Making a groove in the floor won’t make them come back any faster.”

 

Ben shot him a stormy look. Shul wasn’t usually so sharp with his words and he wondered if his anxiety was rubbing off on the Twi’lek. That was one of the unfortunate side effects of being Force-sensitive: sometimes you not only sensed another’s mood, sometimes it became your mood. Especially when you were naturally empathetic like Shul was. A small corner of Ben’s mind was amused by the thought. Really, though, Shul was lucky. Ben felt like doing a lot worse than walking back and forth. What he really wanted to do was smash one of those ugly decorative ornaments against the wall.

 

“They should have been here by now,” Ben said, frustrated.

 

Shul sighed. “They’re very close. They’ve just entered the Senate complex.”

 

Ben had noticed too.  _That’s it_. He was going to find them and drag them here himself.

 

“Wait.” Luke was in the doorway to his room off the common area where he had disappeared earlier. “They’ll be here to explain soon enough.”

 

~---~

 

He’d wanted to go find the apprentices immediately, sure that something had happened to them, to Rey. But Shul had held him back, had talked him down, saying it wouldn’t look good if one of the Jedi ran off after what had happened in the Senate session. 

 

“Ben, they’re fine. You must trust them to take care of themselves. We would know if they were in danger.” 

 

Luke exited from their balcony and joined them in the anteroom. “What happened?”

 

Ben opened his mouth and then shut it. He hadn’t told Luke about the voice before and he wasn’t about to start now. 

 

“He believes something happened to the apprentices.”

 

Luke frowned. “I didn’t sense anything. Are you sure it wasn’t something to do with the report – “

 

“I’m not a child making excuses,” Ben snarled. Shul looked shocked and Greer took a step back, frightened by his outburst. Luke merely looked tired, and Ben immediately felt guilty. 

 

“Sorry, Master. But I think we should find them.”

 

“We’ll go back to them soon, but before that we’ll be expected to greet some of the senators.”

 

Ben suppressed a groan for his uncle’s sake, knowing that he was just as thrilled with the idea of mingling with politicians. 

 

Several representatives made their way up to the Jedi delegation, eager to introduce themselves. Ben endured the delay with severe impatience. Shul disappeared somewhere between the fourth and fifth well-wisher, hailed by the delegation from his homeworld of Ryloth. By the tenth senator who shook his hand and told him how much they admired his mother, Ben was about ready to take his lightsaber to the nearest building support and end it all. It was only Tai-Lin Garr that kept him from exploding. 

 

“Master Skywalker, Solo. I’m sorry for the affront dealt you by Senator Apolin. He wouldn’t have spoken so brashly if Senator Organa was present.”

 

Luke smiled wryly. “Somehow I doubt his thoughts were entirely unsupported.”

 

The senator did not deny it. “Many are nervous with the program of demilitarization and decentralization instituted by the Chancellor before she retired. They see the Jedi as a potential recourse should the need arise for more forceful measures.”

 

“They don’t trust the peace,” Luke surmised. 

 

“Indeed,” Tai-Lin Garr agreed. “Many are not content with where the Galactic Concordance left things.”

 

Ben didn’t think they were entirely off-base, remembering the power-hungry voice in his head. 

 

“Come,” the senator said. “Let me escort you to your rooms.”

 

They collected Shul and made their way back to their suite, where the senator excused himself, promising to see them at the dinner that Leia was organizing for them during their stay. Greer left after him, reminding them to contact her should they need anything.

 

The Jedi had sensed that the apprentices were not waiting for them, but Luke still frowned when they entered the empty rooms. 

 

“I told you,” Ben said. 

 

“Yes, thank you, Ben. I still don’t think we need to launch a search party. They’re willful and impulsive, but that doesn’t mean they’re stupid.”

 

“By ‘them’ you mean Joerian,” Ben said.

 

“And Rey,” Shul added. Ben glared at him.  _Why is he suddenly so irritating_?

 

“I meant all of them. All of them are missing, aren’t they?” Luke said, sighing when he noticed his nephew’s tense stance. “Relax, Ben. You’re giving me a headache. They’ll be back soon enough.” And with that, he’d disappeared into his room. 

 

~---~

 

When the apprentices returned, they were greeted by three stern faces. 

 

“Welcome back,” Luke drawled.

 

“We’re sorry, Master,” Lalae said, instantly apologetic.

 

“What happened?” Ben demanded, focusing on the last two people to enter the room. Joerian walked in behind Lalae and the al Raels, supporting Rey with an arm around her shoulders. The others stepped back to let them through. Rey looked pale and shaky, but she quickly shifted her weight to support herself. 

 

“We went into the city – “ Joerian started. 

 

“No, what  _happened_?”

 

“Ben,” Luke warned.

 

"Can I sit down, please?” Rey said, her voice strained.

 

“Of course,” Shul said, ushering her to one of the couches. “Are you injured?”

 

“No, I’m fine.”

 

“Alright, well, I’d like an explanation of what happened. Who’s volunteering?” Luke looked at each of the apprentices in turn. “Joerian. Please. Since I have a very specific feeling that you were the instigator of this adventure.”

 

“Like I was saying before I was interrupted -” Joerian glanced at Ben, who stiffened “- we went into the city. We wanted to make the most of our time, like you said, Master. We went to the shopping district and got something to eat, and Rey found some parts in this little shop. It was all fine until Rey decided to collapse on the street.” He nodded at Rey, who responded with a weak smile. 

 

“You think this is funny?” Ben took a step towards the dark-haired apprentice. “You can’t just wander off in a strange city, especially not with the younger apprentices.” 

 

“No one was hurt!”

 

Ben scowled and opened his mouth, ready to retort, before Luke interrupted. “Silence!”

 

Immediately everyone was quiet. Most of the apprentices had never seen Luke so angry. His eyes glittered and the room thrummed with tension. The al Raels and Lalae were wide-eyed, frozen in place.

 

“Everyone, please return to your room,” Luke said in a low voice. “Rey, wait a moment. I’d like to talk to you.”

 

The apprentices and knights bowed their heads before retreating to their rooms. Ben glanced at Rey as he left and she frowned at him, confusion and guilt in one expression. He gave a questioning frown of his own as he left her sight. 

 

~---~

 

Rey was very nervous as Luke took a seat opposite her, but she was grateful that the others had left. The tension had made her feel sick to her stomach ever since they reached the diplomatic housing. It had been hard to miss Luke’s disappointment and Ben’s anger, even from that distance. At her? She wasn’t sure. She didn’t know what had happened in the shopping district, or if that had really been Ben she heard after she threw out the other voice. She shivered a little bit at the remembrance.

 

“Rey, can you explain what happened to get everyone so worked up?”

 

“Nothing really,” she said evasively.

 

“Rey.”

 

She shrugged. “I remembered something that I forgot, I think. And then I blacked out for a little bit, and then we came back.”

 

“People remember things all the time, Rey. This was something more, wasn’t it?” Luke sighed. “Maybe I shouldn’t have brought you back here.”

 

“It wasn’t that,” Rey said defensively, knowing he was thinking of the last time they were on Chandrila, of her fits and rages, the Dark Side still embedded deep in her mind. No, this was something else. It was herself, her own memory that resurfaced. 

 

~---~ 

 

When she had opened her eyes, she’d found herself being carried in Joerian’s arms. 

 

“Put me down!”

 

Joerian looked down, startled, then set her down on a bench in one of the city’s green spaces. The others clustered around. 

 

“Are you alright?”

 

“What happened?”

 

“I’m fine, just –“

 

“She had a Force vision,” Tarith stated. The others fell silent, staring at him. He shrugged.

 

“Rey?” Joerian said

 

“I don’t know,” she hedged. “What happened? How long was I out?”

 

“Not long,” Lalae reassured her. 

 

“Well, we were all distracted by that kid screaming, and then next thing you were falling over. Tirian caught you before you hit the ground, but we couldn’t find anything wrong with you. We were headed back to Master Luke when you woke up.”

 

Rey flushed, imagining the scene where she suddenly swooned and –  _ugh_  – Tirian catching her, then Jo carrying her like a helpless damsel. And had Tirian seen or heard anything from her vision? The others had been too far ahead, at least she hoped so.  _Don’t think about it._

 

Instead she diverted the focus. “Is the boy alright?”

 

“The boy? Oh, the screaming kid? He’s fine. He was just having a fabulous temper tantrum.”

 

“Oh.” Rey nodded and got to her feet. “Can we go? I think I want to get back.”

 

“You think you can walk?” Jo asked. 

 

“I’m fine. And by the way, you’re never going to carry me like that again.”

 

“Alright, fine,” he said, holding up his hands. But when she took a wobbly step, he quickly moved to support her. Rey let him, reluctantly, feeling his guilt and concern. The others moved to part the crowds in front of them.  

 

Her anxiety grew as they got closer to the Senate complex. She had hoped they’d still get back before Luke, Ben, and Shul returned, but it seemed that they’d have no such luck. Rey sensed disappointment and displeasure from their master, who no doubt had discovered their absence. Ben was a little more obvious, his anger overpowering the others. Dread filled her gut. 

 

~---~

 

Now back in the common room, Rey felt acutely embarrassed for all the trouble she’d caused. Luke regarded her with a thoughtful frown. 

 

 “I’m sorry,” she offered. 

 

He sighed. “I know you are, Rey. I just wish you wouldn’t keep things from me.”

 

“I’m not,” she insisted. 

 

He watched her a moment more before relenting. “Alright, then. You can go.”

 

“Thank you, Master.” She bowed and left the room, taking a shuddering breath once she was out of sight. Hopefully the rest of their trip would be a little more fun. 

 

~---~

 

Rey was sweating, panting through her grin as she held the low-power training saber a hairsbreadth away from Tarith’s neck. 

 

“Say it,” she said. 

 

“ _Solah_.” The redhead Hapan lowered his weapon and took a step back, a small smile on his face. “You possess great skill, Rey.”

 

Rey smiled, knowing that Tarith, while serious and quiet like Shul, gave compliments much less frequently. It was a double victory, given that as nobility on their homeworld, the al Rael brothers had been taught fencing almost as long as Rey had been alive. However, Tarith was only four years older than her, she was more accustomed to a lightsaber, and she had more years of practice harnessing the Force. That made her more than a match for the brothers. Still, she was pleased to best one of the Hapans in a duel. 

 

Now if they would only train with quarterstaffs, Rey felt confident she could beat everyone in the room.

 

“Loosen up!” Jo said as he locked blades with Tirian on the other side of the hangar. Tirian growled, his dark brown hair almost black from the sweat that dripped down his forehead, before throwing off the block, feinting to the side and swiping up, forcing Joerian back on the defensive. 

 

Not far from them, Lalae sparred with Shul, who guided her slowly through the basic forms. The Togruta had only started learning the movements a few months ago soon after her arrival at the Academy, but already Rey could see improvement. 

 

Luke was in another meeting elsewhere, but Ben watched the various matches play out as he drank from the water they had brought with them. They had found a mostly disused hangar to practice, just a squadron of New Republic X-wings against the back of the space, the other side open to the hot air of the Chandrilan afternoon. And it was  _hot_. 

 

Rey jogged over to where Ben was, Tarith directly behind her. 

 

“Don’t drink it all!” she exclaimed, snatching the bottle from Ben. 

 

“Would it hurt you to ask?” Ben said.

 

“I don’t have to ask you. We’re too good of friends to be asking permission all the time.” 

 

Rey had apologized profusely when they had a moment alone that morning. They’d both been the first ones awake, unable to get any real sleep. She’d still felt guilty for what had happened yesterday, feeling that she had been weak, reaching out to Ben again, allowing the Darkness to touch him through her. Ben had shut her down, refusing to allow her self-recriminations, telling her that she wasn’t alone in this. 

 

Ben passed Tarith another water bottle. “You both did really well.”

 

“Thank you,” Tarith said, his bronze-colored eyes lighting up at the praise. “Rey is an exceptional sparring partner.”

 

“You’re good, too,” Rey said. She took another gulp of water. “Can I take a break?”

 

Ben, the authority in Luke’s absence, nodded, then gestured to Tarith. “Want to go again?”

 

“Yes.” Tarith immediately put down the bottle and jogged back towards the center of the hangar.

 

“Rey.” Ben held out a hand and Rey tossed the hilt of the training saber to him. He ignited it, spinning his wrist before settling into a low crouch. The boys sized each other up before Ben struck at Tarith, his movement confident and powerful. Tarith’s eyes widened before a grin broke over his face. Shaking off the fatigue from his duel with Rey, he met Ben’s brutal attack with a grace that Rey couldn’t help but admire. 

 

While he hadn’t been holding back earlier, Rey could see that the challenge Ben set Tarith pushed him to do more. They clashed again, the training sabers snapping and sparking as the combatants strove against each other. Both of them had an intensity that they applied to everything they did, and it made for quite the show when they fought. 

 

Still, Rey could only watch them sweat and shove at each other for so long before she got bored and her mind drifted to the starships in the back of the hangar. She got up and wandered over to the T-85 X-wings. She could tell by the insignia on the wings that this was Rapier Squadron, one of the few active units left in the New Republic’s Defense Fleet after demilitarization. 

 

Rey was enraptured, reaching up to brush her fingertips on the underbelly of the starfighter. On Jakku, she’d dreamed of becoming a pilot, escaping the burning desert, and searching out her family. The Republic pilot’s helmet she’d found in one of the wrecks had been one of her most cherished possessions aside from her staff. Sure, she had piloted a few speeders, run through countless simulations, and even sat in the copilot’s seat of the  _Millenium Falcon_ a few times. But she knew deep down that was nothing like holding the controls of a real X-wing as it sliced through the atmosphere and into the black. 

 

“Hey, kid!”

 

Rey whirled around, startled. 

 

“What are you doing here?”

 

A man stood near the hangar entrance, wearing the uniform of a New Republic pilot, a small astromech at his side. 

 

“I – I’m sorry –“ Rey stuttered. 

 

“Hmm, I don’t think you’re supposed to be in here.” The man took a few steps closer as the orange and white droid rolled up to her and chirped a question. 

 

“I wasn’t breaking anything,” she answered the droid indignantly. 

 

“What were you doing?” the man said, before looking beyond her into the open space. When he saw the Jedi dueling across the floor, he gaped. He looked back at her, taking in her robes and the three buns on her head, then recognition flashed in his dark eyes and he gave her a brilliant smile. 

 

“I’m Poe.”

 

“I’m Rey.”

 

“I know.” Poe noticed the confusion in her face because he hastened to add, “I wanted to be a Jedi when I was a kid. That was before I realized you had to be Force-sensitive to be a Jedi.” He shrugged. “I heard about when they opened the Jedi Academy, and you were the first of the new Jedi. Everyone was talking about you. It’s an honor to meet you.”

 

Rey felt a bit weird realizing that complete strangers might know who she was, but something about Poe’s eagerness put her at ease, so she grinned back at him.

 

“Thanks. Who’s your droid?”

 

“This is Beebee-Ate.” 

 

Rey crouched down to look BB-8 in his ocular sensor. “Hello.” 

 

BB-8 warbled a greeting, rolling back and forth as he took in the Jedi apprentice. 

 

“Your antennae's bent.” Rey frowned and popped off the offending part, working it straight with her fingers. The droid whipped around to look at Poe, beeping an accusation. 

 

“Sorry, buddy, I was kind of distracted. Hey, you didn’t happen to see a jacket lying around here, did you?”

 

“No, sorry.”

 

“I could’ve sworn I left it somewhere around here.”

 

“Here,” Rey said to the astromech. BB-8 tilted his domed head towards Rey and she secured the antennae in place. “There you go.” 

 

“The Jedi can speak binary and is good with droids. What can’t you do?”

 

Rey stood and dusted off her hands. “I can’t sing,” she admitted. 

 

Poe laughed. “Well, I’m going to have a look around for my jacket anyway.”

 

Rey volunteered to help him search. BB-8 tagged along at her heels, but they didn’t turn up anything. 

 

“Well, that was disappointing. I could’ve sworn I left it here,” Poe said, scratching his head. “Thanks anyway.”

 

“Sure,” Rey said. 

 

“So, you want to get in one?”

 

“What?”

 

“You want to sit in an X-wing? I saw you looking at them.”

 

“Really?” Rey breathed.

 

“Sure. Come on.” 

 

Rey didn’t ask again as she clambered up the ladder and hopped into the open cockpit of the fighter he indicated. Without thinking, she reached forward to grab the stick, the controls feeling natural in her hand. Poe stuck his head into the small space.

 

“What do you think?” 

 

“It’s amazing!”

 

“I know. Nothing like it, right? Helped me get over my disappointment that I couldn’t be a Jedi.”

 

“I wanted to be a pilot,” Rey admitted.

 

“Jedi make good pilots,” Poe said. Rey smiled at him.

 

“Rey!” 

 

Ben was standing at the nose of the X-wing, Tarith next to him. Across the hangar, the others had stopped drilling and were sprawled on the floor, rehydrating. 

 

“What?” Rey snapped as Poe jumped down, Rey following.

 

“You can’t wander off again.” 

 

“I wasn’t wandering off. I’m right here, and you knew it.”

 

Ben scowled, unsatisfied. Poe, however, seemed oblivious to the tension.

 

“Sorry for stealing Rey. I’m Poe Dameron.” He offered a hand.

 

“Ben Solo.”

 

Rey could almost physically see Poe resist saying, “ _I know,”_ the thrilled grin on his face giving away his excitement as he shook Ben’s hand.

 

“And?” Poe said, turning to the apprentice beside Ben.

 

“Tarith al Rael. The pleasure is mine.”

 

“This is great,” Poe said, beaming at the three Jedi. Rey got the feeling that he never did anything less than completely, especially emotions. BB-8 nudged Poe’s leg and he looked down. The droid chirped indignantly, swiveling to look up at Poe. “Oh, yeah, and this is Beebee.”

 

Satisfied, BB-8 rolled over to Ben, tilting back to size him up. Ben stared at the droid, who turned back to Rey and beeped something to her. 

 

“No, he’s not,” she said.

 

“What did it say?” Ben said. 

 

“Nothing,” Poe said, cutting off Rey’s response. “Hey, so before you came over I was going to offer to take Rey up for a bit. With your permission, of course.”

 

“Ben, please!” She widened her hazel eyes, knowing he couldn’t resist. She could tell Tarith was smirking, on to her game.

 

“There’s an old modified T-65 that seats two back here. We’ll stay low,” Poe added.

 

“Can you fly?” Ben asked, his tone translating the meaning to  _“Can I trust you?_ _”_

 

Poe grinned. “I’d say so, yeah.”

 

“Please,” Rey pleaded. Ben regarded the other man.

 

“Alright.” 

 

“Yes!” Rey threw her arms around him before dashing back to Poe. “Let’s go!”

 

~---~

 

Up in the X-wing, Rey couldn’t stop smiling. 

 

“How’s your stomach?” Poe asked over the comm in their helmets.

 

“Iron,” she answered instantly.

 

“Good,” he said as he pushed the stick forward, accelerating the fighter into a steep climb through vaporous clouds. BB-8 squealed as Poe took them through a series of loops and spins, showing off a stunning dexterity even in the outdated fighter. Rey laughed as her joy bubbled up uncontrollably, sensing Poe’s excitement matching her own. 

 

Despite the adrenaline in her system, Rey felt peaceful as they swooped through the sky, more than when she’d woken up that morning, more than even before she had the vision the previous day. She felt the Light surging through her, she felt more. 

 

When they returned to the ground, Rey pulled off her borrowed helmet and leapt out of the X-wing, bounding up to Ben. She didn’t have to speak; he knew what she was feeling.

 

 She had already inadvertently dragged him into her darkness yesterday. Now she wanted to share her Light, so she smiled. He smiled back, and she knew they were alright.

 

“So,” Poe said, looking to the other Jedi gathered around Rey. “Who’s next?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again :)
> 
> First of all, a disclaimer: I haven't read the Poe Dameron comics, so I'm going to plead ignorance as I pick and choose from canon what things work for this story. POE! Did I mention I love Poe Dameron? Wow...
> 
> Secondly: Talk to me! Kudos make me smile, but I really would love to hear what I'm doing right (or wrong) and your thoughts on where the story is going, so leave a comment! Or hit me up on Tumblr @ a-nerd-obsessed
> 
> Lastly: I'm going to be travelling for 5 weeks, so while I'll be online, I won't be able to post a new chapter till I get back. Which I swear I will do. BTW, kudos and comments will definitely help me keep my promise :D


	7. Chapter the Seventh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for waiting so patiently! Enjoy!

_Two years later_ _…_

 

Rey sat next to Greer Sonnel in the cockpit of the  _Mirrorbright_ , Senator Organa’s diplomatic yacht. Starlines flickered beyond the viewport as the sped through the hyperspace lane taking them to Corellia. 

 

“I think I’m all set here, Rey,” Greer said. “You can join the others. Let the senator know we should arrive in about half a standard hour.”

 

“Alright,” Rey said, getting up from her seat. She walked into the lounge and relayed Greer’s message to Leia Organa, who sat at a table along with Ryl Trinja and Tirian al Rael. 

 

“Thank you, Rey,” Leia said. “Have a seat. I was waiting for you so that I could brief everyone.”

 

Rey quickly took a seat against the bulkhead. 

 

“I don’t know what my brother told you of our mission, but it’s primarily humanitarian. Corellia has always been a big producer of starcraft, especially under the Empire.” Leia pulled up some tables and figures on the holoprojecter that made Rey’s eyes cross. Tirian, on the other hand, appeared to be studying them intently. 

 

“However,” Leia continued, “Imperial regulations kept their economy tightly controlled, and the shift to a free market has been a bit bumpy. A few people profited very nicely but most struggled, widening the disparity between the upper and lower classes. Which was made worse by a fire at one of the biggest plants in Coronet City **.** Our job here is to disperse the aid allotted by the Senate to those who were affected by the fire.”

 

“Why the Jedi?” Tirian asked, his Hapan accent always making him sound annoyingly imperious to Rey. “What purpose does our presence here serve? Relief efforts could be undertaken by government aid workers.”

 

Ryl responded before Leia could. “Master Luke wants us to be spreading a positive influence. If we must engage in public affairs, we must find a balance between this work and the peacekeeping that the others are doing.”

 

Rey immediately thought of the other mission, comprised of Ben, Shul, and a newly knighted Joerian. They had been sent to Orinda with Senator Fatil to help quell the disquiet there caused by Imperial sympathizers **.** The rest were staying on Alaris Prime for the time being: Tarith and Lalae were close to finishing their studies towards knighthood, while Zarr Ricin, the new Falleen apprentice, was too inexperienced for fieldwork. 

 

Ben had been less than thrilled about his mission, per usual, grumbling about the Senate’s meddling in the activities of the new Jedi Order. Before he left, he’d handed Rey a few credits, saying, _“I_ _know Jedi aren’t supposed to_ _value_ _personal possessions, but_ _the Jedi aren’t supposed to do a lot of things. Buy_ _yourself something_ _. Someone ought to have fun with this.”_  They were standing in a hangar on Hosnia Prime as she frowned at the bitterness in his tone, but he was already turning away. She was tempted to pull him back, to ask him what was wrong, although she thought she already knew. But she wanted him to tell her.  _Trust me with this._

 

But with a brief nod to his mother, he’d boarded the  _Hope Awake_  with the other two knights, leaving Rey standing on the tarmac next to Leia’s ship. 

 

Leia was talking again and Rey focused on the senator’s words. “Senator Doman Beruss will be waiting for us and I assume she’ll have a more specific agenda for us when we arrive.”

 

“I thought we would just be helping pass out relief supplies,” Rey said. 

 

Leia chuckled. “Unfortunately, as much as I try to avoid big productions, everyone else has their own ideas. We’ll have wade through some sort of show before we get to the real work.”

 

“Oh.” Rey felt disappointed. She hadn’t been thrilled that her first real mission would mostly be handing out blankets and protein gels while Ben actually got to use his Jedi skills, and it just kept getting better. 

 

She also admitted to herself that she was a little nervous at Leia’s mention of publicity. Ever since a few years back when her friend Poe Dameron had made her aware that she was mildly famous, she was wary of the potential for more attention. But when she had confessed this to Ben, he’d told her never to listen to anything the media said. Rey figured he knew what he was talking about, growing up in the spotlight as a sort of galactic celebrity kid. So far, though, nothing had come of her supposed fame. From what she remembered of the ace pilot, he’d probably exaggerated. 

 

Rey was drawn out of her thoughts by the appearance of the Corellian planet through the viewport over their heads. 

 

“We’re here.” Rey pointed upwards and everyone looked. Together they watched as the  _Mirrorbright_  approached the surface and the general gray of the planet resolved into continents. Soon they could make out land formations and cities. They were headed towards the largest of the cities, Coronet City. 

 

Soon they were touching down on a landing pad on the outskirts of Coronet City with barely a tremor, causing Rey to marvel at Greer’s skill. The young pilot didn’t leave the cockpit right away, completing the post-flight checks before appearing in the lounge. 

 

“We are ready to disembark, Senator,” Greer said. The door hissed open and they descended onto the duracrete where Senator Beruss, a tall blond woman with steely gray eyes, waited for them. 

 

“Senator Organa, Ryl Trinja, Greer Sonnel, Tirian al Rael, Rey.” She met each of their eyes as she greeted them. “Welcome to Corellia. I trust your journey was uneventful?”

 

“Yes, thank you, Senator Beruss, I’m glad we could come,” Leia replied. 

 

“Well, you’re very welcome, but I know you’d like to get on with things, as do I.” Beruss smiled.  “Let me escort you to your lodging.”

 

Rey, Tirian, and Greer grabbed the luggage, and their group was promptly ushered into waiting transports. As the urban sprawl flashed by outside the window, Rey couldn’t help but compare it to Hanna City. Where the Chandrilan capitol was full of of vibrancy and growth, while Coronet City was a strange mixture of gleam and grunge. Still, she suspected they were being routed through the nicer portions of the crowded metropolis, and she wondered what was hidden in the back alleys and lower levels. 

 

As it had become second nature to her, Rey closed her eyes and reached out with her feelings. Despite her years on Alaris Prime living in security, she could sense the dark rot of society that she still remembered vividly from Jakku. Abruptly, she pulled back, sensing the voice waiting to whisper into her mind. In the past few years, she’d gotten much better at keeping out the intruder. It hadn’t spoke to her or Ben for a long time, but she didn’t want to give it a foothold. 

 

“Rey.” Ryl, who was sitting next to her in the transport, seemed to have picked up on the mood of her thoughts. “You’ve seen much and experienced much. Now you are given the chance to help others overcome as you have.”

 

Next to the knight, Tirian watched Rey keenly, a strange look in his copper eyes, but his gaze darted away when she caught him looking. Rey slouched in her seat and pondered Ryl’s words. The dark skinned Jedi Knight had in many ways the same story as Master Luke – young, quiet, unknown by the galaxy, isolated for much of her life — yet the results had been very different. Ryl possessed great insight and had an uncanny ability to seemingly read thoughts. Rey knew from experience that what she said was something to be carefully considered. 

 

The transport glided to a stop at the foot of a gleaming metal tower and their group rejoined the Corellian senator. 

 

“Please, go refresh yourselves before we begin.” Beruss ushered them forward. “We can meet in an hour to go over our schedule.”

~---~

Later that day, Rey walked along behind the rest. They had opted to walk to their destination, the Corellian Engineering Corporation plant that had been decimated by fire, as it wasn’t far from where they were staying. She again noticed the differences from what she had seen before. Where Hanna City’s avenues were wide and full of light, Coronet City’s streets felt like a durasteel canyon. 

 

Tirian walked beside her as they passed through Diadem Square, a little stiffer than normal as he tried to refrain from glaring at the rest of their party. Rey waited, knowing he’d eventually voice his indignation. And sure enough – 

 

“Why did they assign us protection? We are Jedi. We  _are_ the senator's guard.”

 

Rey knew Tirian hated being underestimated, especially when he had just finished his own lightsaber – a gorgeous violet blade with a thin-ribbed handle, intricately designed. She knew he had been frustrated that they had been had stuck on a humanitarian mission, and now they were being guarded like defenseless diplomats. 

 

Rey was slightly offended too, but she felt the need to mediate. “Maybe they’re aware of something we’re not. Jedi are rare so maybe we’re some sort of target.”

 

“Maybe they don’t know who we are, what we’re capable of,” Tirian said, his voice hard. “And don’t condescend to me, Rey. I know you feel as I do. That they need to be reminded of our place and our power.”

 

“That’s not the Jedi way,” Rey hissed at him. 

 

“Isn’t it though? Who were the Jedi before the Old Republic fell? They were respected, honored. They had authority.”

 

“That’s why they fell, you idiot.” Rey felt an urge to laugh, hearing Ben’s rants against the old Order and the Old Republic coming from her own mouth, but she stifled it.   

 

Tirian’s eyes flashed. “That’s what they say, but they were merely jealous of our power.”

 

Rey scoffed. “You hardly are one of the old Jedi. You’re not even a knight yet.”

 

Tirian ignored that. “We have an opportunity with these missions to show the galaxy who we are, to remind them, but not if we have babysitters!”

 

“Tirian! Rey!” Ryl had turned back to glare at them. “Peace, not emotion.”

 

“Yes, Master.”

 

Tirian started to step away, but not before Rey whispered, “If you want power, maybe you joined the wrong Order.”

 

His dark brown hair fell forward, obscuring his face as he turned away. Rey felt a flicker of guilty satisfaction in having the last word. 

 

They had reached a crowded area, full of pedestrians in business clothes and laborers’ uniforms shoving to the nearest crosswalk or mag-lev subway station. The Corellian security detail, wearing light body armor with shiny chest plates, circled closer, creating a wedge to push through the flow of people on the walkway. 

 

Despite the bubble made by the guards, Rey was jostled by the crowd. She was tempted to use the Force to subtly influence those around her to give her more space, but she knew that was a misuse of her ability. Still, she kept her senses heightened to navigate, trying to avoid the bumps and tugs of the passing masses, but – 

 

“Hey!” Rey felt in her pocket, but the credits that Ben had given her were gone. She looked around quickly and caught a flash of blonde hair disappearing between limbs and appendages in the crowd. Without a thought, she dived into the throng. Rey thought she heard someone call after her, but she was already gone. 

 

Rey was furious with herself. She used to be as street smart as they come, as well as being a trained Force sensitive. She should’ve sensed the intentions of the pickpocket but she hadn’t. 

 

 _Doesn’t matter._ She had to get those credits back. 

 

It didn’t take long to get away from the main thoroughfares and into twisting, gloomy alleyways of the lower district. She lost sight of the girl again – it was a girl, she’d recognized that much – and Rey turned in a circle, trying to get her bearings while reaching out with the Force to pin down the blonde girl’s elusive signature. She huffed in frustration. 

 

A hand latched onto her wrist and she automatically pivoted, throwing her assailant to the ground. 

 

“Force, Rey!” Tirian yelled at her from a particularly rancid smelling puddle. “What was that for?”

 

Rey shrugged. “Don’t grab my hand.”

 

“How then am I supposed to gain your attention?”

 

“‘Hello’ works pretty good. Why are you here anyway?”

 

“I could ask the same of you,” Tirian said as he got to his feet, grimacing at the slimy stain on his robes. 

 

“Answer the question.”

 

“Solo doesn’t like you running off, and he’d kill me if you were injured again.”

 

“That was two years ago, and nothing happened. I’m fourteen now; I can handle myself. Not that I ever couldn’t,” she added. 

 

Tirian made a quiet noncommittal noise. Suddenly Rey had a horrible thought. 

 

“Did he put you up to this? Babysitting me?”

 

Tirian looked offended. “No. Contrary to what you may believe about me, and in spite of the fact that you recently questioned my intelligence and my commitment, I actually care for your welfare.”

 

“Oh.” She felt him out, suspicious, but sensed sincerity. 

 

“So?” he said. 

 

“What?”

 

Tirian rolled his eyes. “Why did you run?”

 

“Someone stole my credits.”

 

“And?”

 

“She’s gone,” Rey admitted. 

 

“I’m sorry,” Tirian said, not sounding very sorry, “but we should return to the others now. Master Trinja and Senator Organa will be distressed over our disappearance.”

 

Rey opened and shut her mouth a few time while Tirian watched in mild amusement, trying to come up with some reason or plan to keep looking for the girl, but nothing logical occurred to her. Finally she nodded and started trudging down a corridor between two towering structures. 

 

“Where are you going?”

 

“Back to the others, obviously.”

 

“That would be the wrong direction.”

 

“Um, no. Diadem Square is this way.”

 

They were still bickering as they made their way through the maze of streets when they heard a commotion around the corner in front of them. 

 

“Where d’you think yer goin’, girl?”

 

There was a hard laugh. “Wherever I damn well please.”

 

“Not if we ‘ave anythin’ to say about it.”

 

The two Jedi apprentices crept up to the corner and peered around. Rey already sensed four men and – 

 

“That’s her!” Rey hissed to Tirian. 

 

“Who?”

 

“The girl who stole my credits!”

 

Rey knew it was her even though she’d only glimpsed her earlier. She was thin, a little shorter than Rey with icy blonde hair, and was currently backed into a corner by four brutish, grungy figures. Rey bristled at the malice she felt from the thugs, but the girl was an enigma, slippery and foggy all at once. 

 

Rey realized then why she hadn’t sensed her before: the girl was dampening the perception of those around her using the Force. Rey grinned. Those jerks didn’t stand a chance. 

 

“Just give us yer earnin’s for the day and we’ll let ya get back to yer business.”

 

“Thanks but no thanks.”

 

The girl started to walk away, but the closest thug grabbed her shoulder and shoved her against the wall of the alley. 

 

“Nuh uh, not till ya empty yer pockets.”

 

The girl looked down at his hand and raised an eyebrow. 

 

“You really want to do this?”

 

“Give us the kriffin’ credits now!”

 

The girl shrugged, then grabbed his arm and twisted it back with an unnatural strength until it suddenly snapped. He screamed and fell back. The girl thrust out her arms and her attackers flew back against the opposite wall, pinned fast. They cried out as she stepped forward, her hands outstretched. Rey realized she wasn’t choking them – nothing as refined or precise as that – but she was crushing them with brute strength. Rey was momentarily stunned as the girl screamed with the effort. 

 

“No!” Rey ran forward and pushed the girl so her concentration faltered. The thugs fell limply to the ground and moaned. 

 

“What the hell?” the girl shouted, staggering to her feet. She made to move towards her, but Rey reached out and froze her in place. 

 

“You don’t want to do that,” Rey said firmly. 

 

“Rey!” Tirian appeared at her side, lightsaber ablaze. One of the thugs made a half-hearted attempt to rise, but Rey gestured and all four slumped, unconscious. Tirian swore under his breath and the girl’s eyes widened at the display of power. Some part of Rey was impressed too, but she focused herself. 

 

“I’m going to let you go now, alright?” 

 

Rey released her and the girl wobbled before catching her balance. Rey felt a little wobbly herself after that exertion. 

 

 “I ought to kill you,” the girl spat. 

 

“No chance, darksider,” Tirian said, grabbing Rey’s hand and yanking her behind him. 

 

“Stop taking my hand!” Rey said, stepping around Tirian despite his protestations. “And she’s not a darksider, Tirian.”

 

“I know what she did just now, and you felt it too. She’s reeking with Dark Side energy.”

 

“Shut up!” Rey snapped, inadvertently shoving him back a bit. His eyes were furious, his jaw locked tight, but he was smart enough not to do anything more. Rey turned back to the girl, who had been watching the exchange curiously. 

 

“Who are you?”

 

“That depends,” she answered. “Why are you asking?”

 

Rey thought for a moment. “I want to know if you’re like me.”

 

The girl sized them up, her eyes flicking between Tirian and Rey, the light and shadows between them twisted from the glow cast by the purple blade in Tirian’s hand and the distant street lamps. 

 

“Silyana.”

 

“How’d you learn to do this?” Rey gestured to the slumped figures behind them. 

 

Silyana grinned. “I don’t know. It just happens when I need to teach someone a lesson.” She jerked her chin towards Rey. “How’d you learn? Are you a Jedi?”

 

“In a way. This is Tirian, and I’m Rey.”

 

“Are you going to arrest me or something?”

 

“No.” Rey glanced at Tirian, then extended a hand. “I want you to join us. “

 

“Rey,” Tirian said, “I wouldn’t –“

 

“Come with us,” Rey repeated. 

 

Silyana looked past Rey to the men who were still lying on the ground. She didn’t wait for another invitation. 

 

“Sure, I’m in.”

 

~---~

“Rey,” Ryl said, gripping her forehead with a tense expression. Although her voice was calm, Rey had never seen the Jedi Master so upset. Tirian and Silyana were waiting in an adjacent room with Greer as a neutralizer, where they’d been since they’d gotten back to the suite late at night. Rey imagined that Tirian was still glaring at the newcomer in silence, his arms crossed. 

 

Leia was sitting across from Rey, and while she was frowning, she seemed less distressed than the other adult in the room. 

 

“Rey, you have no authority to do what you did today. You have been undisciplined and disrespectful to an extreme.”

 

Rey fought back a retort, knowing it wouldn’t help her get what she wanted no matter how much she wanted to defend herself. She looked to Leia, whose face was the practiced neutral that she often saw Ben use. 

 

“Master Skywalker is the only one who decides who comes into our Academy. We must be extremely cautious with the character of those we allow in. Otherwise we could create something we do not intend.”

 

Rey was still watching Leia’s face and saw her frown deepen slightly.  _What is she worried about? Ben?_  Rey wanted to tell her she didn’t need to worry. Rey was one of the few that knew of Ben’s troubles as a child, and as far as she knew, the only other one to hear the voice. But she knew Ben, and no one strove as hard or clung as tight to the light as Ben did. Anyway, he didn’t confide in anybody except Rey now. Leia couldn’t know enough to be worried.  _If anyone, she should be worried about me._

 

Maybe she was worried about her potential for darkness. Maybe they all were. Ben was, but he couldn’t help it. But the others had no right, no grounds to assume anything. That thought made her break her silence. 

 

“So what would you want me to do? Just leave her? You do know we’re not the only ones out there. If we don’t help Silyana, someone else will.”

 

 “What are you saying, Rey?” Ryl regarded Rey with a closed look, and Leia leaned forward slightly. Rey suddenly felt nervous. 

 

“Just… I mean there’s a whole galaxy out there. Surely we can’t be the only ones who are teaching the ways of the Force.”

 

Ryl sat down in another seat, nodding. “Yes, to pretend otherwise would be foolish.”

 

“And if we ignore her, she may end up somewhere we don’t like,” Rey argued. “She may even start something of her own.”

 

“Threats are not necessary, Rey,” Ryl admonished, but Rey could tell that she was considering. “What opinion do you have, Leia?”

 

Leia didn’t answer right away. “I have no formal training in the Force, but I can sense the darkness around this girl. Still, she’s young, and I know that darkness does not determine our lives.” She locked eyes with Rey, who smiled gratefully. “I don’t know what my brother would say, but for now I think we can let Silyana stay.”

 

Ryl sighed, rubbing her palms down her thighs. “Alright. But Rey, you will remain here for the duration of our visit. I can’t allow you to participate in the activities as you’ve proven yourself untrustworthy, and Silyana needs someone to stay with her anyway.”

 

Rey let out a breath through her nose. “Yes, Master.”

 

“I’m going to talk to Tirian and Silyana, and then we can plan how best to assist the senator.” She turned to Leia again. “Senator Organa, I apologize for all this.”

 

Leia waved a hand. “Don’t worry about it. I’m always down for a little excitement, especially since this trip started out looking very dull.” Ryl’s mouth tightened and Leia hastened to add, “But important. Aid missions are always important.” 

 

Ryl didn’t look completely satisfied, but Leia shooed her out. “Go on and talk to the others. I’d like a minute with Rey.”

 

Ryl left, leaving Rey and Leia together. Rey regretted upsetting Ryl, knowing it took a lot to unbalance the unbelievably even-tempered Jedi Master. Still, she had no regret for her actions, even though she recognized her impulsive behavior earlier. She hoped Leia wasn’t about to change her mind with whatever reprimand she had coming. 

 

“I’m not going to give you a speech because I do plenty of that as it is,” Leia said. “Ryl has done a good enough job of that anyway, and I can tell that right now nothing’s going to make you repent about what you did.”

 

“Oh,” Rey said. 

 

“I was actually hoping to ask how you’re doing.”

 

“Me?”

 

Leia nodded, waiting. 

 

“I’m alright, I guess,” Rey said, unsure of what the senator was trying to get at. 

 

“That’s a very simple answer for a complicated question. I guess I should be more specific,” Leia said. “Has Silyana affected you at all? I’d imagine it’s somewhat of a reminder of yourself.”

 

Rey wanted to be angry but she knew Leia was being sincere and kind in her inquisitiveness. “I – I think – yes. I mean, she has the Force, she was alone, she had to survive.” Rey darted a glance at Leia and found her still watching carefully. “I mean, what if – I could’ve been her.”

 

There was a silence while Rey stared at her feet, scuffing the sole of her boot on the floor. 

 

“I don’t think so.”

 

Rey looked up. 

 

“You have such great power, Rey, and you chose the Light. You refused the darkness that was in you when I first met you.”

 

“But what if Luke had never found me? What if I didn’t choose the Light, but it chose me?”

 

Leia smiled. “Do you know why I never trained with my brother?”

 

Rey frowned. “No. Why?”

 

“I was afraid. I’d seen the darkness, what it could do, and I felt that Skywalker blood, that potential in myself. I sometimes wondered if I was wasting my talent. But then I’d remember what had happened to my family, to my homeworld, to the galaxy, to  _me_ , and I’d feel so angry.”

 

Leia laughed at Rey’s expression. “Yes, I know I seem to yell at everyone a lot, so it’s not that hard to imagine me angry. But this is deeper than that – I’m sure you know what it feels like.”

 

“But you never wanted to learn?”

 

Leia shook her head. “No. I’m not my brother. I’m not you.”

 

Rey shifted in her seat. 

 

“Rey, I was afraid of what I’d do if I knew how to use my power. But you, Rey –“ Leia leaned forward and laid a hand on her arm. “– I’ve never had that fear about you. Even from the beginning.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yes. You have such a kind heart towards others, like today with Silyana. You see the good in others and your light can draw it out.”

 

Suddenly Rey jumped up and threw her arms around Leia, who reciprocated the hug with warmth. 

 

“Thank you,” Rey breathed. 

 

When Rey pulled away, she grinned at Leia, who smiled back. Rey noticed the beginnings of wrinkles around her deep brown eyes and wondered when those had appeared. It seemed like ages ago when she’d lived under Leia’s care. Rey thought of the time on Chandrila warmly despite how terrible it had been at first. Leia had been persistent in her kindness even as Rey had reacted violently to all the changes. 

 

With a shock, Rey realized she’d known Leia for seven years, or half of her life.  _How did that happen?_

 

“You’d probably should check on Silyana, make sure she’s settled in,” Leia said. With all the mothering, Rey had forgotten momentarily about this part of Leia, the part that was constantly aware of everyone’s current status.

 

“Alright,” Rey said. “Thank you again.”

 

“Of course, Rey. Always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! I just wanted to thank everyone who left comments and kudos while I was MIA, it made me smile every time I got a notification!
> 
> I already have the next two chapters written, so I hope to post another one after a bit of tweaking in about a week. But in the meantime let me know what you like (or dislike) about this one! I'm trying to answer everyone's comments; also you can follow/hmu on tumblr @a-nerd-obsessed. I love talking with you all!
> 
> And don't worry, Ben will be back next chapter! Thanks for reading!


	8. Chapter the Eighth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to AngstyWriter for helping me with my footwork in this chapter!

A week later, Rey was back on Alaris Prime, walking up the slope from the landing pad after Tirian, Ryl, and Silyana. A warm breeze brushed over her skin, carrying the scent of dry grasses, a welcome contrast from the polluted air they’d had on Corellia.

 

It had been one of the strangest weeks of Rey’s life, cooped up in her room on a foreign planet with only Silyana for company during the day. Silyana had been content to wander around the sumptuous suite provided for the Jedi, snacking on whatever food they had lying around, asking Rey all sorts of questions about what life at the Academy would be like. Rey had been bored out of her mind, staring out the window, wanting to do something, anything besides binge watch another holoshow or,  _stars forbid_ , meditate some more. 

 

Several times, Silyana had caught her looking longingly outside. “It’s not much,” she’d said. 

 

“Really?” Rey couldn’t believe that all that out there, such a big city full of sentients, that it was  _not much._

 

Silyana had shrugged. “Surviving isn’t much. That’s what everyone out there is doing.”

 

Rey hadn’t replied to that. She remembered that life. 

 

“Rey!” 

 

She looked up to see Joerian jogging towards her, R2-D2 at his side. 

 

“Hey Jo! How’d it go?”

 

“Nice to see you, kid. Do you think you could take care of Solo? He’s been a pain in the ass ever since we got back yesterday.”

 

“That bad?” Rey had sensed the Jedi at the Academy when they broke atmosphere, including Ben’s simmering Force signature, but hadn’t thought much of it. 

 

“I’d say so, yeah. He won’t talk to anyone. Master Skywalker said to leave him alone, but – “ Joerian shrugged. 

 

“Anything I should know?”

 

Joerian‘s face was serious, never a good sign. “Well, it got a little more – involved than we’d expected.”

 

Rey nodded. “Here, take this.” She handed him her pack and cracked her knuckles. 

 

“What am I supposed to do with this?” he protested in faux outrage. 

 

“Just toss it in my room.” Then Rey thought about it and called after his retreating back. “Wait! Put it on my bed. Very gently. Artoo, make sure he doesn’t break something, please.”

 

Artoo whistled an affirmative to Rey, purposefully swerving in front of Joerian so he nearly tripped. Rey giggled when Jo glared back at her, pantomiming a kick to the astromech’s side.

 

Rey turned away towards Ben’s hut on the outskirts of the Academy grounds. Now that she was focusing on it, she felt his disquiet churning and twisting. Still, she marched up and knocked on his door. 

 

“Andor, I swear if you don’t leave – “

 

“It’s me, you jerk!”

 

The door opened to reveal a Ben with untidy hair and rumpled robes. 

 

“Some Jedi Knight you are! Didn’t even know it was me on the other side of the door,” Rey huffed, pushing past him into the room before plopping down in his desk chair. She looked around, noting with a frown the bedding that had been thrown across the room and the ink hurled against the far wall. 

 

Ben stood with his arms crossed in the doorway. 

 

“I wondered why you didn’t say hello when we made planetfall, but now I know it’s because you were too busy wallowing to get out of your room.” Rey paused, reading the expression on his face. She gasped. “You did know, and you decided to ignore me!”

 

“I –“ Ben started. 

 

“That’s it, Solo.” She stood up and shoved him backwards into the outdoors. “Let’s go.”

 

Rey summoned the lightsaber on his nightstand into her palm and skipped down the path, not waiting to see if Ben would follow. 

 

He did. 

 

Rey made her way down to where the Academy’s speeders were parked in a rough looking shelter made out of fallen wroshyr wood like most of the structures scattered around the Academy grounds. A speeder, her pet project made of reclaimed parts, sat in the far back corner under a tarp. She’d already removed the stiff cloth and was running her fingers over propulsion system when Ben trudged up. 

 

“Must we take that thing?” Ben said. “It looks like it’s going to fall apart any minute now.”

 

“Shut up and get on,” Rey said, not bothering to look up as she finished her inspection. She hopped on and started the engine, which sputtered a moment before settling into a low growl. She pulled on goggles from the pouch strapped to the side of the speeder. Usually Ben smirked at the sight of her headgear, but now his expression didn’t even flicker as he climbed on behind her. 

 

Rey revved the engine once before shooting out of the shelter and onto the plains. Grass whipped at their legs and Rey pushed the speeder higher so they were skimming over a green-brown sea. She loved this feeling, speed and freedom in the air that pushed her back even as she leaned forward over the handles, but Ben was stiff as he held onto her for balance. She frowned to herself. Whatever was wrong must have been worse than she thought. 

 

It didn’t take long for them to approach the edge of the plains and come up to the towering wroshyr forest casting a dense shadow over the grasses at its foot. Rey parked the speeder in the shelter created by a massive root protruding from the ground. Ben followed silently as she began to climb up towards the trunk. The tree was thick enough at its base that it would take ten minutes to walk around, and it was one of the small ones. Ben climbed with her, using the handholds and occasional stair steps that had withstood the passage of time since the last Wookiee settlers abandoned them. Soon her fingertips were rubbed raw from the rough bark.

 

It was a good half hour later when Rey clambered onto a platform high in the forest canopy which was part of a village that remained from sometime before the Empire’s rule. 

 

Rey stood and stretched her stiff muscles before entering a hut with a sagging roof that stood on the far end of the platform. Inside, the musty smell of the forest thickened in the still air as she went to the corner and pulled out a saber hilt from slickskin wrapping where she’d placed it to keep dry. 

 

Back outside, Ben waited in the dim light that filtered through the leaves, the cross look on his face telling her he was regretting letting her drag him out all this way. 

 

“Alright, Solo.” Rey tossed him his weapon, then ignited the one in her grip. Half of her face glowed blue, a reflection of the sky peeking through the leaves above them as she spun the lightsaber in one hand, saluting him before raising it in a high guard. “Fight me. And don’t hold back.”

 

Ben frowned, his grip on his hilt loose. “Where’d you get that?”

 

Rey shrugged. “Master Luke had it in a chest in the temple that hadn’t been opened in forever. He won’t miss it. Now I said fight me!”

 

Ben sighed before lighting his own blade and attacking her. 

 

They’d done this before. When rants at the speeder shed or landing pad hadn’t been enough, Rey had suggested sparring. Not that it was an even match: he was taller, stronger, and had a much further reach, but she loved the challenge and the chance to learn from adrenaline rather than drills. The survivor in her thrived on the danger and responded to it, thrumming with energy. 

 

Of course, he never sought to hurt her, and before they’d always used the low power training sabers. But she’d sensed that today he needed something more, something to ground him here and now, the energy of the kyber humming in his grip. 

 

His first blow came strong, full of anger and frustration. Rey deflected the overhead strike, letting it slide away from her as she slipped around his side. He shifted, avoiding her attempt to flank him and pushing forward with a flurry of smaller blows. Her heart raced as she parried before circling again to swing the plasma blade at his legs. He slipped back and knocked her blade down, drawing her forward as he sidestepped. The tip of his saber was at her throat before she could recover, the heat of the blade sending a shiver across her skin.

 

“ _Solah_.” Rey stepped back, breathing hard and wiping the sweat from her eyes. “Go again.”

 

They kept at it, Ben’s swings becoming more wild and powerful as his caution fell to pieces under the storm of emotion Rey felt reaching out to her, desperate and clawing. She tried her best to draw him out and wear him down, using the Force to redirect his blows or push him back when she grew tired of dodging. She remembered how she’d commanded the situation with Silyana and the muggers, reaching deep to tap into the power she knew was there. 

 

But then Ben stepped forward, his brown eyes shadowed, almost sinister in the glow of his lightsaber. He was coming too hard, too fast, and he felt dark, too dark – 

 

“Ben!”

 

She shoved him away using the Force with all the strength she had left, sprawling onto the planking of the platform as he stumbled through where she had just been. 

 

“Rey! Are you alright?”

 

She pushed herself up to a sitting position on shaking arms. Ben was getting to his feet across the platform, concern and guilt on his face, but he didn’t move towards her. 

 

“I think I’m fine,” she said, wiping a hand across her face. She looked at him. “What happened?”

 

“I – I don’t know,” he mumbled, placing a hand over his face. She waited. After a moment, he gave a choked laugh. “Do you ever think that there’s something they’re not telling you? That there’s things you should know but don’t?”

 

Rey didn’t answer, let him speak. 

 

“I’m sorry, Rey, I think I’ve lied to you, or at least not trusted you with the truth. I still hear the voice – he still talks to me – and I didn’t want to tell you because you were doing better.” He looked at her then. “I’m sorry, Rey. I swear I won’t do that again. You’re just a kid, but you’re my friend.” He laughed under his breath, and Rey understood. It was odd that they were the closest person either of them had when he was twenty-two and she was fourteen, but she figured it was because they were almost like family, growing up together, experiencing the same struggles. Still, he looked like he wanted to hit something. 

 

Rey coughed and he startled. She asked again. “What happened?”

 

Ben stayed motionless, even the air still around them. “On Orinda, we were supposed to be facilitating negotiations between the government and an extremist group. Senator Fatil was there to introduce us. Nobody mentioned that they weren’t just terrorists, they were a kriffing cult. Acolytes of the Beyond.”

 

Rey wrinkled her brow. The name sounded familiar. 

 

“ _Vader lives._ They’re Dark Side worshippers, and they weren’t happy to see us.” He stiffened as he fought the need to lash out, pressing the palms of his hands against the platform. Rey resisted flinching as she felt his turmoil again, grasping at her as he struggled to keep it contained. “Except, maybe they were happy to see me. They started screaming at the Orindan officials and drew weapons on us. Nothing we couldn’t handle. Shul and Joerian and I were helping the others away, but then one of the acolytes came out of nowhere and grabbed my wrist. He told me they had something of mine, something I needed.”

 

Rey slowly moved closer, but he didn’t look up. Tentatively, she reached out and put a hand on his arm, intending comfort. 

 

And then the forest was gone. She was looking over Ben’s shoulder as he held his unlit saber in one hand, the other held in the cold, vise-like grasp of a hooded figure. Around him, other hoods screamed and spat insults at the two Jedi Knights who stood behind him, lightsabers ablaze, shielding the Oridan officials who cowered in the sweltering noonday sun. 

 

“Let go,” Ben said, his tone low. Sweat trickled down his brow.

 

“We’ve been waiting for you,” the acolyte said in a clear, cool voice. “We have something that belongs to you.”

 

“Leave me alone. You have nothing for me.” Ben yanked away, but the acolyte didn’t release his wrist. The others hoods were still shouting in the background. 

 

_Kill him. He is below you, and he dares to touch you. Remind him that you are more._

 

“Come with us,” the hood insisted. 

 

“No,” Ben said, and Rey didn’t know if he was talking to the acolyte or the voice in their heads. The lightsaber in his hand ignited. 

 

_Kill him._

 

“We’ve been waiting.”

 

“Let go!”

 

Finally, the acolyte jerked away. His hood slipped back, revealing a young face with wide eyes. He looked down at the blue plasma speared through his chest, the bright sunlight bleaching his skin so he already looked dead. Slowly, his eyes came back up to Ben’s. He choked, blood on his lips as they moved silently, slowing as his face went slack.  

 

The world tilted, and Rey’s awareness spun around. Instead of sunlight, it was shadow. The saber was sparking crimson, not steady sapphire, Ben’s pale hand replaced by a hard leather gauntlet. The boy was gone, in his place an old man, his face obscured. And the voice — the voice was laughing. 

 

“Rey!”

 

Ben was gripping her upper arms, concern in his face. 

 

“What was that?” Rey said. 

 

“What did you see?” Ben asked, searching her face.

 

“I think it was your memory.”

 

Ben was watching her intently, his brown eyes deep and serious, but she didn’t look away. 

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to project that on you. I don’t even know how —“

 

“This keeps happening, like when we met. When I touched you.”

 

“You remember?”

 

“It’s the first clear thing I remember after… all that.”

 

“Ah.”

 

“And then on the street in Chandrila, too.”

 

“Yes.”

 

She realized that both of them were trembling, but Rey couldn’t tell if it was from physical or mental exhaustion. They sat quietly, and Rey let the silence and stillness of the wroshyr forest calm them, knowing anything they said would be not answer their unspoken questions.

 

Eventually Ben spoke again, quietly. “How was your mission?”

 

Rey scooted back a little, realizing she was still close to him. “Well, um, it was different.” She proceeded to tell him everything that had happened on Corellia, leaving out her conversation with Leia. Why, she wasn’t sure, but she didn’t want any jealousy to be stirred up between them. Rey knew it had been over a year since he’d seen his mother in person. 

 

Once she finished, she asked, “Do you think Luke will let her stay?”

 

Ben frowned. “Probably.” Then, after a pause, “Did you know the Acolytes of the Beyond were on Corellia a while back, right after the Empire fell?”

 

“Silyana is not in a cult. She’s like us – she has to fight darkness.”

 

“I wasn’t saying that. I’m just saying there’s so much we don’t know about the galaxy. The darkness is hidden everywhere, waiting.”

 

“Not here,” Rey said. 

 

Ben looked at her and smiled. “No, not here.” He stood up and stretched, joints popping, before offering her a hand. “Thank you, Rey.”

 

She grinned at him, sensing the storm cloud around him had thinned a little, at least for now. 

 

“You couldn’t live without me,” she said with a smirk, taking his hand. 

 

Ben gave her a small smile. “You’re so right.”

 

~---~

 

Rey and Ben arrived back at the Academy grounds before dinner, creeping up the hill behind the temple cautiously. Not that Luke disapproved of his students taking a jaunt on the Academy speeders so long as they didn’t neglect their studies, but most of the other apprentices went on hikes or picnics, not potentially-Dark-Side-fueled vent sessions. 

 

“Rey!”

 

Rey spun around at her name being called for the second time that day. It was Lalae, a bright smile on her face. 

 

“Hey,” Rey called to the other girl. Ben kept walking and Rey watched him go, satisfying herself that his mood had eased into his normal sullenness before turning to Lalae. “How are you?”

 

Lalae rolled her eyes. “Dying. Not everyone is a nerd like Tarith. The man has managed to turn studying into an art, but I’m about to claw my own eyes out.”

 

Rey laughed as she turned to walk with Lalae towards the dining hall. “Well, it’s a good thing being a Jedi is about more than knowing stuff. It’s a heart thing too, and you’ve got that down better than almost anybody.”

 

“Aw, thanks, Rey,” Lalae said, pulling Rey in for a brief side hug. “You’re always so sweet.”

 

Rey blushed. “Now that’s a lie.”

 

“Nope,” Lalae said emphatically. “Always.”

 

Rey glanced at the Togruta apprentice, grateful for her constant, cheerful support. Of course, she didn’t know about the voice, and Rey briefly wondered what she would say if she did. Lalae seemed content to ignore the darkness Rey couldn’t help but see waiting in the cracks and crevices. So although Lalae was almost the big sister she never had, that urge to share her worries with the older girl ended where her secrets began. 

 

They had almost made it to the dining hall when another person called to her. 

 

“Rey!”

 

Rey sighed. Today she was entirely too popular for her preference. 

 

Both girls turned to see Master Skywalker on the bottom step of the temple. Ryl was leading Silyana away towards the individual huts. The Corellian girl caught Rey’s eye but didn’t smile; instead her gaze swept past to the Academy grounds, preoccupied. Rey frowned. She couldn’t tell from her expression what the outcome of Luke’s discussion with Silyana had been. 

 

“I’d like to talk with you for a minute,” Luke said. 

 

“Yes, Master.”

 

“I’m going to go on to dinner,” Lalae said, squeezing Rey’s hand before turning away. Rey trudged up to the temple and followed Luke inside to the space used for meditation. He sat down on a mat with practiced fluidity. Rey sat down a little more clumsily, still not used to the length of her limbs after her most recent growth spurt. Not that she was exactly tall, but now she didn’t have to ask Ben or Joerian every time she needed a boost into one of the uneti saplings around the temple. She was almost even with Ben’s shoulders now. 

 

Luke sat in silence for a while. Surrounded by the dim quiet of the chapel, Rey slipped into meditation out of habit, her eyes closing and her breathing evening out. 

 

_It feels like home._

 

The thought startled Rey and she opened her eyes. It was a nice thought, but she wasn’t sure if she wanted it. No matter how much she felt safe and loved here, there was always something missing, something the darkness wouldn’t let her forget.  _My parents_.

 

Unable to recenter herself, Rey waited for Luke to open his eyes. The late sunlight flowing from the high windows caught the dust motes in warm golden beams, and soon she was struggling not to doze after all the traveling she’d done that day, the thought of food the only thing keeping her from drifting off. A short while later, Luke blinked, focusing his gaze on her, and smiled. 

 

“I’ve decided to let Silyana join the Academy.”

 

Rey let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding and grinned. 

 

“Thank you, Master Luke!”

 

“Hmm, yes. Ryl told me what happened, and I can’t say I’m thrilled with your behavior on Corellia.”

 

Rey’s smile turned to a grimace . “Sorry.”

 

“You are very smart and skilled, Rey, but you also have an impulsivity that can be dangerous as a Jedi. I should know,” Luke said. “You need to be careful of running off, even if it seems like a good impulse at the time.”

 

“But —“ 

 

Luke held up a hand. “I’m not saying never follow through on your first reaction, just make sure it’s the right choice.” His gaze sharpened. “Like dragging a sulky Ben out on a speeder.”

 

Rey was startled. “You knew?”

 

“Of course, Rey. I know everything.” 

 

She squirmed on her mat, shifting her legs. Luke laughed. 

 

“Not really. Stars, that would be exhausting. Well, more exhausting,” he corrected himself. “Anyway, I’m not going to tell you not to spend time with together. Actually I should thank you. He was starting to… sink. But I’m glad you’re good friends for each other.  It’s encouraging to see.”

 

Rey frowned, trying to unravel what Luke was saying. Maybe he still didn’t know about the sparring in the forest. There was no way he could know about the voice, especially if Ben had kept its recent activity from even her. 

 

“Well, I don’t know about you, but I’m hungry,” Luke said. 

 

“Yes, please!” Rey said, clambering to her feet. Rey almost reached out a hand to Luke out of politeness, resisting the urge but not before he noticed the twitch of her fingers. 

 

“I’m not that old yet, Rey,” he growled as he stood up. 

 

“Sorry.”

 

He reached over almost as if to pat her head, but instead placed a hand on her shoulder. ”Don’t worry. I know I should be old and wise, but neither of those is likely to happen soon.”

 

 _Maybe,_ Rey thought,  _since I’m older, he’ll start trusting me and stop treating me like a kid._ But she didn’t really mind. She knew that Luke didn’t treat any of the other students that way because, despite her reluctance, she knew the Skywalker-Solo family saw her as one of theirs. What she didn’t know was why they had chosen her when her own parents hadn’t. 

 

Rey shivered a little, trying to shake off her dark train of thought as she walked with her master out of the temple and into the evening light. Together they entered the dining hall where the rest of the Order was already gathered. Rey saw Silyana sitting between Ryl and Tarith, and when she saw Rey she gave a nod and the beginnings of a sly grin. Rey sat between Joerian and Zarr, the new Falleen apprentice, who greeted her with a friendly, sharp-toothed smile. Jo bumped her elbow and mouthed an exaggerated  _thank you,_ tipping his head in Ben’s direction.

 

Ben was seated across from her and he gave her a half smile when she nudged his foot under the table. She grinned back, grateful to be home. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Thanks so much for reading! Leave a comment to let me know what you thought of this chapter, and leave a kudos if you liked what you read. Your responses make my day every time, and I want to connect with my fellow nerds!
> 
> You can also catch me on Tumblr @a-nerd-obsessed! I'll update again within the next two weeks :)


	9. Chapter the Ninth

_Two years later_ _…_

 

Rey was sprawled on her back in the grass in the shade of the Temple, a holobook extended over her face as she tried to read. Her body was exhausted from a long day of calisthenics and running, and she wanted nothing more than to lie there until dinner time. She struggled to focus on the words, determined to make some progress on the text even as her eyelids drooped. 

 

The next thing Rey was aware of was someone nudging in her in the ribs with the toe of their boot. She moaned. 

 

“Go away.”

 

“Nice to see you too.”

 

Rey blinked up at the person silhouetted above her. “Ben?” 

 

“What’s left of him, anyway.”

 

“Ben!” She jumped to her feet and attempted to wrap her arms around him, but he held her off. 

 

“Sorry, but I’m in desperate need of a shower. Ryl and I just landed.”

 

“You just don’t like hugs,” she pouted. 

 

“Also true,” Ben said. 

 

Rey huffed but let it slide. He looked leaner and more exhausted than she remembered and she didn’t want to push him when she’d just gotten him back. 

 

It’d been seven months since he’d been called away on a mission by the Senate, and communication had been limited. Rey had missed him so much it hurt. She hoped he had missed her too, but there was something older and harder about him, edged with something like desperation. She suddenly felt nervous with him, so she went for her fallback.  

 

“Have you eaten?”

 

“Still always thinking about food?” Ben said. 

 

“Um, yes?”

 

“Not surprised. And no, I haven’t. I really need to talk with Luke first and then I was going to go get cleaned up.”

 

“Master Luke can wait. Now I’m hungry too.”

 

Ben hesitated before relenting slightly. “Alright, but at least let me shower first.”

 

“Deal!” Rey started towards his hut but he stopped her. 

 

“Don’t forget your book.”

 

“Oh, right.” Rey dived down to scoop it up. Ben tilted his head to try and see the title as they walked side by side. 

 

“What are you reading?”

 

Rey looked down at the holobook in her hands as if trying to remember. “It’s about the latest refinements in energy efficiency for coaxium-fueled hyperdrives.”

 

“Sounds like death.”

 

“Han gave it to me for my birthday when he was here dropping off supplies. He said to say hi when you got back.”

 

Ben grunted. 

 

“Well, honestly I like the book better than your mother’s gift. She got me a dress, and her note said something like even Jedi can use formal wear.”

 

“She’s probably right.”

 

“I don’t think I’ll use it. I haven’t even tried it on.”

 

“I’m sure you’d look great in it.”

 

Rey felt slightly pleased at that but tried not to examine her reaction too much. Ben continued after a brief silence. 

 

“I’m sorry I wasn’t here for your birthday.”

 

Rey smiled at him. “Don’t worry about it. It’s not your fault.”

 

Ben pressed his lips together. “Wait for me out here?” 

 

They had reached his room, so Rey flopped in the dry grass while he went inside. 

 

If she was being honest, she had been severely disappointed that Ben hadn’t been home for her sixteenth birthday. Again, she knew it wasn’t his fault that his assignment had taken longer than anticipated, but it had been the first time he’d been absent since they’d known each other. 

 

Ben was actually the one who’d picked out her birthday after Leia had discovered Rey didn’t know the real date. He’d suggested his half-birthday, mostly because it was just as good as any other day. Even so, Ben had seemed hesitant, like maybe she’d reject the idea, but seven-year-old Rey had been delighted. No one had ever shared anything with her. 

 

“Ready?” Ben appeared in his door looking slightly less haggard, dressed in clean robes, his thick dark hair still damp from the ‘fresher. 

 

“Yup!”

 

Together they walked to the dining hall, which was still empty that early in the afternoon. Dinner wouldn’t be for another hour, but the culinary droid worked itself up into a frenzy, the sound of oil sizzling and the smell of aromatic spices flooding the space. Soon the droid presented them with an unnecessarily large amount of food that Rey appreciated nonetheless. She dug into the meal like she had been the one gone for seven months, not Ben, nearly burning herself on the seared nerf steak and tangy blue cream soup. Ben ate at a steady pace, amusement in his eyes as he watched her decimate the spread. 

 

“What?” she said indignantly. “Ryl had us running laps all morning.”

 

“That explains why you’re eating as much as you usually do.”

 

“Switch off.”

 

His lips twitched up, then he reached into his pocket. “I have something for you.”

 

Rey leaned forward eagerly. 

 

“Happy birthday,” he said, sliding a small package to her across the table. She quickly tore off the plain wrapping and gasped. 

 

Inside was a simple braided bracelet of dark twine, and trapped in the weaving was a Naboo night pearl. Its surface had a smoky iridescence that peeked out from beneath the netting. 

 

“I didn’t know what to get you, but I thought you might like this, because it’s not too flashy, or maybe you’d rather have something else, but —“

 

“It’s perfect,” Rey said. “Help me put it on?”

 

Ben tied it around her wrist, careful not to make it too tight. She twisted her hand, watching the pearl’s subtle shimmer.

 

“Thank you,” she said quietly. 

 

“Hey, Solo. Welcome back.” Joerian sauntered into the dining hall, his usual grin already brimming with mischief. 

 

“Hi, Joerian,” Ben said as the other knight plopped himself on the bench next to Rey. 

 

“Ooo, what’s this?” Jo said, picking up Rey’s wrist to admire the bracelet. 

 

“Ben gave it to me for my birthday,” Rey said. 

 

“Nice,” Jo said, nodding to Ben as he let Rey have her hand back. Rey thought she noticed Ben’s cheeks pink a little, but it could’ve been the late sunlight filtering through the open windows. 

 

Eventually the other Jedi made their way in for dinner, welcoming Ben back and complimenting Rey on her gift. Luke came in and greeted his nephew, clasping him in the shoulder as he went to his seat. Ben opened his mouth to say something to Luke, but the Jedi master was already sitting down.

 

The droid reappeared, laden with more food, and reset the table for the newcomers. Rey snatched a few bites off of Jo’s plate, but otherwise she just participated in the conversation. Ben looked drowsy, the combination of shower and food and the drone of sriflies outside the windows tugging on his eyelids. Rey had to kick him under the table a few times when he looked in danger of nodding off. 

 

Afterward, when almost everyone had left, Luke came down from the head of the table to sit next to Ben. Rey was already getting up to leave, but Luke waved her down. 

 

“This involves you, so you can stay if you want,” he said. 

 

Rey lowered herself back down, forehead crinkled in confusion. 

 

“Ben, I know you just got back, but I was wondering if you could go with the apprentices to Eadu in a couple days. They’re going to search for kyber crystals. Lalae is going with them too.”

 

Rey bounced upright on the bench. “Yes! Please, Ben?”

 

Rey desperately hoped he’d say yes. Silyana, Zarr, and Rey were all working on their own lightsabers, and Rey had her hilt almost completed; all that was missing was the crystal. Kyber was rare in the best of times, but after the Empire had bought or commandeered most known supplies of kyber in its quest to build the two Death Stars, it was more difficult than ever to locate. At least through honest means. Thus the Jedi were reduced to scavenging across the galaxy. Eadu has been an Imperial kyber refinery that the Rebellion had destroyed a few years before the Battle of Endor, but Luke hoped that they might be able to find something in the rubble. 

 

Ben wiped a hand over his face, his lips pressed together. Rey felt a little guilty for asking him to leave when he’d just gotten back, but it had been  _so long_  since they’d spent time together. They hadn’t even had time to catch up yet, but she didn’t want anyone else along on a trip this important. 

 

“I guess so,” Ben said after a moment. 

 

“Thanks, Ben,” Rey said, a huge grin breaking across her face. She wished he wasn’t so set against hugs. 

 

Luke nodded. “Alright, then it’s settled. Get some rest. We can talk about things tomorrow.”

 

“Actually,” Ben started as his uncle stood up, “could we —“

 

“Tomorrow.” Luke said firmly. “Go to sleep. You need it.”

 

“Fine,” Ben said, pushing up and away from the table. 

 

Luke frowned slightly but let him go, Rey bouncing up to follow. 

 

Outside the dining hall, she called after him. His longer legs had already taken him most of the way to the clump of individual dwellings, but he stopped to let her catch up. The sun had set, leaving only the afterglow and luminescent magnetosphere above them to light the paths.

 

“Are you alright?” 

 

“I’m fine. Just tired.”

 

It was hard to read his expression in the dim light as they continued on, but she could sense the desperation and disquiet he was trying to tamp down. 

 

“No, you’re not. What’s wrong?”

 

He sighed. “It’s just been a lot, and I’m tired. I wanted to talk to Luke about it, but —“ He broke off with a bitter laugh. “He thinks I need  _sleep._ ” 

 

“What happened?”

 

“I don’t know. Nothing. It’s just — it’s different out there. I can feel the darkness pressing in. Something’s coming. The feeling's not as strong here at the Academy, but I know he’s out there.”

 

They had arrived at her door. Ben hung back, slouching in the dark as rainbows slithered in the upper atmosphere. 

 

They had concluded that the voice they’d been hearing was not just a malevolence in the Force. Together, by comparing their experiences and impressions, they’d ascertained that whoever it was had a physical existence, and he was watching them, the new Jedi Order, and the New Republic. How, neither of them could say, but they knew it for a fact as surely as they knew each other. 

 

“Did he talk to you?”

 

Ben was silent for a moment. “It’s late. I should let you get to sleep.”

 

“Ben —“

 

“Not right now, Rey, alright? Maybe Luke’s right. I need to get some rest.”

 

“But if it’s bothering you —“

 

“Let me go. Rey, please?”

 

Rey didn’t realize that she’d grabbed on to his sleeve. She let go reluctantly and he stepped away. 

 

“You don’t have to keep things from me. I can help you.”

 

“I know.” He turned and started walking away. 

 

“Later?” she called after him. 

 

“Good night, Rey.”

 

Rey kicked at a tuft of grasses as he faded into shadows.  _Don’t do this again,_ she thought,  _you promised not to keep me out._

_~---~_

 

Three days later, and Rey still felt like he was shutting her out. While he had told her about his mission, he never said why he had been so distressed on his return. Maybe it was exhaustion and stress talking, but Rey knew him better. 

 

“Could you take this box for me?”

 

Rey turned to see Zarr Ricin, the Falleen apprentice, struggling with a stack of boxes containing provisions for their trip to Eadu. His accent caused the Basic words to have a faint hissing sound, as though they were slipping out of his mouth before he was done with them. 

 

“Sure.” She levitated the top two from his arms and started down the hill from the dining hall to the landing pad. 

 

“Oh,” he said behind her. After two years in the Academy, Zarr still didn’t reflexively rely on the Force for simple tasks such as shifting objects like the other students. While skilled in combat and very adept at sensing others around him, he couldn’t seem to grasp the ability to influence the physical world. Rey heard a thump and a curse as he dropped one of the crates. She winced, hoping it would click with him soon. 

 

Down at the landing pad, Lalae was overseeing the loading of the  _Grey_ _Kestrel_  while Silyana rolled her eyes. 

 

“I know it’s going to be wet. I just don’t see why we need three slicks for everybody. We’re crammed into this old thing as it is,” Silyana drawled.

 

The  _Grey_ _Kestrel_ was another ship acquired by the Academy when the knights had started going on more missions for the Senate. Smaller than the  _Hope Awake_ , it was newer and more nimble but also less comfortable. Once they reached Eadu, the five Jedi planned to camp out on whatever dry spot they could find.

 

“It doesn’t hurt to be prepared,” Lalae said. “And if you pack things correctly in the hold, we won’t have to put anything in the lounge.”

 

“If you say so,” Silyana said. Lalae looked affronted by the younger girl’s barely concealed scorn, but she responded with her infinite patience. 

 

“Thank you, Silyana.”

 

“Sure,” Silyana said flatly.

 

Rey came up behind the Togruta knight, Zarr lagging a few paces. “Where would you like us to put these?”

 

Rey almost felt sorry for Lalae when she saw the frustration on her face. She had come to realize that Lalae saw things as having only one logical solution or outcome while Silyana was much more unstructured in her approach to life. They had yet to find a middle ground for their personalities, which left Rey to hear the complaints from both sides. 

 

Lalae was about to respond when Ben appeared at the top of the  _Grey Kestrel’_ s ramp.

 

“Bring them up here, Rey,” he said. 

 

She followed him into the ship’s tiny galley and put the crates in the corner. Ben turned to her. 

 

“Are they going to be like that the whole time?”

 

“Probably?” she offered apologetically. 

 

“Wonderful.” He turned to go.

 

Rey narrowed her eyes. Any shyness she’d felt when he’d returned had vanished in the past few days when she’d found him to be the same sullen, stubborn, reticent Ben she’d grown up with. 

 

“Hey,” she snapped at him. “Don’t be like that. If you don’t want to talk to me, that’s fine —“  _It’s not_ “— but don’t ruin this.”

 

His face was set but she caught the twitch under his right eye. “Sorry,” he muttered. 

 

Rey stomped out, too fed up with everyone’s drama to be gracious about his apology. Inwardly she grumbled, praying that this trip would go a little more smoothly than the morning had so far. At the very least, she needed to find the kyber crystal she for her saber. As long as that happened, she could technically consider the trip a success. 

 

“Rey!” 

 

Ben was jogging after her up the path back to her hut. She paused to wait for him, crossing her arms. 

 

“I’m sorry,” he said when he reached her. “I trust you with everything. Just you. You’re the only one who knows. But I didn’t — don’t — know where to start, how to explain. I’m horrible with words, and I don’t want to mislead you or cause a misunderstanding —“

 

“I know all of that,” Rey said, meeting his serious, intense gaze. “I know. We’ve been over this. Just tell me. Don’t shut me out.”

 

“I just —“ he paused, breaking away from her gaze as if he felt guilty about his next words. He lowered his voice. “I just wanted to protect you.”

 

Rey was stunned for a solid ten seconds. “Ben Solo! Of all the stupid —“

 

“I know! I know, alright?” he shouted, then quickly lowered his tone. “It’s just you shouldn’t have to deal with my problems. You’re just sixteen.”

 

Ben’s eyes widened when he realized that he’d done it again, but it was too late. 

 

“Ben,” Rey hissed. “You know very well that it’s my problem too. Don’t act like it’s just you.”

 

“Could you two please attempt to be civil?” Tirian said as he walked by on his way to the temple. “Really though, even Tarith and I don’t quarrel this much, and we share blood.”

 

“Switch off,” Rey shot back as Ben glared at him. 

 

Tirian ignored her, continuing his stroll up the slope. 

 

“You’re right,” Ben said, dragging Rey back to their conversation. “As usual.”

 

“Tell me what happened,” she said. 

 

Ben glanced around to make sure they were alone. “While I was out there, I was trying to discover more about him. There was nothing but rumors. The big syndicates are unusually quiet, which many think is due to the rise of the New Republic. But there’s talk, talk of another Order.”

 

“The Sith?” Rey asked, a thrill of fear running down her spine, thinking to their history lessons from Luke and Lor San Tekka, of the inevitable need for the Force to balance itself.

 

“No, something to do with the Imperial remnant that disappeared into the Unknown Regions. No one knows much, just a few names: Rae Sloane, Brendol Hux, others – they vanished after the Battle of Jakku.”

 

“They have to be dead. No one can travel there and make it out alive.” 

 

Ben gave her a flat look. “That’s what everyone tells to me too.”

 

Rey frowned. “Well, maybe they’re right.”

 

“They’re not.” 

 

Rey’s lips twitched at his confidence, the casual statement of facts he had determined to be true. That was so very Ben. Still, none of those names Ben mentioned could be him. No, he was something new, previously unaccounted for. She sighed, letting her arms drop to her sides.

 

“Thank you for telling me.”

 

He nodded. She looked around, trying to remember what she’d been doing before their spat and realized they were standing outside her quarters. 

 

“Help me with my stuff?” she asked. 

 

They entered her hut, which was still as neat and tidy as ever. She tossed him her bedroll with maybe a little more force than was necessary, still a little miffed at him. Then she picked up her pack, leaving the components of her lightsaber neatly arranged on her desk, ready for assembly except for the missing crystal. Rey brushed her fingers along the polished desktop as she walked out, and when she looked up, Ben gave her a quick smile. 

 

“Come on; let’s go.”

 

~---~

The journey to Eadu was overall uneventful, much to Ben’s relief. Everyone kept to themselves, the apprentices having been instructed by Luke to meditate in preparation for their task. It was only when they arrived in the Eadu system that things got exciting. 

 

“Sensors are picking up stronger than usual storms on Eadu,” Rey said from the copilot’s seat. 

 

“So they are,” Ben said as he adjusted their flight path toward the sector of the planet’s surface where the old Imperial refinery was located. 

 

“Should we hold off until this weather system blows over?”

 

“The forecast is only showing that it’s intensifying,” he said, indicating a screen to the right in the tiny cockpit.  “Our best shot is now.”

 

“If you say so.”

 

“What?” Ben said, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “You don’t think we can do it?”

 

“I know we can do it,” she retorted. “But they don’t.”

 

Ben turned around to see Lalae, Zarr, and Silyana peering anxiously out the forward viewport at the swirling storm clouds flickering with lightning that filled Eadu’s atmosphere. 

 

“Go strap yourselves in. We’ll be breaking atmosphere soon.”

 

The Togruta and the Falleen headed back to their seats, but Silyana lingered a little longer. 

 

“Rey, I swear if we die I’ll kill you myself,” the blonde girl said.

 

“Go buckle up,” Rey ordered. Despite Silyana’s strong words, Ben had discovered during the last few days that space travel was one of the only things that frightened her. Growing up on Corellia, she had seen too many ships being pieced together, and some shipyards tended to cut corners. In her logic, if you can put them together, why can’t they just come back apart? Ben couldn’t decide whether he agreed or not, having survived many a journey in the  _Millennium Falcon_ which was most definitely not up to code. 

 

“Hasn’t she been told that threats aren’t very Jedi-like?” Ben asked. 

 

“Oh, yeah. Several times.”

 

“Hmm.”

 

Ben turned his attention back to their planetary approach. Cyclonic patterns of blue-gray vapor twisted in front of them, swallowing up their field of vision. The planet’s gravity drew them in, and they slid into the atmosphere. It didn’t take long for them to feel the buffeting of high-speed winds. As they descended lower, the visibility decreased to almost zero due to the rain and vapor lashing their viewport. Ben kept a firm hold of the ship, keeping them on a steady course towards the point on the chart where the refinery was supposed to be located. 

 

“We’re nearing the surface,” Rey said, almost shouting to be heard over the pounding of the storm as she watched the altimeter tick down. 

 

“Got it,” Ben said. He reached out with his senses, relaxing into the Force to guide him through the storm. Still, he was taken aback by how rapidly the first rock loomed up before them. 

 

“Ben!” Rey shouted.

 

He smoothly bent their course to avoid the pillar of stone, breaking his intense focus to throw her a smirk. 

 

“There’s no need to cut it so close,” she snapped. Ben knew she would stake her life on his skill as a pilot, but there was always something unnerving about not being the one in control. 

 

Soon they were weaving through canyons and under arches that Ben maneuvered with relative ease despite the adverse conditions while Rey fed him updates on their position. 

 

“We’re getting close to the location of the secondary landing pad,” she said. The primary one had been blown up in the Rebels’ attack years ago, but the old schematics Luke had found showed a smaller landing pad nestled in the side of the base, and that’s what he was aiming for now. 

 

“Alright, let’s bring her in.”

 

The  _Grey Kestrel_ swung around a curve of rock to where the landing pad was. Or what was left of it. Ben swore. 

 

“Where is it?” Rey said, eyes straining to make out anything in the gloom. 

 

“Landslide. See there?” Ben pointed, then swore again, placing his hand back on the controls as the ship listed away from a gust of wind. 

 

“No,” Rey groaned, and he felt the disappointment flooding through her. If they had to turn back now, they’d have to wait to find another source for the kyber she needed to complete her lightsaber. Ben decided they had to make this work. 

 

“I’m taking us down.”

 

“What?” she sputtered. “Where?”

 

“The canyon floor.”

Ben kept a firm expression that brooked no arguments. He heard Rey grumble as she began to prime the landing sequence, but he caught the sparkle of excitement in her eyes when he glanced over. He checked the scanners for a space large enough to bring them down, but Rey beat him to it.

 

“How about there?”

 

Ben shifted them towards the place she had indicated. The ship settled lower, landing gear ready, when the wind whipped against them, shoving them sideways. Ben counteracted the sudden movement as they touched down, but not before there was a shriek and groan of metal. The lights went out for a moment then flickered back to life when the auxiliary power kicked on. 

 

A moment later, Silyana stuck her head in the cockpit. “That did  _not_  sound good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello fellow nerds! 
> 
> So I realized this weekend that I hadn't seen TFA since TLJ came out, and I had to remedy that situation... and wow. Let me tell you, gifs and meta on tumblr do not make a good substitute for the real deal. How can Reylo not be endgame? Please JJ, finish what you started! 
> 
> Anyway, if you are enjoying my fic, please take a moment to leave a kudos or comment, or share with a fellow Reylo! Also I'm on tumblr so come find me! [a-nerd-obsessed](https://a-nerd-obsessed.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Update in two weeks :)


	10. Chapter the Tenth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [tumblr](https://a-nerd-obsessed.tumblr.com/)! :)

Before this trip, Rey thought she loved the rain. 

 

If anything came from the sky in Jakku, it was dust brought in by the X’us’R’iia storming across the dunes, powerful enough to scour the skin from her body and force its way down her throat. 

 

Her first rain had been on Chandrila, a month or so after Luke had taken her from Jakku. Ben had been babysitting her again, which mostly involved him reading while she sat on the living room floor watching holoshows. She’d been enthralled by the screen when a pattering on the window drew her attention away. 

 

“Is that rain?”

 

Ben had glanced up, a wrinkle between his eyebrows. “Yes.”

 

“Can I see it?”

 

He’d held back a little sigh as he’d put down his book. “Sure.”

 

He’d slid open the door to the apartment’s balcony and gestured for her to go through. Rey had stood just inside, breathing in the fresh, clean scent of the rain shower, watching it run in rivulets down the glass. She reached her hand out and caught the raindrops in her hand before letting them run through her fingers. Ben had watched, his eyes softening. 

 

“Come on,” he’d said. “I’ll go with you.”

 

Taking her hand, he’d stepped outside and they’d been drenched within seconds. He chuckled when she gasped at the sensation, her face turned up to let the rain wash over her. Soon she had been laughing, twirling in the warm summer shower. 

 

Rey tried to remember the joy of that memory as she climbed up the cliffside on Eadu, soaked through and chilled to the bone, water running into her eyes. 

 

It had been a day since they’d landed —  _crashed_ , according to Silyana — and after they’d gotten a signal through to Alaris Prime to let them know their status, the group had decided to go out and explore. 

 

The power core had been an easy fix; Rey found the coupling that had been knocked out of alignment right away and quickly set it right. The damage to the aft sublight thruster was a little more severe and would require a replacement for the cracked valve control before it would function properly. Luke had said that he would send someone as soon as possible, but it might be some time because most of the Order had taken the  _Hope Awake_  to the inauguration of the Senatorial Complex on Hosnia Prime. Rey wasn’t worried. Thanks to Lalae’s overpacking they had plenty of provisions to last them for a while. 

 

Rey gritted her teeth as she felt for another handhold. The cliff face was much more treacherous than the wroshyr trees she was used to climbing. The rock was slick from the rain pouring down from above, making progress painstakingly slow. Her arms burned. 

 

“How much further?”

 

Rey just caught the words that Silyana shouted at her before the wind tore them away. She looked up, blinking water from her eyes as she tried to gauge the distance. She could just make out the edge of the primary landing pad, twisted and jagged metal from where it had been damaged by energy blasts and explosions. 

 

“Close,” she yelled back. Below her, the other Jedi were clinging to the rock, grappling hooks jammed into crevices to keep them from falling into the void. 

 

Rey scrambled the last few meters to the top, then waited for the rest to climb up, offering a hand to heave them over. Silyana hopped up immediately, skating on the slick metal, while Lalae pulled herself up and laid on her back, letting the rain drench her. Zarr seemed indifferent to the downpour, looking around curiously before wandering over towards the crumbling cliff face after Silyana. Ben was last, his face creased into its usual scowl except slightly wetter and more irritated. He ran a hand down his face and flicked the water off his hand. She wanted to laugh at his expression, but he glared at her and she worked her mouth into a straight line. 

 

“Alright,” he shouted. “Let’s find a way into this thing.”

 

“Over there,” Silyana yelled. 

 

Ben, Lalae, and Rey turned towards where the apprentice pointed to a fissure in the wall of rubble blocking the entrance to the base. Silyana went first, stepping over metal girders and jumping holes in the grating beneath her feet, and the others followed gingerly, testing the rusting platform as they went. Once inside, Rey and Lalae pulled out their disc-shaped glowlamps to light the way. 

 

The air was damp and musty but the floor was dry. The odd shadows cast by the glowlamps revealed a shattered tunnel, littered with rubble and scored with blast marks. Their breaths seemed magnified in the thick darkness.

 

“Further in,” Ben said, taking the lead from Silyana. 

 

Soon they passed what was once the security gate, then several branches split off, most leading to collapsed tunnels. Ben started down the one that looked the least damaged with a quiet admonishment to stay close. Rey noticed the firm set to his jaw in the dim lighting and relaxed. She liked seeing this side of Ben — confident and sure, on a mission. 

 

After they had walked a while, Rey heard the echoes of their footsteps change as they reached a larger space. The tunnel opened into what she could only assume was the main chamber of the refinery. Or at least, what she assumed had been the main chamber at some point. 

 

Rainwater poured in through a gaping hole where the roof had once been, creating a dim twilight. The glowlamps’ auras glinted off the wet floor through a sheen of dust and debris as the Jedi took in the damage. Rey could imagine the shine of the polished panels when Imperial officers and scientists had walked across it in equally shiny boots. All that remained of the refinery equipment was shredded metal and collapsed structural supports. Rey’s eyes wandered over the wreckage strewn over the vast area.

 

“It looks like the refined kyber stored here magnified the explosion from the Rebels’ attack,” Ben observed. “I don’t know that we’ll find anything.”

 

“Might as well look around though, right?” Silyana said, already walking out into the debris field.

 

“Careful!” Lalae said.

 

Silyana didn’t turn around to respond. “I grew up in a wreck, alright? I know how to watch my step.” 

 

Lalae sighed, pulling up her hood before following Silyana into the rain, the others not far behind. Soon they had spread out, scouring the ground for some sign of kyber that had not been obliterated by the explosion.  Rey fought the sinking feeling that this trip had been a waste, and now they would be stuck biding their time on Eadu until someone could come to fix the  _Kestrel_. 

 

“What exactly are we looking for?” 

 

Zarr had come up next to Rey and was scanning the ground with his glowlamp.  She turned to face him, blinking at the light in his hand. Her boots lost traction on the slick floor for a moment before she caught herself, and he reached out to steady her. Rey smiled gratefully before answering his question.

 

“I’m not sure. We don’t know exactly what process the Empire was using to refine the crystals, or what state they were in when the Rebels attacked. It seems like the explosions destabilized the kyber in these chambers, setting off a chain reaction, so we probably won’t find any untouched crystals just lying around.” She briefly closed her eyes, reaching out with her feelings. “I can’t sense anything either. We should be able to sense the kyber.”

 

“I already tried that,” Zarr admitted. “I wasn’t sure if it was just me, though.”

 

Rey glanced at the Falleen, wrinkling her brow. “You shouldn’t doubt yourself like that.”

 

“That’s what Master Luke says.”

 

 “You should trust him,” she said.

 

“I know,” Zarr said.

 

 _If only it’s that simple,_ Rey added to herself, shoving away her feeling of hypocrisy. It wasn’t like she shared everything with their master either. 

 

“Anyway, look for storage cylinders. They kept the kyber stable for transport, but the insulation makes it difficult to sense them through the Force. But it’s our best chance for pure kyber,”she said.

 

Zarr nodded and continued to sweep his glowlamp back and forth. They had almost come up to the edge of the massive chamber where the fractured support columns still stood against the wall, disappearing upward into the rain. Heaps of rubble and charred stone sat at its base. Zarr kicked at the debris, starting a miniature landslide, burying the toe of his boot and giving Rey an idea.

 

“Hey, maybe something was buried under here and protected from the explosion,” she said, moving forward. “Help me dig.”

 

Zarr looked dubiously at the mound that sat taller than both of them combined. “You want to dig through all of that? What if there’s nothing in there?”

 

“Then you’ll have had a lot of practice with telekinesis. Come on!” She walked closer, just to the edge of the mound before attempting to reach out with the Force and move some of the gravel. It was more difficult than she anticipated, the many disparate pieces requiring all her focus. 

 

“A little help?” she said through gritted teeth.

 

“Uh, Rey?” 

 

She was so lost in concentration that she almost didn’t see the avalanche she had created until it was too late. Zarr yanked her out of the way as debris rushed towards them. Jagged boulders and grinding pebbles crashed past as they stumbled back. 

 

After the last stone had rumbled to a stop across the floor, Rey said, “Ok, so maybe that was a bad idea.”

“Rey! Zarr!” Lalae called out to them. The other Jedi had come running at the commotion and stood on the other side of the new hill Rey had inadvertently created between them and the rest of the chamber. “Are you alright?”

 

“We’re fine,” Rey yelled back.

 

“Get over here. Now!” Ben shouted. Rey winced. The fury in his voice was almost enough to start another landslide. Ben was probably going to kill her for being so stupid. 

 

The two apprentices quickly started over the mound of debris, and that’s when the floor creaked and popped, echoing ominously, the rubble under Rey’s boots shivering. She looked up and swore she could see the whites of Ben’s eyes even in the dim light. He threw out his hands, grasping at her with tendrils of the Force. But she was already plunging down into darkness with a torrent of stone, a scream ringing in her ears.

 

~---~

 

When Rey opened her eyes, she wasn’t sure if she actually had opened them. She blinked a few times, but it was completely dark either way. She started to move and nearly shouted from the hot pain flaring from where she assumed her foot was. The rest of her body added their complaints too and she groaned. Everything ached, including her head, making it hard to think straight. She took a breath before trying again, shifting her right arm to feel her surroundings, and immediately brushed up against cool stone. 

 

Rey was trapped. Everywhere she felt, the unyielding rock was within armlength, completely blocking her in. Her glowlamp and canteen had been lost in the fall, and she didn’t have room to reach the vibroblade tucked in her boot. Her throat closed off as a scream bubbled up, choking her. She wanted to thrash her way free, the darkness pressing down on her, the weight of the stone above seeming to crush her lungs. She sobbed, sending waves of dull pain through her limbs, and no one could hear her.

 

_Do not doubt yourself. You are more than this._

 

Rey startled, not sure if she had imagined the voice, but then he spoke again. 

 

_Do not rely on them. Alone, you have the potential to become more._

 

“Leave me alone,” she said to the darkness, fighting to raise a shield in her mind. She felt his amusement.

 

_Not until you choose to become what you were meant to be._

 

“I said,  _leave me alone!”_

 

The rocks shuddered and pebbles sprinkled down on her, forcing her to cover her face with her hands. The dark presence was gone, but she had the feeling that he had left of his own volition rather than as a result of her angry outburst. Rey laid still, focusing on her breathing until it evened out. Her fingers brushed over the cord tied around her wrist, stroking the pearl that Ben had given her, and she felt calmer. The voice’s words still echoed in her mind. She hated his intrusion, hated her weakness that had allowed him entrance, but she knew he was right about one thing: she was more than this.

 

Rey was a survivor, and she would not let the stone and the darkness overcome her.

 

And even now, she was not alone, not now. She pushed her awareness outwards, feeling the dead stones around her and the empty space between them, until she stumbled on light. In the darkness, a life burned. 

 

Rey prodded at it, recognizing the signature within the Force. Zarr, she surmised. He was faint, but she was sure he recognized her probe as she felt the shift in his thoughts. She moved on, going out even further. It took longer to find the others, a distant expression of distress almost beyond her reach.  Her awareness just brushed against their minds before she tumbled back into herself, her mind numb. She had found them, and she knew Ben was alive and well, a flare of anger in the web of the Force.  _Which means Ben’s going to kill me._

 

She didn’t know how long she’d been absent from herself, but the rumble of stones brought her back to the present. Suddenly, the roof of her tiny coffin was lifted and she felt damp air caress her cheek. Light brushed over her and she squinted. 

 

“Rey?”

 

“I’m here,” she said. There was some scrambling and then she saw Zarr peering at her, a glowlamp in his hand. There was a dark stain trickling down his forehead, but he was already reaching out to her. She sat up slowly, wincing. 

 

“Are you alright?”

 

“I’m alive,” she answered, taking his hand. She bit back a shriek as he lifted her to her feet, her ankle screaming in protest. 

 

“I can’t — ahh — can’t stand up.” Rey lowered herself back down. 

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

“I think I broke my ankle,” she said, feeling down her leg. The fabric of her leggings was sticky and her skin tender in places, but she wasn’t concerned with that now. “Shine the light on it?” Zarr obliged, shifting the glowlamp in his hand to focus on her leg. “Can you take off my boot, please?”

 

Zarr crouched next to her, careful not to dislodge any stones, before gently peeling off her footwear. “Ouch,” he said, taking in the swollen and discolored flesh that used to be her ankle. Rey bit her lip, the sight evidencing her initial diagnosis. 

 

“Do you know where the others are?” she asked, trying to distract herself. 

 

“No. I think we fell through the floor and then the rubble buried us in here. It’s a big space though so I can’t see where we are or if they fell too.”

 

“We have to go find them, but I’m going to have to heal it before I can walk.”

 

“Have you done that before?”

 

She shifted so that she was sitting up straighter then bent forward towards the injured joint, the rest of her scrapes and bruises protesting. “How’d you find me?”

 

“Uh, I used the Force to move the rubble until I found you.”

 

“And you couldn’t do that before, right?”

 

“Right.”

 

“You did it because you thought you had to — thank you, by the way — and now I need to do this. We do what we have to.”

 

As she finished speaking, her eyes slid shut as she sussed out the injury within the Force, feeling the broken bone and inflamed tissue. This was more complex than any injury she had treated previously, but she knew again that  _he_ was right — she did have the potential to be more. 

 

The warm tingle of healing that she was used to quickly turned painful as the bone realigned and began to knit itself back together. The intensity surprised her and she gave a sharp hiss as the sensitive flesh around the joint flared in protest, stopping her when tears pricked at her eyes. 

 

“Are you alright?” Zarr asked. 

 

“I’m fine.” She reached forward again, determined to finish what she’d started, despite the pain. 

 

_Pain is not the enemy. It is a tool._

 

“Switch off.”

 

“What?”

 

“Nothing,” she muttered, bracing herself for another attempt. This time she was ready, even as the pain rose and crashed over her in a wave. She fought to stay focused, trying to let go, to submerge herself in the Light for the healing she had been told was there. She knew it in theory, of course, but this was much more difficult than the dislocated shoulders or scraped shins she had healed previously. And if she did this incorrectly, she could be worse off than before. Her skin broke out in a sweat despite the chill in the air.  _It shouldn’t hurt like this, should it?_

 

_Use the pain. So much pain... do not let it go to waste._

 

Rey groaned and she was dimly aware of Zarr putting a hand on her shoulder, speaking to her. Her injury felt like someone had taken a hot stake and driven it into her ankle.

 

_Bend it to your will, make it yours._

 

“Go. Away.”

 

_Do not deny yourself. Choose to be more. More than your present... and your past._

 

Rey clenched her teeth, eyes squeezed shut. He was right, she had a choice to make, and it called to her. Something shifted inside her and suddenly cold relief bloomed in her injury. Rey gasped as the pain vanished, leaving a faint throb.

 

_Well done, Rey._

 

She shuddered.

 

“Rey, you alright? What was that?”

 

She wiggled her toes, avoiding looking at the Falleen. “I healed my ankle.”

 

“Yes, but you were muttering, and there was –”

 

“Help me stand?”

 

Soon she was standing, and although the joint was still swollen, it could support her weight. She tried to slip her boot back on, but had to cut the durafiber with the small blade still tucked in her other boot to make room for her puffy ankle. Silently they left her temporary prison and tentatively made their way down the pile of rubble to solid ground. The dark was still oppressive. 

 

“Are you alright?” she said, turning to Zarr. He shrugged. 

 

“Just a few bruises and cuts. I was fortunate.”

 

“Thank you,” she said again. 

 

“I wouldn’t have found you if you hadn’t found me first.”

 

Rey shrugged before turning her attention to their next task: finding the others. 

 

 _Ben is probably livid._ She imagined him storming about, berating the others for not keeping up with his long strides, frantically trying to search through all the corridors of the refinery complex, and she bit back another smile.  _It’s really not funny,_ she thought as her ankle gave a twinge. 

 

Rey stood still, trying to feel any air movement that would give a hint of an exit, but everything was still in the cave except for the drip of water. The air was heavy with the smell of mold, unlike above where wind and rain whipped the rock, scouring it clean of growth. 

 

“I woke up over there,” Zarr said, gesturing with the glowlamp into the darkness. “There’s nothing but a wall. Maybe we could start there and try to find a way out.”

 

It didn’t take them long to come up to the wall. It wasn’t nearly as tall as the walls of the space they had fallen from earlier. The ceiling was clearly visible, jagged with dripping stalactites. They began to walk alongside the gray stone as Rey brushed her fingertips over the slick surface, searching for an opening in the rock. 

 

Rey was exhausted. The aches and pains that had been muffled by her broken ankle started to make themselves known. Unlike the refinery chamber above, the ground was uneven and craggy, causing sparks of discomfort in her ankle. The damp and the cold sank in further, raising the hairs on her arms and sending shivers skittering over her skin. Even though he had fared much better in the fall, she could feel Zarr’s energy fading beside her. She knew they had to keep moving — her throat was dry and, short of licking the walls, neither of them had any water. Without a chrono, Rey didn’t know how long she’d been unconscious, but she was sure the others were frantic. She tried to tap into the Force for stamina, but her mind was fuzzy with fatigue.

 

Her feet had begun to drag a while ago, so the object hidden among the stalagmites tripped her easily, irritating her bad ankle. Rey shouted a curse before she could bite her tongue, catching herself on a stalagmite.

 

“What happened?” Zarr was beside her, shining his light on the ground.

 

“I tripped,” she said, looking around  for the belligerent object, then gasped.

 

“Is that...?”

 

“Yes,” she breathed, reaching down to set the cylinder upright. Now that she recognized it, she could sense the muffled hum in the Force. Carefully, she twisted the lid, allowing a hiss to escape as the locking mechanism released. She pulled, unsheathing the inner container.

 

It was kyber. Dozens of untouched crystals, glowing and thrumming. The two apprentices stood frozen in awe, bruises and thirst forgotten. Rey reached out a finger to brush over the facet of one of the crystals and the kyber flickered in response. It felt like music in the Force, the kyber creating a silent melody that was felt rather than heard. Zarr gasped, but to Rey, it didn’t feel quite right.

 

“Here.” She handed him the container, which he accepted wordlessly. She turned away, further into the darkness apart from the light of Zarr's glowlamp. Her eyes picked out the gleam of more metal cylinders among the stalagmites, and she made her way among them, stepping over them silently. Slowly, she crouched next to one of them, the serial number stamped on its side the only thing distinguishing it from the others. This container hissed as it opened too, although this time the kyber spilled out on the cave floor. 

 

Rey didn't hesitate, but called the one with the strongest song into her hand. She let it hover above her palm, closing her eyes to better feel its music. This felt right, the crystal in complete harmony with her, not glossing over her edges and faults, but accentuating them, revealing their potential. She felt at peace with herself.

 

“Rey!”

 

The kyber dropped into her palm and she tucked it into a pouch under her robe she had brought for that purpose before turning to see three distinct lights bobbing in the dark.

 

“Ben?” she called back.

 

“Rey!”

 

He was running now, weaving through the pillars of stone. She knew he had to be furious with her . She braced herself, certain she was about to receive the worst tongue lashing of her life.

 

“Ben, I – “

 

He stopped abruptly in front of her, then pulled her roughly into a hug. She froze for a second, surprised, before relaxing and wrapping her arms around him in return. He was warm, keeping the damp cool air away. She shivered.

 

“I thought you didn’t like hugs,” she said, the words muffled against his chest. He grunted and pulled back, keeping his hands on her shoulders.

 

“Are you hurt? Are you alright?” He looked her over, running his hands down her arms, feeling for injury. He paused when he came to the bracelet on her wrist, slowly rubbing his thumb over it, before returning his grip to her shoulders. 

 

“I’m fine. Just a little banged up.”

 

“Are you sure? Stars, Rey, I was so scared, you don’t even know – “

 

“Ben, I’m fine, alright?” Rey watched as Lalae went over to Zarr, probably asking him the same questions Ben was asking her. Silyana was already wandering through the kyber crystal containers, her eyes gleeful.

 

“Rey,” Ben said, his voice lower, “he spoke to you, didn’t he?”

 

She looked up into his intense gaze. Of course Ben would have sensed him. “Yes.”

 

“I’ll ask again: are you alright?”

 

“Yes,” she said, imploring him with her eyes to believe her, even as she felt a trickle of doubt herself. “I’m fine. My ankle was broken, and I had to heal it, but I can walk now. And look, I found my crystal.” 

 

She pulled it out for his inspection and he looked over the kyber resting in her palm. 

 

“It’s beautiful, Rey.” She started to smile, but he continued. “Are you sure this is the one? That he isn’t influencing you somehow?”

 

She snatched it back. “No, this choice was mine. This crystal called to me.”

 

“You have to be careful, Rey. The others, they can’t know.”

 

“I know, Ben. You’ve told me before.” She touched his arm. “I’m fine, alright? Please stop worrying about me.”

 

“We ready to head back?” Silyana tossed a crystal in the air and deftly caught it before slipping it into her pocket. “We actually passed a hangar with some old Imperial craft in there on our way down here. Rey, maybe you could scavenge up the part we need for the  _Kestrel_?”

 

Rey agreed, and after she and Zarr had quenched their thirst from the others’ canteens, the Jedi started making their way out of the cave. It didn’t take them long to arrive at a sloping tunnel leading upwards. The hangar Silyana mentioned was only a few levels above the cave, and Rey made quick work of finding the valve control they needed for the sublight thruster, stripping it from a  _Zeta_ -class shuttle.

 

“That was easy,” Zarr said. “How can things go so wrong and so right in the same day?” 

 

“That’s unusual,” Silyana said. “Usually they tend to just go wrong.”

 

Rey heard Lalae’s disgruntled huff that Silyana blithely ignored and failed to keep back a snicker.

 

“Let’s keep going,” Ben said, already on his way out. 

 

Try as she might, Rey couldn’t help but fall behind due to her exhaustion. Even Zarr seemed to be doing better than her, adding to her frustration. The temperamental ache in her ankle didn’t help either; if she stepped on it the wrong way, it would flare up indignantly and she’d have to bite her lip to keep from cursing again, although she couldn’t help the hiss that slipped out. The third time it happened, Rey was startled when Ben turned back and scooped her up in his arms.

 

“Hey!” she protested. “Put me down! I can walk on my own!”

 

“You’re going to hurt yourself again if you don’t let the swelling go down, which it won’t if you keep walking on it. Besides, you’re holding us up.”

 

She wanted to keep being angry, but found she was too tired. 

 

“You can’t protect me, Ben,” she said, pressing closer into his warmth, breathing in his familiar scent. It smelled like ink and grassy fields and like that first rain in the summer. “I can take care of myself.”

 

“I know,” he said, tightening his grip. “But that doesn’t mean you should have to.”

 

~---~

 

Rey sat on the floor in her quarters, a woven mat of soft grasses underneath her crossed legs. Outside the sun was high, breaking in through her window with intense light. Before her was laid out the components of her lightsaber, the kyber resting in the palm of her hand. Her eyes were closed, but her mind was alive with a music only she could hear. One by one, the pieces rose into the air above her, coming together in a fixed constellation. Last of all, the crystal floated up from her hand, surrounded by the unfinished hilt. With the ease of a hand sliding into a well-worn glove, the hilt encased the kyber and dropped into her hand.

 

After a moment, Rey blinked, opening her eyes. It had gotten dark outside. Her body trembled with eagerness. Slowly, she stood, grasping the lightsaber hilt in both hands. Her breathing sped up as she activated her new blade. Suddenly the dim room was filled with a powerful hum. Dark blue leapt from her hand, rich and deep and edged in sapphire, like the divide in the sky between night and day just after the sun has set.She smiled. This was  _hers_.

 

Then she switched off the lightsaber, plunging into darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that may be the fluffiest chapter I've written (definitely the longest). Which is kind of pathetic considering it's not that fluffy and it took us ten chapters to get here, but hopefully some of you think it's worth it! I enjoyed writing it for sure :)
> 
> Talking about enjoying writing... guys, the next few chapters are some of my favorites and I can't wait to share them with you, but I need to make sure they are as perfect as they can get. THINGS ARE HAPPENING!!! 
> 
> I'll update again in two weeks. In the meantime, please leave a kudos and comment or drop me a line on [tumblr](https://a-nerd-obsessed.tumblr.com/)... it means the world!


	11. Chapter the Eleventh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to [angstywriterangst](https://angstywriterangst.tumblr.com/) for being the best beta a girl could ask for
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](https://a-nerd-obsessed.tumblr.com/) :)

Ben Solo sat at the bar in a shabby cantina, listening to the loud sounds of the conversing Devaronians around him. The drone of the holoscreen overhead showing reruns of a drama serial blended with the ceaseless hum of insects around them.  He swirled the amber liquor in his glass, the sharp scent stinging his nostrils, trying to decide if he wanted to finish it. The warm, humid climate made him feel lethargic and apathetic, and he was grateful that the day cycle on Devaron was shorter than average: it meant he could get back to his bunk sooner.    


He shifted in his seat. There were eyes on him, he knew. He and his uncle had arrived a few days ago, and while they hadn’t announced their arrival in Tikaroo, they hadn’t tried to hide it either. People recognized Luke Skywalker just about anywhere. That and Ben was taller than the average human, so it made it nearly impossible to blend in even on his own. To top it all off, Jedi tended to stick out like sore thumbs. Ben hated it. At least this was the first time he’d been on a mission that wasn’t under the Senate’s orders since the trip to Eadu a year ago.

  

A particularly rowdy crowd in the back of the room exploded in uproarious laughter, and Ben downed the rest of his drink, grimacing at the burn.  

 

“Another one?” the bartender asked. The Devaronian male grinned, reaching under the bar for the bottle he had stashed there earlier.   


“No, thank you.” Ben transferred the credits he owed and stalked out of the bar. The air outside was only slightly less stifling than the air inside, but the sun made up for the difference by beating down unrelentingly. A happabore trundled down the dirt road in front of the cantina, the load on its back almost as large as it was. Its owner shouted at it in Devaronese, prodding it forward. He doubted even Rey, with her exuberant wanderlust, would find this planet to be an enjoyable destination, although he admitted to himself that her presence alone could brighten any place. Tikaroo was not a bustling metropolis, but it had defined business, commercial, and residential districts, as well as a decent sized spaceport. He headed to the latter now, hoping that Luke had gotten back from his meeting. It was about time they made progress on what they had come to do. 

 

“Ben!” 

 

He turned, frowning. He’d thought that maybe the aura of deterrence he’d been casting for the blood-thirsty insects buzzing about might work on sentients too, but apparently not. His uncle approached with a red-skinned Devaronian female at his side.  

 

“Uncle.” 

 

“This is my old friend, Farnay. Farnay, Ben.” 

 

Ben nodded in response to her smile. 

 

“She’s offered to take us to the Temple of Eedit tomorrow.” 

“Yes, it’s been a few years since I’ve been out that way, so I’m not sure what’s left of the Temple or if anyone’s been out there recently, but I’d love to help with your search,” Farnay said.

“Thank you, Farnay. You’ve always been willing to help out this sad excuse for a Jedi,” Luke said, gesturing at his brown robes with a self-deprecating grin, “even when he got himself stranded here a few decades ago.”   

She laughed graciously at his bad attempt at humor while Ben cringed inwardly.

“Well, you’re the best I know,” Farnay smiled fondly, “and you did save my life once, so I suppose I owe you something. It’s not like people ever just do nice things because they can.” 

“Yes, that would be too simple,” Luke said, nodding in exaggerated agreement.

Ben wondered if the heat could conveniently just melt him away. Despite his years as the head of the new Jedi Order, his uncle never failed to turn into a nineteen-year-old country boy when he was around old friends.  

“Would you like to join me for a meal?” Farnay asked. “I’m certain my family wouldn’t mind.” 

 

Ben had already resigned himself long evening of socializing with strangers the second before Luke accepted Farnay’s invitation. It would be a while longer before he got back to his bunk.  

 

~---~

 

The Temple of Eedit was a ruin even though it was only a few decades old. The voracious jungle had been quick to reclaim it since the Empire had blown it to pieces in an orbital bombardment, with thick vines snaking over the crumbled walls and fibrous trunks pushing roots into the cracked foundation. Tangled growth covered most of grounds, and the road that lead from Tikaroo that had once been wide and smooth was lost in the greenery.  

The three sentients stood under an arch created by the native flora, surveying the remains. A flock of gold-feathered birds darted across the honey-hued sky overhead. Ben doubted that they’d find any hidden Jedi knowledge in the wreckage, but he kept his thoughts to himself. Luke had never stopped his quest to reassemble the lost wisdom of the old Order, but he had often been forced to put his search on hold to focus on the Academy. What they had now was the result of many years of painstaking and often unfruitful labor, but Ben failed to share his uncle’s enthusiasm for the old Jedi.  Luke, however, had a naturally optimistic outlook unlike Ben, and tended to view the old Jedi Order with nostalgia. Despite the fact that Ben enjoyed historical studies, he held that the old Order had failed for a reason. 

Luke had been to the Temple on Devaron a few times previously, and it was here that he had rediscovered the Djem So form of lightsaber combat. He had planned this trip in hopes of discovering something else that had been overlooked to add to their small collection at the Academy. 

“I’ll return in enough time to take you back before sunset,” Farnay said, pushing her dust-colored hair back before settling her hands on her hips. “Will you be alright?” 

“Thank you, Farnay,” Luke replied, bouncing on his heels. “We’ll be fine.”  

Luke moved forward first, startling a family of pikhrons that lumbered away from the ruin further into the jungle. Ben followed more slowly, his boots kicking rocks out of the way. Shattered stairs lead up to the pair of doorposts that still stood guarding the Temple. The foundation of the main tower was conjoined with the smaller, second tower, both of which were mostly buried under debris. Luke stopped between the doorposts, taking in the wreckage laid out before them as Ben came to stand behind him, arms crossed.  

“Depressing, isn’t it?” Luke sighed. “Sometimes I feel like this is all we have: scraps and ruins. Rebuilding seems impossible.” 

Ben was silent. He'd rather build something new of his own making then uncover the burdens of the past. 

_Do not discard your past. It is the strength you need to become more._  

_Not what I meant,_  Ben snapped back. He had the impression of a withered lip curling in amusement.  

“Sorry,” Luke continued, shaking his head. “You don’t need to hear all my troubles. I wanted to bring you here for something else.” 

They made their way over heaps of rubble, littering with the decaying and burnt remnants of so many lives: a rusting training remote, a moldering shoe. Together, they entered the courtyard beside the ruined towers, which was relatively untouched. Ben could feel it before they got there, the feeling that had been steadily growing as they approached Eedit. 

“A vergence,” Luke sighed as soft warmth washed over them. “It’s why the Temple was built on this site. The Light is strong here, useful for training up many Force-sensitives in the ways of the Jedi.” 

Strong was an understatement. At first, Ben felt almost nauseous, something clawing at his gut, slipping over his skin as though it were being torn away. He shuddered at the sensation, but then it was gone and he could breathe again.  

“It helps to ease away those things that belong to the Dark Side.” Luke’s words were soft, and Ben saw his eyes slip closed for a moment.

He frowned as the warmth crept into the cracks of his mind, but then he noticed the voice’s presence was completely absent.  

It had been so long since he’d been without that presence hovering over him, he felt oddly lost without it, like he might float away. In his place, Ben thought he could sense other, kinder spirits, watching him across the years, but they didn’t make themselves known and he was grateful. He wanted to be alone. He stiffened, turning slightly away from his uncle.  

“I know my little projects have put a lot of the burden and stress on you,” Luke smiled ruefully into the distance. “I wanted to thank you for believing in my dream. I really appreciate it.”  

Silence fell between them. Ben wasn’t sure what Luke was expecting from him in that moment, so instead he kicked a rock, causing it to skitter across the courtyard.  

“Well, we should probably get looking before we boil to death in this humidity,” Luke sighed. He turned back to Ben, as if to say something, then continued trudging over the vines and debris.  

They spent most of the morning and the early afternoon searching the grounds. Despite the calming influence of the vergence, Ben could sense his uncle’s mounting disappointment as he started muttering under his breath. Anything written on flimsy had been burned up in the Imperial bombardment or rotted away in the steaming air. The terminals they found were nothing but shattered metal and melted wire, all the data they contained lost. Inspections of the auxiliary structures were similarly unproductive. After Luke spent a good minute wringing the sweat out of his kerchief, they decided to take a late lunch in the courtyard, breaking open their nutritive bars and sipping from their canteens that were dripping with condensation.  

Luke seemed subdued, chewing slowly in silence, a slight wrinkle in his brow. Ben swept his gaze around the ruin at the encroaching jungle. He still felt odd sitting next to the vergence, the overwhelming Light leaving him feeling simultaneously peaceful and unbalanced. He leaned back against a block of stone, closing his eyes. Behind his eyelids, he could see impressions left by the many Force-sensitives that had visited this spot: the Devaronians who were drawn here like moths to a flame when it was still just an untamed part of the jungle, the Jedi padawans who practiced their forms when the Temple was first built, the oblivious clone troopers who were confused by the pull they felt here when they guarded the Old Republic station.  

“Master Yoda said that we are luminous,” Luke said. “Even when we’re gone, we leave an afterglow. Some brighter than others. Or darker, depending on how you look at it.” 

Ben opened his eyes a slit to look at his uncle. He wasn’t usually so introspective.  _Must be the influence of the vergence_ _._

“Skywalkers are bright, brighter than most, whether we like it or not.” Luke stared out into the jungle. “I want you to know that. To prepare you for that burden, to know that it’s yours. Your mother handled it the best out of all of us. She recognized her duty to the galaxy and has lived her life in its service.” 

“And you haven’t?” 

Luke gave a tired chuckle. “I have my faults. My sister – your mother – she, she is a much better person than I am.” 

“What about Anakin?” Ben asked carefully.  

Most of what he knew of his grandfather he had learned from history texts. He understood that his mother and uncle didn’t have much more knowledge beyond what was publicly known, as he had died in the Clone Wars before they were born and separated as infants. Still, he was fishing for some detail that had been left out before. The gifted Jedi Knight, a no one from the desert, who rose to fame on the battlefield only to be cut off in the height of his career. Ben wasn’t usually one to be intrigued by romanticized heroes, and he wouldn’t admit he made an exception for ones he was related to. 

 

“Anakin,” Luke said carefully, “did not use his potential wisely. It was his downfall.” 

 

Ben turned over Luke’s words in his mind. It wasn’t the first vague statement he’d gotten regarding his ancestor. 

 

“Skywalkers are not the only ones who burn brightly,” Luke continued. “I know you’ve felt Rey’s potential. It’s what led me to found the Academy, although I’m still not entirely sure of my motives for doing that.” He sighed. “Anyway, sorry. Not what I was trying to say. I’m worried. About her. That she could waste her potential like my father.”  

 

Ben sat up straight, his tunic stuck to his back with sweat. “Are you saying she’s going to get herself killed? She’s not stupid.” 

 

“No, not like that... just, she’s always had some dark tendencies that have never quite gone away, and with her history being so similar –” 

 

“What does this have to do with Anakin? You’re not making any sense.” 

 

Luke huffed. “Stop interrupting. Ben, you mean a lot to her. She admires you. Just be careful with her, alright?”    
  


“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

 

“Exactly what I said. Don’t be stupid.”  

Ben’s brain ran through a hundred different meanings trying to interpret what his uncle was saying, and a few of them made his ears warm. 

“Was this whole trip an excuse to get me alone to talk about Rey?” He thought about how he had initially wanted to invite her along, but Luke had vetoed that idea, saying that she needed to focus on her final studies before she received her knighthood.  

“Not entirely. I really was hoping to find something, but that was a spectacular failure.” 

"I think this conversation was too,” Ben said dryly.  

“Well, then, forget I said anything,” Luke said, finally seeming to share Ben’s discomfort with their talk. The silence stretched out long enough for both men to feel uncomfortable.  

 

“Well, Farnay isn’t here yet, but I think we should start heading back so we aren’t caught out here after sunset.” Luke squinted at the short distance between the sun and the treetops. 

 

They stood up and made their way across the ruined Temple, leaving the pulsing vergence behind. A few hundred meters down the road, Ben felt the unwelcome but familiar presence return, settling over him again with smug satisfaction, even though the voice didn’t speak. Ben scowled. The weight seemed heavier, thicker on his mind than before, probably due to its temporary absence. Still, Ben wasn’t sure if he preferred the involuntary peacefulness of the Light vergence to this.  _What is wrong with you?_

 

They continued on as the insects’ drone increased in proportion to the sun’s proximity to the horizon, causing the Jedi to quicken their pace.  

 

“I wonder what happened to Farnay,” Luke said as they came within sight of the outskirts of Tikaroo.  

 

“Why don’t you ask her,” Ben drawled, noticing the tiny figure hurrying through the dusk toward them. The Jedi halted as she came closer. Something about her manner unnerved Ben, even though she was still several meters away. When the Devaronian met them in the middle of the road, her agitated movements became more apparent.  

 

“Farnay, are you alright?” Luke asked, concerned. Ben also picked up the strong sense of fear and confusion that Luke sensed, but it was undefined. The weight on his mind settled lower, eagerly leaning over him.  

 

“I — I’m fine,” she said, taking a slight step back when Luke moved towards her. “No, please. Just —there’s something you need to see.” 

 

“What’s wrong, Farnay?” Luke said quietly.  

 

“You can’t go into the town. Not now.”   


“What happened?” 

 

“Here.”   


She pulled a datapad out of the satchel slung over her shoulder and handed it to Luke before taking a few steps back. Ben regarded her tense stance, trying to read the unstable energy swirling around her, but she avoided his eyes. He turned his attention to the screen in Luke’s grasp.  

It was news footage of the New Republic Senate’s last session. Ben’s annoyance grew as he watched Varish Vicly, one of his mother’s closest allies in the Senate, wax eloquent about all of Senator Organa’s selfless acts in service to the galaxy as if he hadn’t been reminded of them just a few hours ago by Luke. As much as he loathed the government, he could scarcely be unaware of the fact that his mother was one of the top candidates for the newly developed role of First Senator. Her political standing made her an obvious choice for the Populists and hard competition for whomever the Centrists tried to put forward for the position.  

Senator Vicly was winding down her speech, and the footage cut to an image of his mother, looking gracious and calm as always. Maybe Leia’s candidacy had been rejected, and that was why Farnay felt they needed to see this right away. But no, this news piece was a replay of the live footage, not a discussion segment in the aftermath. And Farnay was much too nervous, having inched even further away from them since they’d started watching.  

When Vicly nominated his mother for the First Senator, the Senate broke into applause, rising to their feet. After a good minute, the cheering subsided so that the moderator droid could continue, asking for any objections to the nomination.  

Ben was surprised when a young, handsome senator stumbled forward. He recognized Ransolm Casterfo vaguely, disgust curling in his gut. One of the Centrists’ darlings, Ben assumed the senator from Riosa was all show. Even now, his articulate words seemed to be an artifice to distract from the dark hollows under his eyes. 

 

“ _Her lies and deception have shielded her long enough._ ” Casterfo’s voice was stretched tight, his skin pale but his eyes burning. “ _If she is to be considered as the next leader of the Galaxy, the people have a right to know who they’re choosing to guide them._ ” 

 

Luke’s grip on the datapad tightened. Ben glanced up at his uncle before returning his attention to the screen. 

 

Casterfo looked almost insane, furious and shattered all at once as he spilled out his next words. “ _Leia Organa is the descendent of the worst scourge of our galaxy, Darth Vader himself!”_

 

~---~

 

The footage continued after that, showing the uproar in the Senate chamber, brief flashes of the faces of important figures as they digested the accusation, his mother’s white expression, the evidence that Ransolm Casterfo presented, but Ben saw none of it. The drone of the outraged voices from the datapad faded along with the hum of insects around them.   


“Ben.”   


Distantly, he thought that he should be feeling something, everything in this moment, but instead he felt nothing.   


“Ben!” 

 

He turned on his uncle. “Is it true?”   


“...Yes.”  

 

Ben strode away to the edge of the road, a thousand different implications bombarding his thoughts. He didn’t doubt the veracity of the Riosan senator’s words. It made too much sense; it felt right. He just wanted Luke to admit it.  Dimly, he heard Luke dismiss Farnay, thanking her for bringing them the news. 

 

“Ben, I’m sorry.” His uncle had come up behind him. 

 

“I’m sure you are,” he snarled, turning around. “For what? Lying to me? Or that I found out the truth?” 

 

“You were always supposed to know when the time was right.”   


“And when was that? I’m twenty-five. Maybe when I was thirty? Fifty? Or when I’m nine hundred years old like Master Yoda?”   


“It wasn’t my decision to make. It was your parents’.”   


“So you were not at all complicit in lying to me? To the galaxy?” Ben’s thoughts took a turn. “And what about Rey?” 

 

“What about her? She didn’t know –”   


“Does it matter if she didn't know? She does now. She knows that her mentor and her friend are related to _the most powerful Darksider in recent history_.”   


“Ben –”   


“No.” Ben took a step towards his uncle. “You didn’t speak for twenty-five years when you had the chance. It’s my turn to speak now.”   


Luke closed his mouth, backing away.   


“Just now, you told me that you were worried about her, about her Dark tendencies. You said you were worried that she might follow the same path that Anakin – that  _Darth Vader_  took. Did you even stop to think of what might happen to her if she grew up with his son and grandson? For all she knows, you planned this. She may even think I knew all along. You were not oblivious to my struggles, even if you did try to gloss them over. I’ve been trying to help her all these years, but what if I am the problem? What if  _she_ thinks I am the problem?” 

“The Dark Side is not genetic, Ben. We don’t get to choose who we’re related to, but we do get to choose our paths.” 

“Are you saying that I chose this Darkness? That I chose to hear the voice in my head? To have him watching over my shoulder, feeding me Dark thoughts?” 

“No, I –” 

“ _Silence_!”    


Ben found his hands gripping his uncle’s robes, trembling, and resisted the urge to shake the man. The Force hummed and crackled around him, his fury seeking an outlet. Suddenly he recalled the nightmares – or were they visions? – filled with fire and crackling red light, blood glistening on his hands. 

 

He thrust Luke away, turning and igniting his lightsaber in the same motion, slashing at the thick fibrous trunk of a vine next to the road. The sharp acrid smell of burnt plant growth stung his nose, and he fell to his knees. 

 

“Ben,” Luke said, laying a hand on his shoulder, but he wrenched away. 

 

“ _Don’t_. Touch me.” He stumbled to his feet, standing over Luke and disengaging his saber. “Leave me alone.” 

 

Ben lurched into the jungle. The dusk was complete under the thatch of vines, the orange sky fading to black above them. 

 

"Ben!” Luke called out, his voice cracking. 

 

“Don’t - don’t follow me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that was dramatic.
> 
> If you haven't read _Bloodline_ by Claudia Gray, do it now. It's a well-written novel with lots of badass Leia Organa and details about the time between Episode XI and XII. Also, Ransolm Casterfo is a total cinnamon roll; he's just in a bad place right now. 
> 
> Again, many thanks to AngstyWriter for betaing!
> 
> Please, please, please leave a comment and/or kudos to let me know what you think! Talk to me! I don't bite, unless you're threatening my space babies. Update in two weeks :)


	12. Chapter the Twelfth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my wonderful and amazing beta [AngstyWriter](https://angstywriterangst.tumblr.com/)!

Rey had been deep in her meditation when Lalae Halo bent down to touch her gently on the shoulder. Blinking, Rey opened her eyes to see the Togruta straighten in the dim lighting of the temple. She looked tired, eyes strained, brow furrowed, robes rumpled with travel, and a small boy clinging to her leg with grubby hands.  

 

“You’re back,” Rey stated, but her brow creased. Lalae and Tarith weren’t due back from Cantonica this soon, and not with a child in tow.   

 

“Tarith wants everyone to come now.” Her voice was urgent.  

 

“What happened? Is something wrong?” Rey asked. The boy, who couldn’t have been more than six years old, peeked out at Rey cautiously with wide brown eyes. She gave him a quick, hesitant smile and he ducked behind Lalae again, so Rey focused back on the knight. She wasn’t really comfortable with kids anyway.  

 

“Haven’t you heard?” Lalae brushed her hand over the boy’s dark locks fretfully. 

 

“I’m guessing no since I’m not sure what you’re talking about.”  

 

“Come.”  

 

Lalae tucked the boy into a spare bed while Rey waited, leaving R2-D2 to watch over him. The kid, who Lalae said was named Temiri, was exhausted and fell asleep almost immediately.  

 

“Tarith found him digging for scraps in the rubbish behind the casino. Tar felt his strong potential, and he was an orphan, so we couldn’t leave him. Even when we heard.”  

 

“Heard what?” Rey glanced at the boy, taking in his hollow cheeks and ragged clothing before focusing back on Lalae.  

 

Lalae’s Force signature was awash with distress, making Rey tingle with anxiety. “Come on, let’s find the others.”   

 

They went to the dining hall where everyone already sat tense around the table. Rey couldn’t escape the feeling of dread that clawed at her as Tarith turned on the holoscreen. Together, they watched the uncut footage of Senator Casterfo’s pronouncement. Once it had finished, silence fell over the shocked Jedi.  

 

“Is it true?” Zarr blurted, confusion wrinkling his brow. 

 

“We should contact Master Skywalker,” Ryl said, getting to her feet.  

 

Tarith interjected quickly,“I’ve already tried. There was no response from the  _Grey Kestrel_.”  

 

“They could be in danger,” Lalae said.  

 

“The son and grandson of Darth Vader? Hardly,” Tirian scoffed.  

 

“Tirian!” Tarith snapped.  

 

“What, brother? You doubt the good Senator? He may have looked like a madman, but he did not lack confirmation. You heard the words of the elder Senator Organa informing his daughter postmortem of her true heritage. And the truth could also be seen in her expression.”   

 

“We should wait for Master Skywalker to explain before we can judge truly,” Shul spoke up.

 

Silyana sat back, raising her eyebrows. “Are you ashamed that your master may be the spawn of a Sith lord? We have been taught by maybe the most powerful Force user alive today. You should be proud. It doesn’t matter where he comes from, so long as he teaches us how to use the Force.”  

 

“We are  _Jedi._ ” Ryl declared, brown eyes flashing,“We all belong to the Light.”.   

 

“Apparently not all of us,” Silyana snarked back, casually tossing her pale blonde braid over her shoulder.   

 

Suddenly Joerian stood up at the head of the table. “Shut up! All of you!”  He crossed his arms. “Shul is right. We have to wait for Master Skywalker and Solo to return. Once they hear the news, most likely they’ll come straight home. For now, we can all keep up our usual activities.”  

 

The group dispersed slowly, wandering out of the dining hall one by one. Rey was the last to leave, moving stiffly, half-dazed. She didn’t return to the temple. Instead she drifted towards the speeder shed on the other side of the hill, away from the others and the feeling of their dissonant emotions reverberating through the Force.   

 

Her first feeling was shock, her mind reeling with bewilderment. It seemed as if the whole world had fallen out from under her feet, just like on Eadu, and once again she was left alone and trapped. She slumped against the shed wall, dropping to the ground, the wooden planks scraping along her back.  _They lied. All of them._   

 

Her second feeling was betrayal, deep and aching. It hurt. The people she trusted most, who took her in, who raised her, had lied about who they were. Her whole life was built on betrayal: her parents had abandoned her when she needed them, leaving her lost and alone. She knew that now. They all kept the truth from her, robbing her of any choice in determining the course of her own life. She had been deceived and manipulated, again and again and again. Tears welled in her eyes.   

 

She looked up when she heard a chirp in binary. R2-D2, released from his babysitting duties, trundled towards her, letting out a mournful whistle.  

 

“Did you know?”   

 

He emitted a guilty beep.   

 

“Of course you did.” She picked up a pebble and chucked it far into the dry grass, hesitating before asking her next question. “Did — did Ben know?”  

 

The astromech chirped a negative, and she let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding.  _He didn’t know._ Then she moaned, and said aloud, “He didn’t know. Oh, no. No, no, no.”  

 

She leapt to her feet, ready to charge off and go to him, but —  

   


“Argh!” She kicked the wall behind her, causing R2 to squeal with indignation. Ben was off-world with Luke. They were probably already on their way back, but until the two contacted the Academy, she had no way of knowing where they were.  

 

 _His choice is clear. What is yours?_   

 

"His choice is not yet made,” she snarled to the air. “You leave him be!”  

 

 _You cannot change his mind. You only have your own choice to make. Choose to escape these lies, and become what you were meant to be._   

 

“Then fine! I’ll choose. Not you – I choose Ben!”   

 

Rey wasn’t sure, but she thought she felt the voice  _growl_. And then he was gone.  

 

Rey slumped to the ground in a heap, sobbing. She didn’t know what had happened, wasn’t sure what she’d meant by choosing Ben, but she knew it was the truth.    

 

“Please, Ben,” she whispered. “Hurry back.”  

 

~---~  

 

 _Thwap!_   

 

Her staff struck the dummy, causing it to wobble slightly. She spun to the side, landing a quick series of blows to its flank, her thighs and calves burning with fatigue, the staff hitting her ribs and bicep hard enough to bruise. She threw her staff to the ground and bent over, chest heaving, to scoop up her water bottle. She collapsed with her back on the floor of the training pavilion, sweat trickling into her hairline and down her sides. She was alone in the open structure except for the New Republic infantryman who stood in the corner watching her warily. When the unit had first arrived, she’d tried to greet them or at least acknowledge them in some way, but that had seemed to frighten them so she’d quickly given up. 

 

It had been a week since the news had broken, and there had been no word from the crew of the  _Grey Kestrel._ The next day, the New Republic Senate had stationed a unit at the Academy. To do what, no one could decide, unclear if they were supposed to be protecting the Jedi from vengeful malcontents or holding the Jedi in custody. Even the commanding officer, Captain Limpan, seemed unsure, apologizing with much discomfort and fear for intruding in their little community. There had been several rumors, each worse than the next. They were going to be sent home, disgraced and monitored. They were going to be questioned and evaluated by a team of experts for disturbing or violent tendencies. They were going to be locked up in a high-security facility equipped with ysalamiri to dampen their powers. The holonet was full of opinions, whipping up frenzied parties from all sides.  

 

The Skywalker siblings’ influential careers had left them with both loyal friends and relentless enemies, but despite everything, Senator Organa and her friends had practically built the New Republic after the fall of the Empire, and the worlds who had entered into the new government had staked their hope in her. Leia still held considerable sway in the government of the New Republic despite the seeds of doubt taking root, and she was not easily cowed.  Rey had seen the report that told of Leia’s appearance in support of Tai-Lin Garr at a rally to take her place as the Populists’ choice for First Senator, right before Garr was assassinated in front of thousands by an Imperial sympathizer. The Senate had promptly voted to put the selection of a First Senator on hold indefinitely. 

 

In the meantime, the New Jedi Order was left to deal with a reluctant occupying force. Some, like Shul, maintained a friendly disposition towards the soldiers, offering them the use of the culinary droid along with similar small gestures. Others did nothing to dissuade those who thought the Academy was a front for a Dark Side miasma. Silyana was in the leadership of this effort, glaring at every soldier she saw and passing them a little closer than was entirely necessary just so they would back away. When one of their guards had muttered something about the possibility of tracking bracelets, she had fixed her with such a withering stare that Rey thought the woman might faint. The memory of Silyana toying with them made Rey smirk, and she threw an arm over her face. It probably wouldn’t help anything if her guard reported her smiling maniacally at nothing. Mostly, though, the soldiers had kept a respectful distance, the mythos of the Jedi Order and Luke Skywalker that was rooted deep into the DNA of the galaxy keeping them from trying to impose anything on the knights and apprentices. Personally, Rey thought that was unwise, but she wasn’t going to argue if they let her walk around uninhibited and armed with her weapon. 

 

Rey shivered, the chilly breeze blowing in off the grassy plains cooling the sweat on her skin, reminding her that winter was almost here. Laying on her back, clutching the bottle to her chest, she closed her eyes as she breathed in the cold. Since the galaxy had learned the truth about the Skywalker bloodline, Rey had bounced around from feeling hurt, angry, confused, and lonely, often all within a few seconds. But every time, she circled back to fear – fear for Ben and what he might do.   

 

She could speculate what she might do, coming up with a few dozen scenarios, some of them more positive than others. But as close as she was to him, as much as they’d shared, she wasn’t Ben. She couldn’t read his mind. And that scared her.   

 

The rest of the Jedi Order had fragmented, each dealing with their emotions in their own way. Most had retreated to their quarters, only emerging to retrieve sustenance from the dining hall before disappearing again. Some, like Ryl, took long walks in the plains around the Academy, trailed, of course, by New Republic agents. Rey had been in the midst of her preparatory studies for knighthood, but now she wasn’t sure if there was a point in continuing. Everyone, Jedi and soldiers alike, were biding their time until someone could give them answers and direction.  

 

Rey had needed a more physical outlet for her anxiety, and over the past few years she had grown accustomed to pounding on Ben with a lightsaber for release. Unfortunately, his absence was the cause of most of her distress, and Rey didn’t trust she could keep herself in check with anyone else right now. The training remotes sitting in crates at the back of the pavilion would have allowed her to use her lightsaber, but she wanted to feel the reverberations running up her arms and shoulders, to pound out her fury into aching bruises on her arms and sides. Anyway, there was an unspoken understanding that for the sanity of the New Republic soldiers, lightsabers were off limits.  _Or are they?_  

 

Rey groaned and sat up, resting her forearms on her knees. This was already the third time she’d visited the training pavilion today. She dropped the water bottle before palming the hilt of her saber. Rey smiled slightly when she noticed the nervous reaction from the guard in the corner. He shuffled his feet, tightening his grip on his weapon.  _What does he think he can do to me anyway?_ she scoffed to herself. 

 

Ignoring him, Rey examined the saber hilt, rolling it back and forth in her hand. Then she was up, deep blue leaping from her grasp as she slashed outward, spinning in a circle, ending in a low crouch, watching the ghostly light flicker over the hard-packed dirt of the floor. Slowly, she turned to look, the ignited saber thrumming and casting strange shadows on the underside of the pavilion. The dummy, a simple tarp stuffed with dry straw, lay smoking in two pieces on the ground. The soldier had gone stock still, shock frozen on his face. 

 

She frowned. That wasn’t nearly as satisfying as Ben’s tantrums had led her to believe.  _Really, though,_  she thought,  _you’d have guessed the son of the Emperor’s right hand could afford better equipment for his school._  She watched the soldier fumbled for his commlink, her expression detached.  _Maybe they’ll finally decide to just arrest us_. The thought actually cheered her, and she smiled grimly. 

 

The distant roar of sublight thrusters interrupted the guard’s frantic words into the commlink. Both of them ran out from under the pavilion into the open air, although he skittered away when he noticed her next to him. As she disengaged her lightsaber, Rey craned her neck upwards to peer into the gray sky, squinting to distinguish the pale ship from the hovering ghost of the Alaris gas giant. It was the  _Grey Kestrel._   

 

Rey sprinted across the Academy grounds, leaving her guard behind, passing the temple, the dining hall, and the individual dwellings, skidding to a halt on the landing field at the bottom of the slope. The other Jedi, followed by the entire New Republic unit with weapons readied, appeared as the  _Kestrel_ descended. Even Temiri was there, perched on Lalae’s hip. The Jedi came to stand silent behind Rey. Even Captain Limpan, who pushed her way through the crowd that had formed, stood a distance back from her. She may not have been the highest ranked person present, but she had an unspoken seniority when it came to the Skywalker-Solo family.  

 

The grasses bent away from the ship as it landed, the force of the thrusters beating them flat, but Rey stood fast, even as tendrils of hair slipped free from their ties and whipped at her face. The  _Kestrel_  came to rest on the ground, the thrusters falling silent except for the occasional pop or creak as they cooled in the chilly air. The hatch decompressed with a hiss, opening to reveal a lone figure.  

 

Luke Skywalker stood at the top of the ramp, his posture weary and old. No one moved for a long time, but then he took the first step towards them, stopping when he was a few meters in front of Rey.  

 

“Where’s Ben?” Rey demanded stiffly. 

 

Luke’s expression was flat. “I don’t know.”  

 

“You don’t know,” she echoed, her voice thick. He merely shook his head. She tried to swallow the lump in her throat, nearly choking. “Do you have  _any_ idea what you’ve done to him? To me? To all of us?”  

 

He waited, his expression distant and resigned.  

 

“You  _deceived_  us. You thought you knew what was best for us!” She was shouting at Luke Skywalker, the head of the New Jedi Order, and she didn’t care. “You don’t know everything. You didn’t think of the cost!”   

 

“Rey,” Joerian said, placing a hand on her arm. She shook him off, taking a step forward, then another. The Jedi tensed their stances and soldiers fingered their weapons. 

 

“You don’t know what you’ve done. What you have created.  _This_  will be your legacy,  _Master Jedi_.”  

 

Luke finally reacted, flinching away from her advance to stumble and fall back. His face was lit with a chilling dark blue glow, and Rey realized the hilt in her hand, which she had never re-attached to her belt, was ignited again, blazing angrily in her grasp. Rey heard the sound of safeties being disengaged behind her. She lowered her gaze from the midnight plasma beam to Luke’s eyes, now hardened with distrust and outrage. Rey shifted back, turning to see the others watching the scene with expressions ranging from fright to awe. The captain moved forward with restraints in one hand, but Joerian put a hand out to stop her, reading the danger in Rey’s eyes. She had gone too far this time.  

 

Or maybe not far enough. She had made her choice, it was time to follow through.  

 

Abruptly she switched off the blade in her hand, walking through the crowd which fell back before her. She strode up the hill to her quarters where she hastily threw the necessities into her pack, then stormed back out without another glance.   

 

The scene at the landing pad hadn’t changed very much; Lalae and Shul had moved forward to help Luke up to his feet, and Captain Limpan was speaking to him while an orderly ran to the communications tower behind the dining hall. They were startled by her abrupt return, but Rey ignored them all, heading straight towards the T-65B X-wing. R2-D2 was already there next to the trio of soldiers guarding the Academy’s starcraft, somehow anticipating her plans before she even knew what she was doing. 

   
“Miss, I’m going to have ask you to turn around.” 

 

Rey stopped, bending the power welling up through her towards their minds. “You will disengage your weapon and leave the ships unguarded.” 

 

The officer who’d spoken to her relaxed his stance, his eyes unfocused. “I will disengage my weapon and leave the ships unguarded.” 

 

The three soldiers moved slowly, but Rey was already passing them, climbing over the side into the cockpit, flipping the ignition and priming the engines. Everything at the Academy was kept ready to go at a moment’s notice, so the fuel tank was filled and the thrusters hummed to life without hesitation.  

 

“Rey!” Joerian stood on the ground, a hand outstretched. The small object in his palm flew up and into her hand: a chip containing the code to a private comm channel.   

 

“May the Force be with you!” he shouted over the roar of the engines, stepping back. 

 

Behind him, soldiers were screaming at her, waving their arms and pointing their blasters in a futile attempt to stop her. Two of them grabbed Joerian and roughly pulled him away, although he made no attempt to resist, instead watching her as she prepared to leave. She paused, hand on the rim of the cockpit, ready to vault back down to the ground, but he shook his head. She nodded, giving him one last look before turning her attention back to the take-off sequence. A few of the soldiers ran towards her, signaling her to desist, but she had no plans of turning back now.  _Let them try to stop me,_ she snarled to herself. She untied her hair, combing it back into a half ponytail so she could jam the helmet on her head. “Artoo, are you ready?”   

 

The droid chirped his agreement, locked into position behind the cockpit. Rey lifted the ship up, turning it away from the temple before blasting up into the atmosphere. Briefly, her sight focused on her hands holding the controls, Ben’s bracelet tied around her wrist.  

 

“You can’t leave that easily, Ben.”  

 

~---~  

 

Rey sat tucked in a corner behind a table, her hood pulled low as she contemplated the drink in front of her. Although it wasn’t strictly forbidden, drinking wasn’t really encouraged at Luke’s academy. Peace was found through other means. But now that she had left she thought she might as well give it a try. She wasn’t quite eighteen yet, but each world had different ideas about the acceptable drinking age and of course here at Maz’s castle, the rules were a little looser. Taking a tentative sip, Rey made a face. She honestly had no idea what she’d ordered, but the sour astringent taste wasn’t nearly as pleasant as the fruity scent had led her to believe. Anyway, something about the rich amber liquid made her uneasy even as it sat innocuously in its glass. 

 

Pushing away her drink, Rey turned her attention back to the chaotic scene in front of her. Every species imaginable filled the stone walls, mingling and conducting business over the music of the band on stage and the cheers of the crowd watching the battlebots. The sights and sounds were almost overwhelming as her eyes roved from person to person, hoping for something that would stand out. 

 

She didn’t expect to find Ben here, but she had to start somewhere, and from what she’d heard of Takodana, it was a hive of information and connections waiting to be discovered. She’d thought of approaching Maz Kanata, the owner of the establishment, who reportedly knew everything and everyone, but she didn’t feel like charging up to her and demanding to know what had happened to Ben Solo. Rey had managed to slip in relatively unnoticed, landing the X-wing far out along the lakeshore, admonishing R2 to keep an eye on the ship before striking out for the castle. Once inside, she’d ordered a drink before retreating to her corner where she now sat, trying to listen in on her neighbors’ conversation.   

 

“The Amaxine warriors aren’t the only ones. There’s more of them, waiting for the right time,” a humanoid growled through the scarf that covered the lower half of his face. “And then there’s the kids that disappear.”  

 

“That’s just talk. The Republic found them out, yeah? They’ll take care of anyone else who thinks they’re the new Empire,” a Twi’lek with twin scars on his cheeks said.  

 

“Don’t be stupid. The Republic is a mess. Mark my words, that Vader scandal is going to be their downfall.”  

 

“You believe the senator that said Organa is Vader’s kid?”  

 

The mask scoffed. “No. That was just desperation to keep her out of power. But the damage’s done. The Senate’s more of a wreck than it’s ever been. When assassination didn’t work on Organa, they decided to just mess her up another way. Trust me, someone out there is very happy with the way things have turned out.”  

 

“You think they’ll find those Jedi that disappeared? Or whatever they are?” 

 

“I don’t know. It doesn’t matter to me.” 

 

“Yeah, not until one of those glow stick wielders is messing in your business for no good reason and there’s nobody to stop them.” 

 

“Sure, sure.” 

 

Rey turned back to where her hands fiddled with the glass in front of her. She heard of the unsuccessful assassination attempt of course – the Napkin Bombing as the media had coined it – prior to the one that took Tai-Lin Garr’s life. She was unfamiliar with the Amaxine warriors, but from context she determined that they must have been some secret military group. She didn’t doubt that there was more of them hiding from the New Republic, and she was certain they weren’t leaderless. There was always a bigger fish in the water, and she had a distinct feeling this one had been in her head for a long time. Even now there was something pressing on the edge of her mind, urgent whispers that had followed her ever since she’d landed on Takodana, but she pushed it away.   

 

She caught sight of Maz again, working her way through the crowd with discrete purpose. Rey decided she might as well go straight to the source; after all, she’d been here for several hours with nothing to show for it. She followed the diminutive proprietor with her eyes, but she disappeared around the bar and Rey berated herself for missing another opportunity to approach her.  

 

“Hey, kid.”  

 

Rey’s fingers were instantly on the lightsaber hilt hidden under her cloak.  

 

“Whoa, it’s just me,” Han Solo said, holding up his hands. He looked almost as surprised to find himself there as she was. “Could I sit down?”  

 

Rey nodded cautiously and he slid in across from her.  

 

“Just promise not to skewer me with that thing, alright?”  

 

“How’d you find me?”  

 

Han was looking everywhere but her face. “Maz is an old friend. She commed me a few hours ago to tell me you were here and I was in the area.”  

 

“Maz? She doesn’t even know who I am.”  

 

“You’d be surprised what she knows. Also you kind of look like a Jedi with the whole hood and cloak thing.” He gestured vaguely at her attire. 

 

Rey frowned, then slid her hood back.   

 

“You changed your hair,” Han blurted.   

 

“Uh, yeah,” Rey said, running a hand over the back of her head.  

 

“Looks good.”  

 

Rey fiddled with her glass as an awkward silence grew at their table.  

 

Han cleared his throat.  “If you’re wondering, Leia heard that you’d left the Academy, and Leia told me.” Another pause. “I know you’re probably still kinda mad about… well, probably all of it.”  

 

He still avoided her gaze, settling instead on the drink in her hand.  

 

“Could I?” He pointed at the glass. Rey pushed it towards him and he downed its contents. He sighed.  “You’re too young for that stuff anyway.” 

 

She pursed her lips and sat back against the bench, wondering when Han would get to the point. She was anxious and tired, and she could feel hot tears pricking at the back of her eyes.   

 

“So, uh, you’re looking for Ben, huh?”  

 

She nodded again, not trusting herself to respond without some kind of outburst if she opened her mouth. She wasn’t sure how she felt toward the retired smuggler right then.   

 

“I’m not here to stop you,” he said. “Actually, I’ve brought you some help.”      


Rey looked up to see Greer Sonnel and a young man detach themselves from a wall across the room when Han waved them over, crowding into the corner booth, blocking her view of the room and any potential for getting Maz’s attention. Rey frowned.   

 

“Greer says you two’ve already met. She’s one of mine.” Han said. Greer looked like she did five years ago, just a little more tired.Then he jabbed a thumb at the blonde-haired man. “This is one’s one of Leia’s people.”  

 

“Joph Seastriker,” the man said with a shy smile. “I’m— well, I was a lieutenant for the New Republic. Now, I guess I’m one of Leia’s people, like he said.” He looked to Greer, who gave him a faint nod. Rey wondered briefly if he knew Poe. 

“Leia would’ve tried to come herself, but she figured you’d probably not wanna see her for a while,” Han shrugged. “Also things are a little tricky with all the assassins and angry politicians running around.” 

 

Rey still didn’t respond, and Han finally cracked, rubbing the scruff on his chin.  

 

“Rey, could you say something? You’re kinda freaking me out with all the silent and stony you got going on.”  

 

“Did you know?”  

 

“Yeah, kid.” His response was quiet but immediate. “Yeah, I did.”  

 

He finally met her eyes, and she watched him carefully, trying to discern his thoughts. After a minute she called the now-empty glass into her hand, making Joph flinch, and observed the last drops of liquor clinging stubbornly to the inside.   

 

“Why didn’t you tell him?” She didn’t say who she was talking about; she didn’t have to. 

   
Han sighed, slouching even lower in his seat. “All the reasons seem kind of stupid now. Does it matter? It’s too late anyhow.”  

 

Rey just nodded. She wanted to be angry, but Han seemed just as devastated as she was, and she had already thrown all her disappointment and hurt at Luke the previous day. She didn’t think she had the energy to do it again.   

 

“Why are they here?” She tilted her head towards the two still standing awkwardly next to their table.   

 

“Leia sent us to help you look for her son,” Greer answered.  

 

Rey pressed her lips together. “I’m currently not inclined to accept her help, especially if she doesn’t feel like showing up personally.”  

 

“If she could, she’d be here,” Joph spoke up vehemently, taking a step forward, surprising Rey and Greer. Even Han raised an eyebrow. “You have no idea what she’s facing right now, what she’s going through, what she’s trying to do.”   

 

“Ok, then, Leia’s person,” Rey said, her tone causing Han to frown slightly at her. “No need to get so defensive.”   

 

“Before you turn us down,” Greer said, “we have more.”   

 

~---~

  

Outside the castle, Rey found herself standing next to the  _Mirrorbright_ , Leia’s diplomatic vessel, with Han, Greer, Joph, and R2-D2. The ship, which Rey remembered as being a distinctive glossy white, was now a much drabber gray tone.   

 

“It’s not the  _Mirrorbright_ anymore,” Greer explained. “It was too recognizable, especially after the news came out, so we scrubbed the ship’s log and registration. Right now, she’s a blank slate.”   

 

Rey walked around the ship. She realized that if Ben didn’t come home of his own accord, it could take a while to find him. It would certainly be more comfortable to take the former  _Mirrorbright_  than live out of an X-wing for a month. And while she was confident in her ability to take care of herself, it would be good to have someone else to rely on and she trusted Greer, who in turn trusted Joph. And, even if she didn’t want to admit it, Leia had sent them to help find Ben. Rey didn’t want to burn all her bridges yet.  

 

“You realize there’s probably a warrant out for me. I didn’t leave the Academy in the best way.”  

 

“There is,” Greer confirmed. 

 

“Sure,” Joph said. “But you’re like a Jedi, right? You’re pretty much untouchable.” 

 

“I don’t know about that,” Rey said with a wry smile. She thought a moment more. “Alright, I accept your offer.”  

 

The side of Han’s mouth twitched up. “Thanks, kid. You’ve saved me from having to explain to Leia why I let you go off on your own.”  

 

“I think I can handle myself.”   

 

“I know you do.” He gave her a small crooked smile.  

 

Greer interjected. “Joph and I will prep the ships for departure.” Greer disappeared aboard the yacht while Joph headed over to the X-wing Rey had commandeered from the Academy. The former Republic pilot’s gait was almost bouncing with excitement as he was trailed by the astromech, who whistled something about supervising.    

 

“You might need this.” Han pulled a blaster from his belt and handed it to Rey, who raised her eyebrow. He shifted his weight. “I don’t know where you’re going but you may need to blend in a little more than you would with a lightsaber.”  

 

“So I’m going to use a blaster? That’s subtle,” she said dryly, her arm still half-extended, not really taking it from him.  

 

“Well, I mean try not to use it, but if you have to, then do, but – uh – you do know how to use one of those, right?”  

 

“Yeah, you pull the trigger.”  

 

“There’s a little more to it than that. But you’re a smart kid. I know you can learn.”  

 

Rey looked him over again before drawing her hand back, letting the blaster hang by her side.   

 

“Good luck, kid. If anyone can find Ben and drag him home by his ear, it’s you. Stars know I can’t. You two got something special.”   

 

Rey’s cheeks heated and she looked away. “I’ll keep you posted.”  

 

Han nodded and Rey turned, making her way aboard the now-nameless ship as Greer turned the thrusters online. Through the viewport, she caught a glimpse of Han watching them take off from the tree line and felt a pang of jealousy.  _You have people waiting for you, Ben. I’m going to prove it to you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aw, poor space babies. 
> 
> So, what'd you think? Let me know in a comment or hit me up on [tumblr](https://a-nerd-obsessed.tumblr.com/)! Every kudos and comment makes me smile! Thank you all for reading!
> 
> Update in two weeks :D


	13. Chapter the Thirteenth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to the marvelous [AngstyWriter](https://angstywriterangst.tumblr.com/) for beta'ing this chapter and fixing all the flaws, which is not an easy task
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](https://a-nerd-obsessed.tumblr.com/)

Rey sat in the pilot’s seat with her muddy boots up on the dash of the  _Nowhere,_ the ship newly christened on a particularly discouraging day involving a scummy Toydarian on Tatooine after Rey had shouted that they were getting absolutely  _nowhere!_  in the middle of the Mos Eisley spaceport. Not one of her proudest moments, but at least it had given the ship a name. 

 

Rey watched the moon below as they orbited from a waystation. Yesterday, they had docked there to refuel after they had uncovered yet another dead end in their search for Ben in the neighboring system. It had been almost a year now, and while most of the galaxy had accepted the identity of Darth Vader, Rey woke up every day with the revelation still ricocheting in her mind.  

 

Ben had proven to be excellent at hiding from her, disappearing from Devaron aboard a transport ship bound for the Outer Rim. The first month of her search had been frantic, dragging Greer and Joph with her from outpost to settlement to waypoint in the far reaches of the galaxy, encountering all types, the decidedly unsavory and surprisingly kind in turn, but none of them had any idea where Ben Solo had gone. 

 

Of course, it was hard to know how to uncover information about his whereabouts. Rey could hardly ask if they had seen a tall, dark, and handsome Jedi type who called himself Solo,  _yes, like that Solo, the son of the smuggler and the disgraced senator who, yes, is the daughter of the most feared_ _Darksider_ _in recent history._  Rey was sure he wouldn’t have used his real name anyway, which further complicated things. The tightening in her chest told her that he was a stranger to her now. Or she was afraid that maybe he already had been, and she just hadn’t noticed.  

 

When she’d questioned the captain of the ship Ben had taken from Devaron, he’d said a man matching Ben’s description hadn’t given a name, just credits, and the captain had taken it. She’d been tempted to dig further, reaching into his mind for any hints that he’d omitted, raw desperation and fear making her consider things she’d been warned away from. But Rey had held back, though not before wiping the man’s memory of their encounter. 

 

But now, ten months later, desperation had given way to frustration and resentment. Ben was still missing, and she had no leads to show for all her work. 

 

“Rey?” 

 

“In here,” she called back. Joph entered the cockpit, carrying a rehydrated ration pack with him. 

 

“Dinner,” he said, handing her one of the most unappetizing things she had seen, which was saying something. It looked unrecognizable despite the label insisting it was protein loaf with gravy, and it had that generic food smell that did nothing for her stomach. She wasn’t hungry much these days anyway, too busy to think about keeping up with meals even if they used to be one of her favorite pastimes.  

 

“Is Greer doing better?” Rey asked.  

 

“She’ll be alright. I ordered her to stay in her bunk for the rest of the day,” Joph admitted. 

 

Rey had learned soon into their travels together that Greer had bloodburn, a rare chronic illness that most often developed in young pilots. Thought to be a result of space travel at an early age, it caused fevers and exhaustion especially under stress, sometimes fatally. Greer took hadeira serum injections to control her symptoms, but there was no cure. It explained why Greer had stopped a successful racing career with Han’s team to join Leia’s staff and why she always seemed to be fatigued. It had forced Rey to take things slower in her galactic search for Ben, but in retrospect that may have been a good thing. She had to admit she would have burned herself out if she didn’t have to slow down in consideration for Greer’s condition.  

 

“She hates it, doesn’t she?” Rey said, imagining herself in Greer’s position. “She thinks it holds her back.” 

 

Joph sighed. “It does, and it’s not fair. But she still does so much.” He ran his hands through his hair. “It scares me sometimes, how she keeps pushing her limits with all of this.” 

 

“It’s good she has you,” Rey said. She tugged the bracelet on her wrist in circles, a habit she’d developed over the past several months. She thought of Ben, fearing that he had overstepped the limits. He had tried to carry so much of their burden, to shield her from dark influences, all while disregarding himself. She wondered about herself, knowing she had stepped over her limits too.  

 

“Have you heard from them?” Joph asked. 

 

 _Them_ was Leia’s group, an informal organization working to uncover the influence behind several events in the galaxy that were eating away at the Republic’s power in the galaxy, like the Napkin Bombing and the Amaxine warriors. In between following up cold leads on Ben’s whereabouts, they had been running reconnaissance missions for Leia in the Outer Rim. While they hadn’t found anything definitive, Rey was sure the fragments they’d uncovered – a disappearing bank account here, an anonymous weapons purchase there – belonged to a much bigger picture, one that Leia’s Resistance was piecing together.  

 

“Nothing’s come through. I’m still waiting,” Rey said, trying to subtly set aside the food so Joph wouldn’t see, shoving it under a collection of wrappers beneath her seat.  

 

Suddenly the comm console blinked, signaling an incoming transmission. Rey’s boots hit the decking as Joph leaned forward.  

 

“Is it them?” 

 

“No,” Rey said, recognizing the private channel code. “It’s Jo.” 

 

She hadn’t attempted to communicate with anyone from the Jedi Academy, unsure of how she stood with those she’d left behind. She hesitated slightly before moving to accept the transmission, and the holoprojector popped up, displaying Jo’s familiar but solemn face.  

 

“Jo.” 

 

“Rey,” he said, the image flickering. “He’s back.” 

 

~---~

 

She had been on her way to Alaris Prime within seconds after she cut off the link with Joerian. She attempted to set Joph and Greer up to rendezvous with Leia’s agents, but they’d refused. 

 

“We’d like to see this through,” Joph said. “We can’t leave you now.” 

 

Rey was hardly in a position to refuse them, especially after all they had put up with the past few months like that memorable encounter with a rogue Crimson Dawn smuggler on Dathomir. Besides, she figured it was a good idea to face whatever was waiting for her at the Academy with a few allies at her back. 

 

She wasn’t allowing herself to think or feel anything just yet. She didn’t trust herself that far. 

 

The trip was simultaneously the longest and shortest of her life: the longest because all her thought was bent towards her destination, and the shortest because she couldn’t remember a single moment of it.   

 

Soon she was navigating the gravity field between the gaseous planet Alaris and its moon. Greer sat behind her in the cockpit, watching as Rey brought them down towards Alaris’ satellite, the distinction between the wroshyr forests and the grassy plains on the surface resolving.  

 

“Joph, land at the coordinates I’m sending to Artoo,” Rey said. 

 

Joph swooped over them in the X-wing. “They are expecting us, right? You sure Skywalker won’t be mad when I show up in his ship that you stole from him? I don’t want to get sliced in half by a lightsaber,” he said over the comm. 

 

“I reserve the right to slice you in half with a lightsaber if you don’t shut up. Besides, Luke doesn’t have any right to be upset about that,” Rey stated, a slight edge to her voice. R2, behind Joph in the X-wing, beeped a caustic admonishment that Rey ignored. “Droid, you don’t get to defend him when you decided to come with me.” 

 

R2 didn’t reply and she smiled grimly to herself. Rey turned the jammer online, checking to see that R2 had done the same for the X-wing using the code Jo had sent. Joerian had told her that the Republic had constructed an outpost near to the Academy since she left, and she had elected to avoid landing next to it since she was still technically a wanted person. Besides, now that they were here, she felt something she hadn’t felt in almost a year: a powerful, burning impression in the Force, and it wasn’t near the Academy. Rey felt her anxiety rise. This was not going to go well. 

 

Rey guided them into a break in the green canopy of wroshyr trees a few clicks away from the Temple where the abandoned Wookiee settlement was. The landing pad was old, but Rey knew that the construction was sturdy. Still, she let out a breath when the  _Nowhere_ settled safely onto the platform. Greer silently moved up to complete the post-flight checks as Rey made her way off the ship. Joph set the X-wing down on a smaller pad a short distance from them and Rey walked to him. Away beyond him in the gloom, Rey could see another single light fighter, but no one else was nearby.  

 

“You two can go ahead to the Academy,” Rey said. “Joerian Andor will be waiting for you. Just avoid the outpost and the perimeter sensors, although we’re on the far side of the Temple so you should be fine. I’ll come soon after.” 

 

“What are you doing?” Joph fidgeted as Rey gave him a flat look. “Alright, alright, forget I asked.” Then, under his breath, “Jedi...” 

 

“I’m not –” Rey started to snap, but she was distracted by a pull, a Force signature so familiar and comforting that she wanted to wrap herself in it like a warm, well-worn blanket despite its frayed edges. And that wanting scared her. She turned on her heel and hurried off across the trees towards the end of the forest. 

 

It didn’t take her long to get down to the fields. Passing through the tall sun-dried grasses was a strange feeling. When she’d left, it was almost winter, but now it was high summer, the air thick with pollen. The predominant color was a dry brown mottled with sage, and everything was strangely muted.  

 

She found him, sitting in a meditation pose in a small depression among the grasses far from the Temple, his eyes closed and tousled dark hair hanging down to his shoulders, longer than she could ever remember, a faint shadow of beard on his face. As she watched, he blinked, looking up at her. 

 

“Rey.” Something like relief shone in his eyes.

 

Rey's entire body tensed. Her ears were filled with such a roaring that the hum of her lightsaber was drowned out. He leapt to his feet when she reached him, his own blade alight to deflect her first upward swing. He stepped to the side but she was already following with a wild, undisciplined slash at his legs, forcing him to shuffle away as he attempted to redirect her blade’s trajectory with a soft grunt. 

 

She raged at him, raw and strong. This was not Rey, disciplined Jedi apprentice, practiced in the forms of lightsaber combat. This was Rey, desperate Jakku scavenger, abandoned by the people she loved most. But this Rey was also more: this Rey did not wait for anyone to come back. She had made a choice of her own volition, and she would follow through. 

 

She almost didn’t expect him to fight back, but when she shoved him with a violent telekinetic push, Ben resisted with a skillful diversion of the Force, straightening to his full height. He struck out at her left shoulder and she sidestepped, drawing back momentarily, collecting her defense before launching at him once again. 

 

They were completely balanced. Rey didn’t know when she had become his equal in combat, but it was evident now that they were perfectly aligned, the Force flowing around and through them as one, the grasses bending away in a psychic wind. She had grown and changed in his absence, becoming someone she hadn’t anticipated, surprised when she met him in the middle, alternating concessions as they wove around each other. 

 

Neither of them held on to any restraint, always millimeters away from disaster as they crossed blades again and again, blue plasma sparking on blue. They were lost; there was only them. Each moment was breathless, an effort of intricate coordination, a deadly choreography, until Ben reached his limit. 

 

Rey stabbed at his chest, her fury and fear overwhelming her reason, but Ben parried, spinning her blade up and over while grabbing her wrist with his free hand. Their blades were locked, shrieking against each other. She gasped as he hooked a foot around her ankle, unbalancing her. She would’ve fallen if he wasn’t there, holding her up.

 

“Rey,” he said again, locking his intense brown eyes on hers. They were close, very close, so that she had to look up to hold his gaze. His hold on her crushed the pearl of her bracelet into her skin, certain to leave a bruise. After a moment, he seemed to realize what he was doing and slowly loosened his grip. His thumb caressed the worn twine encircling her wrist before he let go. Her blade fell to her side, her lips parting. 

 

“Ben,” she breathed. Her eyes darted down at the way his throat moved when he swallowed, before being drawn back to his dark gaze. He stepped back and shook his head as if trying to clear a fog from his mind. 

 

“Rey.” 

 

The silence stretched taut, then snapped.  

 

“You left.” 

 

His gaze did not waver. “I did.”  

 

Rey waited, trembling, but he said nothing more. A whiff of smoke and a flicker in the edge of her vision drew her attention and suddenly she noticed a small flame in the dry grass. Rey realized the heat of their blades must have touched off a spark and she hurried to stomp it out before the New Republic soldiers noticed the smoke. Ben was next to her, grinding the fire to ash. After a few minutes of frantic stomping, the threat had been extinguished. Rey let out a shaky breath, feeling a bit ridiculous after hopping around trying to smother stray sparks. A smile tugged on the corner of her mouth and she turned to face him again, to share the humor of the moment, before she remembered. A shiver of uncertainty climbed her spine.  

 

“Why are you here?” 

 

Her words drew his eyes back to hers from where they had been drinking her in. 

 

“I need your help.” 

 

“What?” 

 

“I need your help to stop him.” 

 

“Who?” She huffed, her anger rising again. “Damn it, Ben, stop being so cryptic.” 

 

His desperate eyes bored into hers. 

 

“Snoke.” 

 

~---~

 

Ben trailed after her as she stalked back towards the Temple, the dusk rapidly turned to night. As she expected, Joerian was waiting for her next to a disabled perimeter sensor, having already sent Greer and Joph on to the dining hall. Jo didn’t say anything, just pulled her into a hug with a wry smile that didn’t reach his eyes. She stayed stiff, but they both felt a flare of irritation from Ben and Joerian quickly let her go.   

 

“Welcome back,” Jo said. 

 

“Rey,” Ben said, shifting his weight as he tried to get her attention. She didn’t look at him. 

 

“I’m hungry,” she said to Joerian. Ben let out a frustrated sigh, and Jo looked over at him with a pitying glance before shrugging at her. 

 

“Come on, then. The others are waiting.” 

 

The awkward trio walked to the dining hall. Rey sat at the table next to Greer and Joph in the thick silence. Ben didn’t take a seat, opting to lurk in the doorway, sending Rey urgent glances that she ignored. Instead, she took this moment to observe him from the corner of her eye as she pretended to look over the untouched dinner spread on the table. He looked tired, but good. A dark shirt over long pants tucked into sturdy boots; he looked strong and settled. His long hair brushed the collar of his shirt, but his dark locks seemed as absurdly lush and thick as they always did. She felt a spurt of resentment that he should look so put together when she had been frantically combing the galaxy for him at the expense of sleep and hot meals and friendship.  _Does he even know?_    

 

He shifted, drawing her full scrutiny to him, his dark eyes begging something from her. She turned away when she saw the look there, diverting her attention back to the spread on the table. She wasn’t going to pass up the many steaming dishes that had been prepared in a real kitchen, not a ship’s galley. She took the abundance as a sign that the Senate hadn’t completely cut off the Academy’s funding despite the scandal. Or maybe Leia’s resistance group was now supporting the Academy. Honestly, Rey didn’t care. She picked up a piece of tender dark meat and stuffed it in her mouth, sucking the juices off her fingers. Much better than space rations. 

 

“You’ve come back.” Luke sat at the head of the table, tension in the lines of his body. The rest of the Jedi were similarly uneasy, even the young boy – Temiri, Rey remembered his name – who was now dressed in the robes of an apprentice. 

 

“I need her help,” Ben said, gesturing to Rey. “I came here for her.” 

 

Rey stiffened, staring down at the plate in front of her.  

 

“Then why did you return to us?” Tirian drawled, his tone prodding. “Rey hasn't graced us with her presence for almost a year, same as yourself.” 

 

Ben ignored him. “I uncovered something that needs to be dealt with, but it only concerns the both of us.” 

 

Silyana snorted. “Sounds intense.” 

 

Rey looked at the others, who stayed silent. Joerian sat with a frown, his eyes bouncing between Rey and Ben as if trying to making a connection. 

 

“This is between us,” Ben said, almost pleading, catching Rey’s eyes again. She surged to her feet, afraid he would give away everything in a moment. His eyes were desperate and determined all at once, and try as she might, she couldn’t ignore that look.  

 

“Stop it,” Rey seethed through clenched teeth. “Not here.” She walked over and snatched his elbow, ignoring the way his arm tensed under her touch, turning to drag him out the door so they could go somewhere private.  

 

“No.”  

 

Rey was startled when Luke spoke up, quiet but firm. They turned, Rey still gripping Ben’s arm, to look back at him. She hadn’t actually acknowledged him yet, but she looked at him now. He looked tired, grayer than she remembered. Yet something in his blue eyes was harder, maybe even bitter. 

 

“Neither of you get to come back here and leave again without explanation,” Luke said. “You’ve been hiding things from us.” 

 

Rey scoffed, taking a step forward and letting go of Ben’s arm. “That’s rich, especially coming from you.” 

 

Luke’s expression tightened. “There were consequences. I’d like to avoid more.” His eyes jumped to Ben. “I think you should tell us about the voice you mentioned.” 

 

Rey’s wide eyes snapped to Ben. “You  _told_ him?” she hissed. 

 

“His name is Snoke.” 

 

Rey glared, but his eyes soothed her. 

 

“You remember what I told you, about the rumors, about the power?” 

 

Rey nodded, thinking of the hints she had heard in her own travels the past few months, the multitude of unexplainable things that carried a similar feeling. 

 

“It’s him. He’s gathering together an army, manipulating events, consolidating resources.” 

 

“The kidnapped children,” she said in a low voice. “The militarized mercenaries.” 

 

“Yes,” Ben said, turning in to her. “He’s planning a resurgence. It’s called Project Resurrection. A government like the Empire, but stronger. The First Order.” 

 

“When?” 

 

“I don’t know.” 

 

“Uh, hi, we’re still here,” Silyana said, snapping her fingers. Rey took a step away from Ben, realizing how close they’d gotten. 

 

“Like I said, this doesn’t concern you,” Ben snarled. Rey saw several in the room flinch, and Jo’s hand twitched towards the saber hilt in his belt. Temiri whimpered, scooting closer to Lalae’s side, although Silyana and Tirian looked amused. Rey frowned. Despite the unease she felt around the Jedi, she didn’t want to push them away, or worse, have them turn on her or Ben. Trust had been broken, but it wasn’t shattered, yet.   

 

“Ben,” Rey said, touching his arm again, looking up into his eyes. His brown irises softened as he looked at her. “We could use their help.” 

 

He hadn’t told her the plan, hadn’t shared any details with her, but she knew enough. They couldn’t destroy him –  _Snoke_ – without help.  

 

She sensed his internal battle. Somewhere, deep down, no matter how many  _kriffing_ times she told him that she could take care of herself, he was still trying to protect her. He’d been going it alone for so long, and she knew only his desperation had brought him back to her. Now, she was trying to include others, and he was loathed to accept help from anyone else besides her. 

 

“I cannot help you with this.” Luke stood slowly, his eyes just as troubled as his nephew’s. “My responsibility lies here at the Academy. But I will not stop any of you who choose to go.” He walked past them, the sound of his soft tread the only noise in the quiet room. Rey watched him go, tightening her grip on Ben’s elbow as he came near, and then he was past. 

 

Ryl was the next to stand. She regarded the travel-worn pair by the doorway for a moment, then followed her master out the door. Zarr too, along with Shul. Lalae went by, the young boy’s hand clutched in hers. Although she didn’t meet their eyes, Temiri looked up at Rey with frank curiosity. She felt a twinge of sadness and shame at his gaze, but she quickly shoved it away. Lalae placed a hand on her arm as she passed and Rey almost flinched.

 

“May the Force be with you,” Lalae whispered, and then they were gone.

 

“So, Snoke, huh?” Silyana was never one to understand an awkward silence. “Funny name, isn’t it?” 

 

“There's worse,” Rey answered. 

 

“When do we leave?” Silyana asked, tossing a long blonde braid over her shoulder, then glanced around at the Jedi remaining: the al Rael brothers and Joerian. “I assume that’s why you’re still here, right? You’re going with?” 

 

“I’m in,” Tirian said. 

 

“Brother,” Tarith said, caution in his voice. 

 

“No, brother, I’m going,” Tirian declared. “You can either remain behind or come along as my chaperone. Those are your choices.” 

 

Rey blinked. The siblings had always fought, but it had never been this sharp. She wondered what else had changed in her absence, and felt a sudden prickle behind her eyes. _Why couldn’t things have stayed the same?_ But she quickly rejected that thought. She’d rather have the truth than live under a lie.  

 

Tarith watched his brother for a few moments before giving a stiff nod. 

 

“Jo?” Rey asked. 

 

He sighed, crossing his arms.  “I guess I can’t let you run off a second time. That’d make me a crummy friend.” 

 

“Thank you,” Rey said, then she spoke to everyone. “We leave in the morning, so get ready with whatever you need to do. We’re going to –“  

 

She turned to Ben. His eyes flickered as she looked at him. 

 

“We’re going to Pamarthe.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So if you noticed the change in the chapter count, it's because this story is now going to be in two parts! _I Love It When I Fall for That_ will start in December!
> 
> And hey, what did you think of this chapter? Leave a kudos, let me know in a comment, or hit me up on [tumblr](https://a-nerd-obsessed.tumblr.com/)! BTW, subscribing is the best way to know when I update :)
> 
> Update in two weeks...


	14. Chapter the Fourteenth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All the love and kudos to my beta [AngstyWriter](https://angstywriterangst.tumblr.com)! You are the literal best!
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](https://a-nerd-obsessed.tumblr.com)

The starlines outside of grimy viewports of the  _Nowhere’s_ lounge melted and smeared together as it tunneled through space. Rey was sprawled on her back across one of the benches, rubbing her thumb over the twine around her wrist. The port leading to the cockpit opened and her eyes darted over, but it was just Joerian on his way to the cabins in the aft of the ship. He stopped in front of her.

 

“Rey, do you know what we’re doing here?”

 

She shifted upright in her seat. “Not exactly.”

 

“I’m just worried that we don’t know what we’re getting into or what Ben’s plan is. I’ve tried talking to him, but he won’t tell me anything.”

 

“I trust him.”

 

“But Rey -“

 

“Enough, Joerian!” Rey shouted, her flare of anger involuntarily channeling the Force to shove him a few inches backward. Everyone in the lounge froze. “Sorry, Jo, I didn’t mean -”

 

“It’s ok, Rey. I’m sorry.” Jo took a step back before he turned away, his expression guarded. Rey sat back, dejected, as he left the lounge.

 

“Hey,” Silyana said, getting up from her seat across the way. “Make room.” 

 

Rey obliged slowly, shifting to let her sit down. 

 

“So, how’ve you been?” Silyana inquired casually, stretching out to cross her legs at the ankle. 

 

Rey snorted. “You really want to know?” 

 

“No, not really. I’m just wondering why Solo’s been giving you all these intense stares since he got back.” 

 

“You mean like Tirian’s doing right now?” Rey said, tipping her head towards the younger al Rael brother, who was sitting in the far corner pretending to peruse his datapad. 

 

“No, not like that. Hey, you there!” Silyana hollered at him. He glanced up. “Yes, you! Switch off! Leave us alone!” 

 

Tirian scowled, but got up and followed Joerian towards the aft.  

 

“Nice that he listens to you,” Rey noted. 

 

“It is,” Silyana mused. “Now, back to Ben.” 

 

“No, please.” 

 

“He’s different, you know.” 

 

Rey sighed. “Yes. You know what happened.” 

 

“Yeah, I know what happened,” she said, gesturing vaguely to nowhere. Then she pointed to Rey and then towards the cockpit where Ben was piloting the ship. “But I don’t know what  _happened_.” 

 

Rey huffed. 

 

“No, seriously. When I asked about all the intense stares, I meant the intense stares at  _you_.” 

 

Rey stewed for a moment after that one. She knew Silyana wasn't playing with her.  _Stars, I never should have come back._  

 

Finally, she decided to answer simply. “He left. And he admits it.” 

 

Silyana just nodded, letting Rey’s words hang in the air.  

 

“What about you?” Rey asked, eager to deflect Silyana’s attention elsewhere. 

 

“It’s been trying. Those New Republic grunts are idiots,” Silyana stated. 

 

“I’m sorry if I made things worse.”  

 

“Oh, you did, no question. But Skywalker would’ve been a mess anyway, and it gave me a chance to practice some... unconventional skills.” 

 

Rey raised an eyebrow. 

 

“Oh, don’t worry. I didn’t  _kill_ anyone or anything, even if I really wanted to sometimes.” 

 

“I know the feeling,” Rey muttered, shooting a glance toward the cockpit. 

 

“Just, you know, a little mental manipulation and things. Ryl and Tarith and them weren’t really that happy about it, but it was necessary to keep the Senate and their goons from doing anything stupid. Actually, Tirian was surprisingly quick to adapt.”  

 

Rey frowned, but she wasn’t in a place to give any kind of scolding in light of the skills she’d developed recently, especially if she had put the remaining Jedi in a restricted position by her actions. 

 

Silyana continued on, oblivious to the guilt she was incurring in her friend. “Don’t worry about it, Rey. It would have happened eventually, no matter what you did.” 

 

~---~

 

Wind whipped at Rey’s cloak, bouncing the swinging bridge she was attempting to cross. Beyond the cracks in the planks under her feet she could see the choppy waves that gave away nothing of what was underneath. Courage was held in the highest regard on a planet that produced some of the best pilots in the galaxy, Greer Sonnel being one of them. Rey could see why, now – the planet seemed designed to test stamina and stability.

 

Greer and Joph had stayed with Luke at the Academy after Rey had finally convinced them that they should return to Leia. They’d done what they’d promised: help her find Ben. She didn’t want to keep dragging them along in the wreck that was her life. 

 

The wood board under her foot creaked, and Rey carefully skipped over it even though she reminded herself that the Pamarthens maintained the bridges that connected their settlements. The flexibility of the construct allowed them to withstand much more abuse from the weather and was cheaper to replace than durasteel or the like. But still, she wouldn’t have minded something a little sturdier and less finicky to walk on.   

 

Shifting her gaze from the treacherous bridge, Rey fixed her eyes on the back of the person in front of her.

 

 _Ben._  

 

He had come back. He was here.  

 

She felt relief every time she saw him, a little easing of the knot that had been in her chest for the past several months.  

 

Simultaneously, she was furious with him. After they’d finished setting their plans in the dining hall, he’d gently pried her fingers from his arm and left. They’d barely spoken since, a careful dance of staying just out of arms’ reach, making sure there was someone else present, locking the doors to sleep. It was easier and harder than she would have thought, given they were all stuck on the  _Nowhere_ together for the trip to Pamarthe. 

 

But it was just them now. Ben had finally shared that he was meeting up with a contact here who’d be able to get them information about Snoke’s connection to Project Resurrection and its threat to the New Republic – information that would lead to evidence, evidence that would lead to action. Or so Ben hoped. Rey didn’t know what he expected the Republic to do, and she wasn’t sure he knew either. He’d wanted to meet with his informant alone, but she wasn’t about to let him out of her sight, and so he’d been forced to relent eventually.  

 

“Watch your step,” he said over his shoulder. Rey stretched her leg over a gap in the bridge as it bucked beneath her.  _So much for maintaining the bridges_. 

 

They were close to the end of the bridge. A few more meters and they were on solid ground again, a rocky island rising above the water. It was small, only a few tiny buildings and a tavern that glowed with warm light making the entire settlement. Ben didn’t slow, heading straight for the tavern.  

 

Inside, he went for a table in the back in a good position to observe the rest of the room as well as the door. Rey followed, taking a seat next to him. Despite his relaxed posture, Rey could feel his internal tension spike. She turned her head, parting her lips to ask him what was wrong, when she felt him slam up his mental shields, cutting her off from his emotions. She frowned, facing forward again. 

 

The tavern-keeper came up to their table, his arms crossed, blocking the view that Ben had been angling for. 

 

“You don’t look familiar,” he drawled, emphasizing the R’s with his Parmathen accent. 

 

“Is that so,” Ben replied. 

 

“It is so. You don’t sound like one of us either.” 

 

“Sorry to disappoint.” 

 

“And you’re not real friendly.” 

 

Rey nudged his leg with the toe of her boot. He shifted away and she resisted the urge to kick him. 

 

“Does it matter?” 

 

“Not particularly. But we’re not too keen on out-worlders taking up space here.” 

 

“So you know everyone from Pamarthe? How do you know I’m not from here?” 

 

Rey peeked around the room from under her hood. They weren’t doing a good job of keeping a low profile. They’d probably scare off their informant if the tavern-keeper didn’t leave them alone soon. 

 

“I can tell pretty well. The girl here, maybe. But you, I don’t think so.” 

 

Rey felt Ben’s indignation at that and resisted the inappropriate urge to laugh. 

 

“What if I say I am Pamarthen, and you’re wrong?” 

 

“We can settle that.” He gestured to a boy who scurried forward with a misleadingly small bottle and a glass. The man took the dark bottle and poured a small amount of a clear liquid into the glass. The fumes hit Rey’s nose and she almost flinched.  

 

“Port in a Storm,” the tavern-keeper said. “Drink up!” 

 

“Ben,” Rey hissed. The idea of a tipsy Ben made her suddenly anxious in a way she didn’t expect. 

 

Ben fingered the glass, glaring at the man who presented it, then lifted it to his mouth and tilted his head back. He managed not to gag, but Rey did for him. Then he set the glass very deliberately on the table. The room was very quiet except for the woodfire crackling in the hearth until the tavern-keeper grunted. 

 

“Huh. You didn’t look the type,” he said, then turned to Rey. “What about the girl?” 

 

“The lady doesn’t need a drink,” Ben said slowly, enunciating the words. 

 

“The lady doesn’t need a drink,” the tavern-keeper repeated, then walked away, confused. In fact, everyone seemed confused, turning back to their cups and companions.  

 

“Ben, why'd you do that?”  

 

“You’d rather drink that stuff? It burns like hell.” 

 

“No, why didn’t you do it sooner?” 

 

“Because,” he said, angling a slight smirk. She fought off a grin of her own, noticing how his eyes were watering. 

 

“Show off,” she accused. “Our contact probably got scared away.”  

 

“I don’t think so.” Ben’s eyes locked on the man who had just come in the door and walked up to the bar. The man ordered a drink – not Port in a Storm, Rey noticed – and let his eyes wander across the room while he fidgeted with his fingers. His glance brushed over the pair at the back table but didn’t linger.  

 

“Him?” Rey whispered, disbelieving. She watched as he quickly downed the first glass the boy brought him then asked for another. Rey almost felt nervous just from watching him twitch. 

 

“Yes, him,” Ben hissed back, then hesitated. “And my name’s Kylo.” 

 

She huffed a laugh. “What?” 

 

“Be quiet.” 

 

The man waited a little longer before wandering over to their table and sitting down without invitation. Rey observed the façade of nonchalance he presented, although she could sense the nervousness underneath. He tried to subtly check his chrono, then tipped back the second drink. 

 

“Long journey?” Ben asked. 

 

“You might say that,” the man answered, his voice higher than Rey would have assumed. “Always things to do, places to go, information to learn.” 

 

Rey resisted the urge to snort. The man was not subtle. 

 

“Some of that must be interesting, I’d imagine. Especially information.” 

 

“Yes, some of it is.” His foot bumped Rey’s under the table and she drew her leg back. “Like how I heard a man named Kylo might be here tonight. You know him?” 

 

“I might.” 

 

Rey decided that after this she and Ben had to have a talk about their time apart. He had the same aura about him that she knew she carried: the lingering traces of drug dens, back alleys, and whorehouses. He was Ben, but he was also someone else, just like her. She still had no idea where he’d been, who he’d met, what he’d done. If all his interactions were this painfully obvious, Rey was surprised he’d made it out unscathed. But no, she knew Leia’s political acumen had not entirely passed him over. She could see his frustration at their contact’s clumsiness in the tightness around his eyes. Something was wrong. 

 

“You think you might be able to let him know a few things from me?” 

 

“Maybe. Depends on what you’ve got.” 

 

“Well, see,” the man said, his eyes flickering around the room, “Kylo said he’d have something for me, and I need that before I believe that you really know him. He doesn’t have many friends.” 

 

Rey leaned forward, frustration about to pour off her tongue, but Ben placed a hand on her knee. She started although he still wasn’t looking at her. Rey sat back, shaking his hand off.  

 

The tavern door banged open, and the man jumped. Rey narrowed her eyes at him as he checked the chrono on his wrist again.  

 

“Well, you know, like I said, I’ve got places to go.” 

 

“Do you want the payment or not?” Ben said flatly.  

 

The man had begun to sweat, beads of perspiration dotting his forehead as Rey watched. She glared at Ben, hoping to get his attention without speaking. 

 

“Sure, sure,” the man said with fake nonchalance. He dug around in his clothing, eventually producing a datacube, holding it under the table so just they could see. “You know, this took a lot of hard work, and I feel like Kylo was trying to cheat me out of fair compensation.” 

 

Rey was done with this. The man was all kinds of jittery and he grated on her nerves. The longer they dithered here, the more likely someone would take note of them. Already this had gone on for too long. 

 

Rey had started to rise to her feet when a commlink buzzed. Both Ben and the man finally looked at her as she fumbled in her pocket and pulled out the device. 

 

“What’s that?” the man asked, his voice pitching even higher. 

 

It was the code Joerian had given her. He never used it in all those months, not until Ben came back. He wouldn’t now either, not to distract from their mission, unless –   

 

“You,” Rey spat, lunging up, Han’s blaster gripped in her hand, rubbing the man’s nose. His eyes bugged. “You are a fake, and a bad one at that. What did you do?” 

 

“I – nothing, I swear!” 

 

Everyone was staring now.  _Well, so be it._  

 

 _“_ Tell us what you’ve done!” 

 

“I didn’t – I just – I couldn’t – “ 

 

“Rey, what are you doing?" Ben was frozen in shock, looking from her aggressive stance to the weapon in her hand. She scowled at him.  _Now you talk to me?_  

 

 _“_ Please,” the man begged. “I had no choice!” 

 

“What do you mean?” Ben asked, his brow wrinkled. 

 

Rey was already reaching for the man’s mind when they felt it. A ripple in the Force, a tidal wave of energy, Dark and Light twisted together. Ben and Rey’s eyes met. And then together they sprinted out of the tavern, leaving behind a trembling informant and an astonished crowd of tavern patrons. 

 

~---~

 

“Come  _on!”_ Rey shouted, springing across the bridge as it bounced under the assault of her feet. Ben followed behind her, his clumping steps throwing off her stride as the planking rebounded. After this bridge, they had one more craggy island and one more flimsy bridge before they made it to the landing pad where the others waited with the  _Nowhere_. Ben quickened his pace until he was in an all-out sprint. His heart pounded and his breath burst out of his lungs in gasps. 

 

Something was wrong.  _Not something,_  he thought in a moment of dark humor _, everything_. Rey had tried to hail the ship after they left the tavern but there was no answer, and he felt her fear rising. Still, the Force was a tangled, crackling knot, flares of opposing energy snagging his consciousness, a warning and a beacon all at once.  

 

Together, they dashed over the small promontory to the final bridge strung out over the water. They could see now, the flash of lightsabers and blaster fire. 

 

Rey went first, her lightsaber the color of the tempestuous water below them. Ben followed, his weapon the shade of the sky breaking through clouds above. 

 

They were all scattered around the  _Nowhere,_  engaged with four cloaked warriors, dark robes swirling around their forms. One figure that Ben was unable to identify immediately was sprawled on the ground just in front of the ship’s ramp, defended by a wall of twin purple and blue plasma. Two attackers hacked away, one with apair of humming red short swords and the other with a metallic broadsword that gleamed dully. A third assailant exchanged blows with Silyana, her green saber sparking on the red of her opponent’s blade. The last cloaked figure stood apart, taking shots with a pair of blaster pistols at the Jedi, who were forced to deflect the bolts and compromise their defense. Even as Ben closed in, one of the lightsaber wielders managed to land a glancing blow on a sword arm – Joerian's, Ben identified him by his cry of pain – and Joerian fell back, blade extinguished. Two on one, Tirian’s purple blade blazed defiantly, but he failed to keep them from flanking him. Ben thought to shout a warning, but already a wicked slice across his ribs downed him as well. 

 

Rey didn’t hesitate, but charged forward with a roar, shoving the broadsword wielder flying backwards with a violent swell of the Force. He tumbled over the ground before his head hit an outcrop of rock with a crack. His hood slipped back, but all it revealed was a mask that looked vaguely Mandalorian. Meanwhile, Rey was already engaging the crimson daggers, shifting their positions to draw the fight away from her fallen friends. Silyana was still clashing with the attacker that was at least twice her size, dancing away from his broad swings, her pale braid snapping as she pivoted.  

 

That left Ben to take the sniper. He advanced on their position, perched on a ridge that thrust up from the island over the waves that smashed against the rock below. They fired on him, alternating between the blasters held in each hand. He blocked each shot, the zing of its deflection and the subsequent explosion as it found a new home creating a strange rhythm interspersed by the grunts and crackles of the two duels nearby.  

 

Ben gained ground slowly, each step narrowing the distance to the masked assailant. He could see better now that he was focused on her – he could discern that it was a her – coming closer to her position. Her cowl was of the same material as her dark robes, and underneath the hood was a dark mask, accented in silver. She laughed when a shot sizzled past his ear, the sound of her amusement distorted by some kind of vocoder. His reflexes, honed by years of practice and enhanced by his connection to the Force, almost wasn’t enough to keep her from striking him. She was good, unnaturally good, and he knew then. She was a trained Force-user.  

 

He halted several meters away from her, the shots coming so quickly that he had to use every speck of concentration to deflect them. Ben sank into the Force, letting it dictate his movements, losing himself in the tangle of Light and Dark. It thrummed along his nerves, and he dug deeper, seeking more, pulling it to himself. He was awash in it, senses heightened, connecting him to those around him: Rey, scoring a hit on her opponent’s wrist so that she dropped one of her daggers with a cry; Silyana, slashing brutally at the man’s arm while dancing away on nimble feet; Tarith, Joerian, and Tirian, incapacitated or unconscious on the ground, their lights dim; and then the masked assailants, their malicious intent burning in the Force. His arm rose, serene blue overtaking his vision, deflecting the malicious red plasma flying towards him at just the right angle. 

 

The gunslinger shouted, clutching her shoulder, a charred crater torn through the muscle, forcing her arm limp. The blasters clattered to the ground. Ben strode towards her, spinning his saber, but she squeezed the wound with a scream. As he approached she let go of her arm and flung out her bloodied palm, sending a shudder through the Force. A chunk of rock broke loose and rushed toward him. Ben raised an arm, halting it in midair. The boulder trembled as they strained to overpower the other’s hold on it, both breathing hard. 

 

“Ben Solo,” she intoned, voice distorted. 

 

Ben took a step forward. He could see now that her blackened wound was weeping blood, the sharp scent stinging his nose. “Who are you?”  

 

“You don’t know?” she teased.

 

Across the way, Silyana stumbled, falling to the rock. The crimson saber swept downwards, and she raised her own blade to meet it, but the man leaned his weight down, pushing their blade lock closer to her face as she screamed at him. 

 

“Who sent you?” 

 

“You know him, Master. He’s waiting for you.”  

 

“No.” 

 

She laughed. “It seems you have a choice, Master.” 

 

For a moment, Ben was confused. But then he saw the other attacker, the one Rey had flung away from the fight. He was reaching for his belt, pulling out a small spherical object.  

 

“You can decide,” the girl rasped, her voice an echo of the one that had spoken in his head for so many years. “This choice is yours alone. But you can choose to become more. Let them go, as they have you.” 

 

The man was too far away to reach in time, not before he raised his arm and threw the sphere towards the ship, towards the figures struggling next to it. Tarith. Joerian. Silyana. Tirian.  

 

 _Rey_.  

 

For Ben, there was no choice. He turned, watching as the thermal detonator arced through the air. Letting go of his battle for the boulder, he took a few desperate steps forward, snatching at the tiny blinking sphere with tendrils of the Force, trying to divert it from its flight, away from those whom he cared about. He watched as it changed direction just enough to avoid striking the ship, soaring towards the edge of the water. Ben saw Rey shove her opponent away, catching sight of the detonator as it went, then her eyes widening in terror, looking at something just behind him. She met his gaze then, just as the boulder crashed into his skull. 

 

Ben Solo didn’t remember much after that. He remembered lights exploding across his vision as he fell to the rocky ground. He remembered a pair of small boots entering his vision, blocking his sight of Rey as she started towards him. He remembered the gunslinger whispering that Snoke would be disappointed. He remembered someone, a girl – no, not a girl, she had become a woman now – screaming his name. He remembered a wave of Darkness that burst forth, a furious sort of fear, rushing over him and through him, burning along his veins as he sank into unconsciousness. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ouch. That's gotta hurt.
> 
> So I'm attempting to turn up the angst a little... can you tell? Let me know what you think! I'm dying to know, so leave a comment or hit me up on [tumblr](https://a-nerd-obsessed.tumblr.com)! 
> 
> Only one more chapter to this segment, and then we're on to _I Love It When I Fall for That_ , starting in December. If you want to know when that starts, follow me on tumblr for updates!
> 
> Thank you all so much for following this story. Last update in two weeks!


	15. Chapter the Fifteenth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _Won't you help me sober up?_  
>  _Growing up, it made me numb_  
>  _And I want to feel something again (my favorite color is you)_  
>  _Won't you help me sober up?_  
>  _All the big kids, they got drunk_  
>  _And I want to feel something again (my favorite color is you)_  
>  _Won't you help me feel something again? (my favorite color is you)_  
>  _Can I finally feel something again?_  
>  _How's it go again?_  
>  "Sober Up" by AJR
> 
> Thanks to my beta [AngstyWriter](https://angstywriterangst.tumblr.com) for being my biggest cheerleader and the best editor!

The next thing Ben Solo remembered was waking up in the medbay of the  _ Nowhere _ , which was really just the spare cabin where they kept the medkit. He groaned, blinking against the light from the room’s glowpanels. When he could open his eyes without them watering, he noticed two things: one, that his left side was very warm, and two, that his left arm was also very numb. Rey was curled up against his side, asleep. For a moment he just looked, taking in the faint freckles on her cheekbones and the dark crescents under her eyes and the wispy hairs drifting over her forehead.  

 

“Rey.” What he had intended as a soft whisper came out in a raspy croak, and he winced. Instantly, Rey sat up on the edge of the bunk, her bleary gaze sharpening quickly to concern as she scanned his face, although she avoided meeting his eyes. He reached up to brush the loose strands of hair back, attempting to soothe her, but she frowned. 

 

“Ben! You’re awake.” 

 

He tried to smile but coughed instead. “Do you... water?” 

 

“Yes! Here,” she exclaimed, reaching to give him a cup full of cool water. “How are you feeling?” 

 

“Like death.” 

 

She didn’t smile.  

 

“Where are we?” 

 

“The  _ Nowhere,  _ just off the Corellian Trade Spine headed to the Academy.” Rey still wasn’t quite meeting his eyes.

 

“Rey, what happened?” 

 

“They ran away after you were knocked out. Disappeared. Too many of us were injured so we had to let them go.” 

 

Ben frowned, starting to push himself up, but Rey put a hand on his shoulder and shoved him down. He gasped a little at her forcefulness, frissons of Darkness running over his skin from where her nails dug into his tunic. She flinched, releasing him and shifted so that she was balanced on the edge of the bunk.  

 

“Stay still. You have a bad concussion,” she ordered, her confidence betrayed by the distress in her tone. 

 

“The others?” 

 

“Tirian’s stable, we think.” She pointed to the bunk opposite them, where he noticed Tirian’s undignified sprawl across the blanket. “He’s sleeping off the painkillers. We’ll know more when he wakes up. Tarith has a nice-sized knot on his head. Joerian just needs some bacta patches and a good night’s sleep.”  

 

“Silyana?” 

 

Rey snorted, eyes fixed just above his head. “Piloting the ship.”  

 

Ben raised his eyebrows.  

 

“She’s still Silyana,” Rey said, “so there’s that.” 

 

He watched her eyes fix on somewhere distant while the silence thickened. “Rey,” he said, voice low. “What happened?” 

 

“I didn’t kill them, alright? They ran away.” 

 

He waited. And then the dam broke. 

 

“You didn’t give me a choice - you just decided what was best for me, without asking what I wanted or I thought. You just assumed, just like them. They decided to give me to Plutt, and then Luke  decided to take me away, then you decided to just  _ leave.  _ And you – you  _ know  _ what that means to me. I feel so alone. _ ”  _ Moisture had started to leak from the corners of her eyes, shining in the glare of the glowpanels. He desperately wanted to reach out and wipe his thumb along her cheekbone, to touch her hand, linking her fingers with his. But now was not the time, so he resisted. 

 

Instead, he whispered, gently. “Say it.” 

 

“You  _ left _ , Ben.” She met his gaze, even though her eyes were swimming in tears. “Why?” 

 

He pushed himself up slowly, his head swimming, and this time she didn’t stop him. 

 

“I was afraid,” he admitted. “I was afraid of what the galaxy would do. I was afraid of what he – Snoke – would do. I was afraid of what  _ I _ would do. Or really, what I had already done. Especially, what I’d done to you.” 

 

Her brow wrinkled in confusion. She sniffed, hard. “What do you mean?” 

 

“Before everything, before Luke found you, I already struggled with the Dark. I didn’t know about Anakin, or about Vader.” He broke off, his thoughts suddenly diverted. “You know I didn’t know about Vader before Casterfo’s reveal, right? I need you to know that.” 

 

“Of course,” she scoffed with a hiccup, the words partially tear-choked, looking up to glare at him. 

 

He relaxed slightly, reaching out to brush his finger over the bracelet on her wrist before pulling himself back again. “When I found out, I thought that all the Darkness, the reason he targeted us, was  because of me, that I...  _ infected  _ you somehow.” 

 

“You know that’s stupid, right?” 

 

He looked up at her. 

 

“The Darkness is always there. We are the ones who get to choose what we do with it.” She poked him in the chest with her other hand, the laugh wrenched out of her throat turning into another hiccup. “You have to let  _ me _ choose, Ben.” 

 

“I’m sorry,” he offered. She smiled, blinking away the last of her tears.  

 

He was staring, he knew. Even though her nose was red and her eyes pink and her hair messy, he couldn’t help but look at her, really look at her for the first time in almost a year. He could feel it within her now, the pain warring with the hope that was quintessentially  _ Rey _ . Guilt clawed up his throat as he realized that what he thought he was sparing her from he had actually caused by leaving. 

 

“I actually did choose,” she said quietly, nervous energy seeping through their joined hands. 

 

“What?” Ben said, bringing himself back to the present. 

 

“I chose – “ 

 

Tirian groaned loudly from the other side of the cabin. Rey jumped away and Ben stopped himself from snatching her back. 

 

“Tirian, can you hear me?” she asked, slipping into her nurse’s role.

 

Tirian swore. “I’m wounded, not deaf, Rey. Force, this stings! I don’t believe you administered the correct dosage. Perhaps you gave it all to your boyfriend over there.” 

 

Ben glared at him, the throbbing in his skull intensifying with Tirian’s whining.  

 

“Despite what you and the others may think, Ben and I did not spend the last few months gallivanting around the galaxy together.” 

 

Ben’s ears burned.  _ Did they really think that?  _

 

“Hmm, yes, I suppose you two would have killed each other long before this lovely misadventure we just had.” 

 

“Shut up and take your shirt off.” 

 

The room went deathly silent. Both boys’ eyes jerked to Rey’s reddening face.

 

“I need to change your bacta patch,” she finished weakly. 

 

Ben pretended disinterest while Rey attended to the wound on Tirian’s torso, a long, cauterized slice along his ribs that would heal into an impressive scar. Ben ignored the hot feeling building in his stomach and tingling in his fingertips, pretending not to hear Tirian’s griping about her callous fingers and terrible bedside manner. Mercifully, Rey dosed him again, and soon his complaining started to slur. 

 

“I saw it, Rey,” Tirian bleared. “I never knew you were so powerful in the D–” 

 

“You’re drugged. Go to sleep before you make a fool of yourself,” she ordered hastily. 

 

Once Tirian was properly knocked out again, Rey came back to where Ben was slumped on the bunk.  “Your turn,” she said. 

 

Ben had absolutely no complaints as she examined his wound, her cool fingers combing through his hair to find the swelling contusion on his skull. 

 

“I was afraid, too, Ben.” 

 

He was quiet, closing his eyes as he listened.  

 

“I was afraid I’d lost you, that you’d gone to him. Then you were back.” Her fingers probed at the lump back of his head and he winced. “But just now, I thought I was going to lose you all over again. After I’d just gotten you back.” 

 

Her fingers released his hair and he sat back against the wall, watching her tug at the twine on her wrist. 

 

“It was natural,” she said with conviction. “It was  _ right _ . I called on the Force, and it answered.” 

 

Ben thought of the wave of Darkness that rolled over him as his consciousness had slipped away, of Tirian’s words just now.  _ No _ . 

 

“Rey,  _ what happened _ ?”  

 

“I saved you. I saved everyone. I drove them away.” Her eyes glared into his. “I had to use the Dark, Ben.” 

 

“Rey,” he said, his voice breaking. “You shouldn’t have done that. You should have let me die.” 

 

She stood. “You do realize the Dark saved me before? When I was a child, when I  _ killed _ all those desert lunatics? I did that, Ben. I wasn’t possessed or coerced.  _ I _ chose to do that, to save myself.” She turned, kicking the medkit on the ground. “I know that was wrong, alright? It was selfish. I didn't fully understand the consequences of what I was doing.” She came back, placing a hand on his cheek, and he stilled, feeling the Darkness seep between them. “ But today was not for me. This was for my friends. For you.” 

 

Ben was unmoving, staring into the bright hazel of her eyes. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, gently gripping her wrist and removing her hand from his face, pushing her away. Confusion clouded her expression and she sat back. Hurt flickered in her eyes before they closed off to him,  and a part of him died. 

 

“So am I.” 

~---~

 

No one had commed ahead to tell those on Alaris Prime that they were coming. Everyone was either unwilling or unconscious, so the Jedi and the New Republic soldiers hadn’t been informed of the disaster on Pamarthe. Still, the disquiet that roiled on board the  _ Nowhere  _ was enough to make anyone suspicious. 

 

Luke knew. Ben thought Luke might even know intuitively before they’d disembarked from the  _ Nowhere _ . His uncle’s wary eyes locked on Rey from up the slope towards the Temple as she helped Joerian down the ramp onto the dirt landing pad. Ben frowned angrily, his fists clenched as he stared at Luke.  

 

“Don’t even think about it,” Silyana said, bumping into him as she passed so that he jerked away.  

 

“What?” he snapped. 

 

She turned back, raising her hands to make air quotes. “’Defending her honor.’ It won’t end well.” 

 

He glowered, looming in an attempt to intimidate her into walking away. 

 

“Do what you want, but you can’t change what happened. I saw it.” Her eyes glowed. “It was incredible.” 

 

“Switch off!” 

 

She shrugged and sauntered away just as a unit from the New Republic outpost arrived. The surprisingly calm commanding officer quickly took over, assigning soldiers to escort the injured – which was almost everyone – to the outpost’s medbay, and conversing rapidly with Luke, whose slumped posture made him look weary and defeated.  

 

After the med droid cleared him with strict admonishments to go to his quarters and rest for the next few days, Ben trudged from the medbay back to the Academy grounds. Luke was waiting for him and gestured for him to follow, then walked up the hill to the Temple. Ben wasn’t sure why he went, but he did. 

 

Luke sat cross-legged on the floor. “Ben.” 

 

“Luke.” 

 

The silence was brittle. 

 

“The others won’t speak to me about what happened on Pamarthe, or, like Tarith, claim they were unconscious for most of it.” 

 

Ben’s eyes traced the dust motes that danced in the beams of sunlight from the high windows. 

 

“Rey refused to acknowledge me at all,” Luke continued. “I have to tell them something, Ben. I cannot withhold information from the commander. You wouldn’t know, but this past year I’ve been trying to keep the New Republic from burning all our work to the ground. With your mother ostracized, I don’t have many friends left in the Senate. What you and Rey did, running off like that, it didn’t help things. It made it worse.” 

 

“I’m sorry my lack of forthrightness about my nonexistent plans caused you inconvenience,” Ben said tonelessly. 

 

Luke scowled, then sighed. “I know I deserved that. It doesn’t matter.” 

 

Ben scoffed.  

 

“But I warned you.” 

 

Ben looked up at the thick emotions in Luke’s voice. 

 

“I warned you, Ben. I told you how she admired you, how she cared for you, but still you walked away.” Luke stood and began to pace. “Silyana told me what happened on Pamarthe. That Rey used the Dark to defeat his enforcers.” 

 

Ben stiffened. He hadn’t expected Silyana to snitch. 

 

“Rey’s going down the same path. The path that my father took. You weren’t there when I found her, Ben. You didn’t see what she’d done, what she was capable of.” 

 

Unbidden, Ben suddenly saw all the parallels: enslaved on a desert planet with only the desperate will to stay alive, taken while still a young child to learn the ways of the Jedi, courted throughout her youth by a Dark shadow, then threatened with the loss of a loved one and the foundation of her life. But immediately he was angry at those unfaithful thoughts. 

 

“She is  _ not _ Anakin,” Ben snarled. 

 

“Don’t be a fool,” Luke shouted. “She’s choosing the Dark.” 

 

“No,” Ben shot back. “Don't ever,  _ ever,  _ say that”  

 

Ben knew it wasn’t her fault. He had done this. He had exposed her to his Darkness. By confiding in her, he had forced her to bear his burden. And then, like a fool, he had run away and left her to deal with it alone. His return had been an even worse mistake. He’d forced her hand, forced her to turn to the Dark Side. He was the worst kind of self-fulfilling prophecy. 

 

Ben left abruptly, storming out into the night, the ache in his head risen to a steady throb. The shimmering rainbows in the upper atmosphere were unusually vibrant, but Ben didn’t notice as he strode towards his quarters. 

 

In his old room, he quickly shed his boots and shirt before crashing onto the bed, punching his pillow into shape with a growl. The sheets smelled stale and there was dust covering all the flat surfaces in the room. Everything was as he’d left it almost a year ago. Yet he knew everything wasn’t how he’d left it, and not just the things in this room.  

 

The Academy was still the home of the New Jedi Order. Luke was still his uncle. And Rey... she was still Rey. 

 

But everything was different. He didn’t fit here anymore, if he ever had. This room was unfamiliar, like a stranger’s. And again, it was his own doing. 

 

Ben tossed and turned, trying to will himself into unconsciousness. He stood up and paced to ease the restlessness in his limbs, drank water to eradicate the dry fuzziness in his mouth, attempted meditation to slow his racing thoughts. None of it worked. In a flare of temper, he thrust out a hand, telekinetically shoving his desk against the far wall so that it smashed to kindling, spilling its contents across the floor. Ben slouched on his bed, head in his hands. 

 

It was probably the worst twenty minutes of sleep he’d ever gotten when he jerked awake, half-slumped over on his covers. He felt awful, the lingering symptoms of his concussion blearing his thoughts. Soft warm light glowed outside his window, and he groaned.  _ Is it already time for sunrise? _

 

“Ben.” 

 

He startled, finally noticing the dark silhouette outlined with a ruddy glow standing in his doorway, tension and fear visible in its stance. He had to blink a few times to focus his eyes, but he already knew who it was. 

 

“Rey. What’s wrong?” 

 

She seemed momentarily thrown by his state of partial undress, but then her terror washed over him, her anger and confusion. He struggled to think clearly against the intensity of her emotions as he stood. 

 

“I don’t know what to do, Ben.” 

 

He saw now how the light flickered oddly on her face, how her hands gripped her lightsaber hilt tightly, how she was tensed as if to flee from him. He sensed the Darkness crackling off her skin, seeming to shimmer in the air between them, and his heart went cold. 

 

“Rey,” he breathed, holding out a hand as if to calm her. “What did you do?” 

 

She drew back. “What did  _ I  _ do?” Her eyes narrowed. “You’re with him, aren’t you?” 

 

“What? Who, Rey? What are you talking about?” 

 

She took a half step forward, and suddenly she was in his mind. Reflexively, he tried to throw up his mental defenses, but he was helpless against her; he always had been. It didn’t take much to find the memory of his confrontation with Luke as it was so recent, consuming his thoughts. Rey retreated from his mind as if burned. 

 

“You agree with him,” she hissed. “You think I’m lost, consumed in Darkness.” 

 

“Rey, no – “ 

 

“I thought you  _ understood _ .” Then, quieter: “I thought I wasn’t alone.” 

 

He took a step forward, his expression grave. Energy was rising around them, building, pressing down. They were alone, yet he felt the weight of so many silent witnesses. 

 

“No,” she said, holding up a hand. He waited. “You don’t get to decide.” 

 

He struggled with what to say, to bring her back from the brink. He watched her, her eyes wide and tormented, glistening in the shifting light that he recognized as the flicker of flames when the pungent smell of smoke stung his nose. Slowly, he let out a breath. 

 

“This is not your fault,” Ben said. 

 

She inhaled sharply, studying him. She cocked her head, then nodded slightly, her eyes clearing. “But it is. This is my choice.” 

 

He lunged forward, all his senses screaming, but it was too late. The energy that had been building erupted over them, her upheld hand clenching into a fist, and his world imploded in splintered wood and flame. 

 

~---~

 

When he woke, the world was gray. Ash drifted through the air, coating the ground. He groaned, trying to make sense of his body. Various pains made themselves known, but none of them were particularly severe, so he ignored them in favor of pushing himself up to a sitting position. His head spun, and he tried to regulate his breathing, but each inhale made him cough on the smoke as he tried to clear his screaming thoughts. 

 

_ No. _

 

Ben leaned over and vomited, acid burning up his throat and over his tongue. Once he’d finished retching, he wiped his eyes. He stumbled to his feet just as an explosion from the landing pad rocked the ground, a column of flame rising to lick the underbelly of the clouds. Ben lifted his hands reflexively against the blast even though he was on the other side of the Academy grounds. When he lowered his arms, he could finally take in the scene before him. Clouds covered the sky, letting only a dim filtered light penetrate, contrasted with the harsh glare of several fires scattered about, but it was enough to let him see his surroundings. 

 

The Temple and the New Republic outpost were gone, razed to the ground, a smoking ruin.  

 

_ No. _

 

He stumbled forward, searching for the others, but it was unnaturally quiet. Even the Force was still, like the mirrored surface of a fathomless lake. 

 

In the smoldering wreck of a dwelling, he found the first. He grunted as he shifted a charred beam, tossing it further back along with a few shingles.  

 

It was a boy, his eyes closed and his skin chilled. Ben recognized him vaguely, remembered him clinging to Lalae’s hand when he had first returned to Alaris Prime just a few days ago.  Soft brown eyelashes pressed onto the boy’s cheeks, and his face looked peaceful, a juxtaposition to the horrible scorched hole through his heart.  Ben drew back his hand, noticing in a distant way that it was shaking. 

 

_ No. _

 

Ben found the others as the clouds began to fall apart, pouring down rain. Tarith al Rael, sprawled on his back with a crushed neck.  Lalae Halo, a seared wound through her abdomen.  Joerian Andor, a raw slash disfiguring his face. Ryl, Shul, Zarr.  The New Republic soldiers, their corpses littering the ground. Ben sank to his knees in the mud, soaked through by the deluge from above. 

 

“ _ Rey!”  _ he screamed into the rain. 

 

He couldn’t feel her, he couldn’t sense her. He wasn’t even thinking at this point; his mind was a torrent of raging emotion. His sight locked on the raindrops beading on the skin of the corpse in front of him. It was too much. He tried to focus, choosing to pinpoint on something hard digging into his knee –  _ a rock? A pebble?  _ He felt the ground underneath him, pulling out the offending object. Its smoky iridescence was smudged with filth, but it was unmistakably Rey’s pearl. 

 

_ No. _

 

The Force now was thrashing around him, choppy waves as before a storm.  

 

_ Her choice is made. Follow, and you will not lose her. Together, you will be more than this.  _

 

Ben choked out a laugh. He had already done that. He had not only lost her, he had pushed her away,  destroyed her. It was his fault. Now he was done, his despair rising above all others, pushing out and over. He bent over himself, ragged breaths shaking his body. The pearl burned in his grasp. He let out a scream, tearing it free from deep inside. 

 

And then it was all gone, and he gasped, trembling. The rage and fear, Snoke’s presence, the burden he had lived with his whole life was suddenly vanished. But so was something else he had never thought to be without: the hum and sensation that was woven into his mind, threading through his veins, guiding and lifting him. 

 

The Force was absent from Ben Solo. He was freed even as part of him withered and died, but he found he didn’t mind, so long as he didn’t have to feel anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS NOT THE END!
> 
> Although it's kind of the end of an era. I can't believe we've made it! I want to thank you all for reading and leaving kudos and commenting as I've shared my story with you.
> 
> Part Two, _I Love It When I Fall for That_ is coming soon!
> 
> Now, I already have the first chapter written, so I will be posting that in two weeks. If you want to know when that happens, you can [subscribe to my profile](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aNerdObsessed/profile) here on Ao3 or find me on [tumblr](https://a-nerd-obsessed.tumblr.com) and follow me for updates. Thank you so much for reading!


End file.
